Well my little holiday was great, busy as hell which is why I had to get off for a while. All things considered though its been quite productive a little tense.
Here we go ~ mind dump in action!
Hb's test results are back and not good, his lymphocytes are okay but his main organs aren't, liver and kidney's gall bladder.. he has to have scans... FUCK! so I'm staying out of the stress zone only because I know stress will make him more stressed and iller.
Work?? going gang busters, its the peak season so we're flat out all day every day, and a new girl has started so I'm not the only skirt in the office! yay! she's younger than I am, more experienced in this job but she's got spunk, great sense of humor! and she's good looking! (hey I know thats thin but heck she is!)
The funeral for our dear friend Eddie Barnie happened and it was frankly supremely sad, in many ways. For starters the funeral directors had obviously NOT done an indigenous funeral before, he was also nervous err I'm not hiring him do mine! and fucked up completely the lords prayer... Seriously I'm not Christian and even I know that prayer and he fucked it up, kept stuttering, forgot words (sheet in front of him mind you) I don't know it just sucked on that level. What was heart warming though was that as all of the people gathered finally still a mass of butterflies began to swarm the prosession and a warm breeze sweapt over everyone, not a brown face or white face was looking down, we were all skyward saying thank you to the ancestors for gathering his spirit up and letting us know about it. I cried so much, his sons and brothers were there, they played the digde as we all each and every one of us passed by with earth in our hands to throw over his tiny little coffin.
For a few days hb and I just couldn't talk about it, we couldn't let go... then two days later we stayed up late, cried until we could cry no more then started talking stories, tales of our experiences with Eddie and how he lifted spirits, educated, was just a wonderful human being. HB cried for hours actually, he was so up set with his passing he didn't realise it would bring back his own fathers that he didn't cry about. Very good for both of us in a way, especially with hb's health scares at the moment.
Apart from that you will be glad to know that I actually phoned my father! seriously I realised that 6 months is too long, my dads not 100% fit and healthy if he passed as quick as our friend Eddie did, I'd never forgive myself. The really lovely thing was that I began by apologising to him for not calling, that I was being a bitch and I was sorry, he told me to stop apologising as he too had not made the effort and he was also sorry, sorry too for the fucked up xmas card he sent with no to: addressed in it. So we talked, for a little while, enjoyable and it was magic to realise that in being so caught up in my own perceived hurt I had forgoten the basic fact that he is my father, a human being a man, men and mice will err.
I've also taken another day at work so I'm now doing 4 days a week, one of the reasons is to take pressure of hb from earning, if I add that little extra a week it means he can do a little less each week, maybe take some time off and I really do enjoy my work, its damn fun! its damn hard, intense, full on, stressfull sometimes other times very relaxed more than anything else I can leave it behind at the end of my shift..... yay for me, its not a career and I never really wanted that, it is something that suits me down to a tee!
Okay, what else what else... its cold??? yep! getting up at 5am in the middle of winter sucks the only good thing about it is that when I get home I have hours of daylight! cold daylight, that kind of crisp clear sky daylight... anyhoot, this is an epic sorry bout that, thanks for stopping by!
