Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up
Every relationship has highs and lows. Here are 10 tips to keep your relationship strong.The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.
Here are the 10 most important things:
- Communicate. Communication is important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.
- Resist making accusations. Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a symptom.
- Refrain from insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.
- Take time to tell your partner why you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.
- Be supportive and look for ways to give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.
- Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you need.
- Never try to solve a problem when you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at each other?
- Set aside some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.
- Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your partner.
- Don’t Lie! Everyone lies occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong then being caught in a lie.
- This won’t keep you together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break.Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they change?
For more articles on improving your relationships, visit Sites O Web Romances You.
©2005 Patricia Fason
http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/6-4-2005-71049.asp
Relationship Counseling
If you want to know about Relationship Counseling and the reason people need it, read this article."Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." -Emily Kimbrough
Relationships are an integral part of our lives and it is enough to give us a reassurance that we have somebody in our lives who can at least listen to our problems and sympathize with us. Relationship Counseling seems a simple word with a simple meaning and scope but it is not that simple. We tend to underestimate it since all of us do a bit of relationship counseling for our near and dear ones once in a while, don’t we? But here we would discuss about some serious aspects of relationship counseling.
When is relationship counseling needed?
Relationships can be of any kind that can be of any kind, it can be the relation between patent and children, husband and wife or siblings. There can be blood relationships and non-blood relationships. In short a relationship is established or relationship counseling is required only when a person comes close to another person but fails to coexist or they are together under compulsion and want to get rid of each other. It happens so most of the times that we fall in love with a person and when we come close to him or her we start finding faults with the same person, which may or may not exist and these may lead to differences. At times the differences are such that people even stop communicating which drives the relation to a point of no return and in times like this people need interaction and help from a third person who can view the relationship without being biased.
This is where relationship counseling come into the picture, which tries to open the routes of communication between two people, even if they allege each other and quarrel, that is counted as a means of communication and way towards the betterment of the relationship. It is infusing life in a dead part, which might pain for a while but will definitely improve.
Methods taken in Relationship Counseling
Most of the time the key to solving a problem is discussion and that is exactly what is done in case of relationship counseling as well. Counselors discuss it with the concerned people and try to take their grudges out which would otherwise have been repressed and really bitter. A counselor teaches both the parties to take responsibility of whatever has or is going wrong in the relationship. This is the first step of bridging the gap between two parties because once they start taking responsibilities; they would stop blaming each other for the faults. So once they stop blaming each other both would be more open to criticism and would not act defensive at the first opportunity. Though one session does not work for most of the couples since they tend to get back to their previous attitudes very soon. Yet it does make a difference in how they view their partner’s attitude as they tend top become much more understanding and less judgmental.
It is seen most of the times that people who break their marriages and go through the whole procedure of divorce in the end feel that they should have gone through a bit of introspection than blaming the other person because most of the tomes the problem lies in us and so lies the solution. So before you decide to call it quits it is important for you to talk and talk probably with the help of a relationship counselor who would know the reason being your attitude and can find a solution to it.
Published: 2/27/2008
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/relationship-counseling.html
Relationship Tip: Women Love Us But
"How can she possibly go out with that guy?" Keep your ears open long
enough and you will hear that question or at least a variation of it a
number of times in your life.
Some women ask this question not because they want an answer but more so out of plain jealousy. They want what another woman already has. That is all part of the game. Still others really are curious as to why she would even pick this particular guy to build a relationship.
No one can fully understand romance or human compatibility. It is what it is but that does not mean women love everything about us. In fact the majority could really do well without the following:
1. Selfishness
It's all about you. When the circumstances directly affect her, you find away to become the center of it. Dating and relationships are about give and take. Nobody and I mean nobody should get their way all the time or even want to. Not only does it make for dullness in the partnership but you are also buying stock in the resentment portfolio. It may not come back to bite you tomorrow or the next day but the longer the selfishness continues the more likely the resentment will grow. And when it comes to the surface you will be in for a nasty shock.
This also includes being a power freak. You will decide what, when, where, why and how much in every facet of the relationship. You want to be king of the roost but are not willing to make her the your queen. She is not your servant; she is your partner so learn to trust her decision making process and be prepared to let her lead sometimes.
2. Huh?
That means you were not listening. This drives women up the wall. It says that a: you do not respect her opinion and b: she is not worth listening to. Communication is high on the list of priorities for many women and listening is a huge part of the equation. If you need to train yourself to listen than do it. Besides that she will also appreciate the effort on your part.
3. The Mama's Boy
A good relationship with your mom is to be cherished and respected. No woman should begrudge you that. However running to mama to solve some problems you maybe having in your relationship or worse still using her as a standard to routinely criticize your partner is a definite no-no. It shows a strong lack of independence. Keep in mind also that while women may have maternal instincts that does not imply they want to assume the role of matriarch in your relationship. Two consenting adults means just that.
There are of course many other things that women don't particularly like about us but it would probably take days to list them all (You can hear the ladies now saying think in terms of years). That's fine. No one is perfect so follow the three tips mentioned do the best you and watch it pay dividends.
Article written by Daryl Campbell. You can hear the ladies saying that it would take years not days to list all the things they don't like about men. Not surprising but if doesn't have to be that way. Find out how to manage the Relationship Matrix
Some women ask this question not because they want an answer but more so out of plain jealousy. They want what another woman already has. That is all part of the game. Still others really are curious as to why she would even pick this particular guy to build a relationship.
No one can fully understand romance or human compatibility. It is what it is but that does not mean women love everything about us. In fact the majority could really do well without the following:
1. Selfishness
It's all about you. When the circumstances directly affect her, you find away to become the center of it. Dating and relationships are about give and take. Nobody and I mean nobody should get their way all the time or even want to. Not only does it make for dullness in the partnership but you are also buying stock in the resentment portfolio. It may not come back to bite you tomorrow or the next day but the longer the selfishness continues the more likely the resentment will grow. And when it comes to the surface you will be in for a nasty shock.
