All I want to do is take a shower.  That's all I want to do.  Daughter is in a pissy mood so I can't ask her to help me, besides she is going to work at 1 and it's now noon..  T is at work.  he said "I have to go to Lowe's and do 'whatever' and I'll 'try' to stop by and see you during lunch or you could meet me at 'wherever' for lunch in a little while."  "I can't go anywhere until I take a shower".  He suggests I have the daughter help me, I explain about her.  Then he says again "I can 'try' to stop by during lunch and help you."  He just doesn't understand so don't bother.  Just don't bother.  I don't want to be a bother to anyone.  Not now not ever.  It just makes me mad that he can go run all over town but he can't tell them at work that he needs to come home and check on me or help me.  I've been sitting here crying now for the last 30 minutes.  I got up and cleaned the bedroom.  I took my time doing it too.  It took me 45 minutes to do it.  I was moving slowly and carefully.  I feel like grunge below slime.  I just want a shower.  I sit here all day and do basically nothing.  I'm fat, I can't do anything, I stink, I feel helpless.  I've offered to do some work from work electronically and they keep telling me there is nothing.  I feel guilty for being off work.  I want to work.  I don't want to be alone.  I want to feel clean.  So I am going to get in the shower in a bit.  I can't be a burden to anyone.  I have to do this by myself and get on with life.  I dont' hurt anymore, I'm just tender and a bit sore.  I'll figure out a way to get the ointment on my incisions and put my own bandages on.    Men just don't think about those things and if I say something to him he gets all pissy because it messes up his schedule.

Excuse me for a minute "Fucking workaholic".

Okay, sorry about that.  He has been good, honestly he has been real good.  I'm just in a mood today because all I want to do is take a fucking shower.