I’ll preface this by saying that I’m hurt and angry right now because I’ve been rejected yet again, just last night. And to some, this will probably sound a little whiny. If that kind of thing bothers you, don’t read this.

I'm really angry and frustrated. I'm honest and my word is my bond. When I meet a prospective partner, I tell her as soon as possible that I'm married. However, not always before we meet face to face. That has burned me before. I’ve learned if I say up front that I’m married in my online profile, no one EVER talks to me. If I tell them I’m married before we meet, I’m really lucky if they still want to talk let alone meet face to face. So I keep that close to the vest, but tell them as soon as I can slip it into the conversation after we’ve met. So, why am I angry and frustrated?

My wife and I have no intimacy any more. It’s too long a story to go into here. The short version is that we are good friends, but we’re not interested in each other sexually any more. Not even in being cuddly any more. Yeah, it’s sad. But our relationship is more business now. We’ve made the decision that at least for the next few years we’re going to live together. It’s so our school age daughter can continue through high school without any upset to her life. She’s the youngest and she’s seventeen so it won’t be too much longer. Even if we were talking about her finishing college it’s only about four to six years at best. But more likely, only another two so she can finish high school and get started in college. After which, my wife and I will probably move into separate residences. We may not ever get divorced unless one or the other of us decides we want to marry again. So we’ll stay married for tax and insurance purposes as long as it makes sense to do that.

My anger and frustration comes from the fact that I get the same stories from prospective partners. I hear things like, "I want whole package." They go on to say, "I want someone who can be there when I need them." When we talk about marriage or living together, they say "No, I’m not necessarily looking for that, but I might want that some day." I ask, "OK, so can you tell me what it means that you want someone who can be there when I need them?" Typically, they’ll say something like "I want someone who can wake up next to me the next morning and doesn’t have to leave in the middle of the night." Or, "I don’t want to be the dirty little secret." But they’re not the dirty little secret, and I tell them that. In fact, my wife usually knows that I’m on a date with them at that moment. And as for waking up with them, I can do that. But still, they don’t want to pursue a relationship.

So you might be thinking, well maybe you’re just not attractive to them and they’re saying this to try and be nice. But I’ve successfully had relationships in the past when I’ve been less than honest and not told them at all about my wife. I used to say I was separated because it’s pretty close to true. But when the truth eventually came out, and it always does, they’d dump me.

The worst part is that I am available. For all intents and purposes, I’m really no different than any single dad. Even if my wife and I weren’t living together, or were divorced even, I wouldn’t involve my teenage daughter with another woman. I’d insulate her from that until she was older.

So what the hell? What do women want? It seems that they don’t want a marriage or live in, but want the guy to be available just in case. And they want this just so they can have sex with him? What do they want, a puppet on a string? Someone who can jump when they pull a string?