This also includes being a power freak. You will decide what, when, where, why and how much in every facet of the relationship. You want to be king of the roost but are not willing to make her the your queen. She is not your servant; she is your partner so learn to trust her decision making process and be prepared to let her lead sometimes.
2. Huh?
That means you were not listening. This drives women up the wall. It says that a: you do not respect her opinion and b: she is not worth listening to. Communication is high on the list of priorities for many women and listening is a huge part of the equation. If you need to train yourself to listen than do it. Besides that she will also appreciate the effort on your part.
3. The Mama's Boy
A good relationship with your mom is to be cherished and respected. No woman should begrudge you that. However running to mama to solve some problems you maybe having in your relationship or worse still using her as a standard to routinely criticize your partner is a definite no-no. It shows a strong lack of independence. Keep in mind also that while women may have maternal instincts that does not imply they want to assume the role of matriarch in your relationship. Two consenting adults means just that.
There are of course many other things that women don't particularly like about us but it would probably take days to list them all (You can hear the ladies now saying think in terms of years). That's fine. No one is perfect so follow the three tips mentioned do the best you and watch it pay dividends.
Article written by Daryl Campbell. You can hear the ladies saying that it would take years not days to list all the things they don't like about men. Not surprising but if doesn't have to be that way. Find out how to manage the Relationship Matrix
By Daryl Campbell
Published: 1/2/2008
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/relationship-tip-women-love-us-but.html
Repairing Your Relationships
Here are some ideas and tips for repairing your relationships. The key to relationship repair is communication and the most important thing is to listen fully to the other person.
Communication is key to repairing
relationships. Listening fully to the other person is the most
important part of communication -- really listening, without the
internal dialogue or ideas of what you’ll say next in your head. In
therapy with families and couples, I often ask one person to sit back
and listen like a good friend while I interview the other. I ask the
listening person to be curious –- not assume they know what the other
will say -- and assure them that they’ll have their time to reflect and
be interviewed also.
In a therapy session with a mother and her daughter, the daughter was upset, feeling that her mother did not believe her. A rich conversation emerged about the daughter’s new intentions and behavior that the mother knew nothing of. The daughter had decided, for many reasons she named and stood behind, that she no longer wanted to lie and actually had stopped awhile back. The mother knew nothing of these changes or her daughter’s desire for a relationship of trust and telling the truth. Listening without judgment is key to this new mother-daughter communication.
More Ideas:
• Create an atmosphere of care and support by validating the other person’s reality or point of view (really listening to the other supports this)
• Let go of your bag of old grievances. If you have a long history, with a heavy load of pain, consider using a ritual to help release them.
• Avoid labeling, dumping, mind-reading and generalizing – it might make you feel better temporarily, but it takes a toll on your relationships.
• Avoid generalizing about the other (i.e."you always....").
• Re-invigorate your communication by being crystal clear, specific and detailed in your requests for change. Focus on actions, words, facial expressions, gestures, voice tones and volumes like a DVD
• Stay in the present or recent history and focus on actions, not personal traits.
• Avoid stories. Re-invigorate your communication by making your action request clear and specific
• Negotiate, compromise or, if necessary, shelve a disagreement for a specified time
• Catch the other (your partner, child, etc) doing something right – let them know quickly and specifically what you are noticing and appreciating!
• Write a letter to the other person, telling them about a time you felt close to them or loved. Include specific descriptions of what he or she did!
• Change one of your long-established relational patterns……..and see what happens
• Do something different! There are times, when it is time to stop talking and start acting.
REMEMBER: There are no lists or standard requirements of what makes a good wife, husband, partner, child or friend—you and the other person get to invent your own list and teach each other what works!
For more information on relationship repair go to www.nancyruben.com
In a therapy session with a mother and her daughter, the daughter was upset, feeling that her mother did not believe her. A rich conversation emerged about the daughter’s new intentions and behavior that the mother knew nothing of. The daughter had decided, for many reasons she named and stood behind, that she no longer wanted to lie and actually had stopped awhile back. The mother knew nothing of these changes or her daughter’s desire for a relationship of trust and telling the truth. Listening without judgment is key to this new mother-daughter communication.
More Ideas:
• Create an atmosphere of care and support by validating the other person’s reality or point of view (really listening to the other supports this)
• Let go of your bag of old grievances. If you have a long history, with a heavy load of pain, consider using a ritual to help release them.
• Avoid labeling, dumping, mind-reading and generalizing – it might make you feel better temporarily, but it takes a toll on your relationships.
• Avoid generalizing about the other (i.e."you always....").
• Re-invigorate your communication by being crystal clear, specific and detailed in your requests for change. Focus on actions, words, facial expressions, gestures, voice tones and volumes like a DVD
• Stay in the present or recent history and focus on actions, not personal traits.
• Avoid stories. Re-invigorate your communication by making your action request clear and specific
• Negotiate, compromise or, if necessary, shelve a disagreement for a specified time
• Catch the other (your partner, child, etc) doing something right – let them know quickly and specifically what you are noticing and appreciating!
• Write a letter to the other person, telling them about a time you felt close to them or loved. Include specific descriptions of what he or she did!
• Change one of your long-established relational patterns……..and see what happens
• Do something different! There are times, when it is time to stop talking and start acting.
REMEMBER: There are no lists or standard requirements of what makes a good wife, husband, partner, child or friend—you and the other person get to invent your own list and teach each other what works!
For more information on relationship repair go to www.nancyruben.com
Published: 4/5/2008
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/repairing-your-relationships.html
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