• Fallyn said on Jun 23, 2008....

  hun, *HUGS* that sucks.
  i don't really know what to say.
  i think it was an uncaring thing for her to say. *HUGS*
  

• wombat said on Jun 23, 2008....

  Show her you are better than that.....

  I know it sucks, but it IS just their job, to help you help yourself.  They have lives outside the office that don't involve you, and believe me, I had to learn that.

  The best revenge is living well.

  You can do that, and then tell them that they helped you to learn how to do that, or not, but it is up to you.

  They just went to school to get paid how to tell you to do that. (living well)

  Hope I don't sound crass, but I do know.  I called mine at 2:00 a.m. once, and was sorry later.

  Now, I just want to call and say, "Hey, you know what?  You were right!  How come you get paid so much for this?"

  Hold on and take care of yourself.  The therapists are great, and I needed mine at the time, too.  But it was me who said, ok, now I get it.  (While they were on their boat sailing or something)

  You are not alone.

  (love and hugs from wombat)

• Fallyn said on Jun 23, 2008....

  womby's right too.....i know it would hurt to hear that my therapist thinks of me as just a job. but it is partially the truth.
  i don't think it is JUST a job....but it is a job.
  i'm not sure i'm stating what i'm thinking very clearly.
  

• wombat said on Jun 23, 2008....

  I am afraid that I didn't say it right, but I tried.  It's a complicated issue.  But I do know that it was a hard lesson to learn, that they were there to help me, but not to do magic.  I had to find my own rabbit in the hat in the long run.  Thank you, Fallyn, for understanding what I was trying to say.

• MissMimi said on Jun 23, 2008....

  It is the truth, H.  She has to maintain a professional distance in order to keep her objectivity.  In order to help you.  She may be your therapist, and not your friend, but that doesn't mean that she can't care about you and your welfare. 

  I will say that how she said it was incredibly insensitive, and I'm sorry it hurt you.  Please don't give up.  {{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

• I'mNotHungry said on Jun 23, 2008....

  The best part is she prefaced it with, "No offense" -  which immediately puts me on guard - because why would she say that if she didn't think it was going to offend me!
  
  And I can't believe that I opened myself up to her!  Only to have her screw me over, just like the others I've let in my life.  I am such an idiot!
  
  I know she isn't my friend - I know that if she thought she was my firend, it would be a boundry issue - but she didn't have to say it!  She didn't have to say it out loud. 
  
  As stupid as this may sound, I am devastated tonight.  I am sitting her trying to talk myself out of cutting (I haven't yet) and I'm trying not to drink (I've been doing too much of that lately).... My stomach is so messed up - I don't know whether I need to throw up or eat something.

  Why did she do that?  Maybe she is trying to make me quit.  Well, if that's the case, she wins. 

  I don't want to play anymore.

   

• I'mNotHungry said on Jun 23, 2008....

  And thank you, Fallyn, Wombat and MissMimi for being here tonight, and for commenting. 
  I don't remember the last time I felt this alone.

   

• pickersplock said on Jun 23, 2008....

  Hey, INH!
  I don't know what to tell you.
  You opened up and then , whamo pazammo, she pulled the rug out from under you................sometimes I do that to myself.....expecting too much.
  Eh, live and learn, right?

• I'mNotHungry said on Jun 23, 2008....

  hey pickers -

  yup - fucked again - whatdoya do?
  

• pickersplock said on Jun 23, 2008....

  Well, you generally just keep moving foward.
  Get right up on that horse and ride again cowgirl!
  One of these days you'll strike gold!

• Fallyn said on Jun 23, 2008....

  *HUGE HUGS* *sigh*
  i wish i knew what to say to make you feel better.
  i'm glad you haven't cut though......stay strong hun. *HUGS*
  
  i started talking myself into thinking my therapist thought i was special.......i didn't have quite such a harsh brought down to earth moment.....but it really didn't feel good just the same.
  

• PassionTraveler said on Jun 24, 2008....

  
  It really is about finding the right chemistry -- even with therapists. I was out of work and had lost someone I loved. I was a mess, and reached out to a non-profit sliding scale counseling agency. I saw a graduate student (two over the course of a year) for $25 a session (weekly) and both were great. The second, a man was quite good and really helped me. Ironically, his goal was for me to NO LONGER be his patient, but only when I was ready. After a year of counseling, I was ready and it was a comforting departure, not awkward.
  
  I have a theory about why they were such a fit for me. They were both modern thinkers, not some stuffy Freudian or Jungian way of therapy, and both were graduate students doing the counseling for their course requirements, but they weren't jaded or burned out.
  I think it made a difference.
  
  The first one, a young woman, did seem more like a friend, but it had it's drawbacks.... she often interjected her own thoughts or opinions, as if we were girlfriends exchanging dating stories. It was inappropriate but I didn't realize it at first. The second one, a young man, proved to be the right combination of empathetic and detached. He had a great way of making me take a look at the situation and realize my own truths.
  
  Try finding some sliding scale counseling agency. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you find.
  
  They aren't jaded yet, and are still eager to do right by you, their client.
  Good luck. I have been there.
  
  PT

• Mamie said on Jun 24, 2008....

  well, more like you are quitting THAT therapist, right? I remember bonding with our ltherapist after my SIL died.
  And I actually became what I thought was friends with her...and then she said the  'no offense' thing and it hurt my feelings alot. I didn't talk to her for about a year. Then she called me and said, hey, I think you are extraordinary and now that at least a year has passed, lets meet for coffee...you are no longer my patient, but my friend! I do love her. I got over the insult I felt that she "fired me " from coming to her. It was that her work was done. we do talk a few times a year.
  Nothing big, but still good.
  I suspect your therapist is stuck and does not know how to proceed causing her to blame you. It is just a clue to move on to the next phase of your life. Keep moving forward. this is not a call to give up or to return to habits that hurt you. REMEMBER SOMEONE LITTLE IS COUNTING ON YOU TOO. love to you, M

• I'mNotHungry said on Jun 24, 2008....

  There is no way in hell I'm starting over with a different therapist.

  No way!
  

• Mamie said on Jun 24, 2008....

  oh  (smiling) well you don't have to yell! I guess I wouldn't want to either. Nor did I back in my day...too much, whatever...I get it.

• crybabylu said on Jun 24, 2008....

  Please don't quit!  I understand your dismay somewhat...I'm having a rough patch with my therapist too!  But try and see it through! Or you might even think about getting another therapist.  If mine keeps going the way it is going, that is what I am going to do.....   my thoughts and prayers are with you...L, dee.

• vacantmind said on Jun 25, 2008....

  INH...I always seem to come on here late. Anyway, I don't know what made your counselor feel the need to tell you that. Maybe, she was feeling unsafe and incapable of handling the situation. She might have thought you were asking or needing more than what she could give you.

  It doesn't really matter at this point. If you are set on moving on then do so. Construct a plan that you can live by and will help you to move forward in healing. Make sure you have the structure that you require.

  Most of all learn to listen to your body...it will tell you what you need.

• hotaka said on Jun 26, 2008....

  You know, I can see how you tried to view this logically and I can see how you still took it as a knife in the heart. Reading some of your posts I know how you have been trying so hard to open up and let your therapist help you. People here have been encouraging you to do so. And then she goes and says something like that.
  
  Well, it's hard to know what to say but there are two things that come to mind. One might be that she had been having a tough day with other clients and just felt like saying that. And maybe in her own moment of unrestraint she let it slip. She tried to make it sound nice with the "let me help you" but her choice of words was wrong. And it reminds me of relationships between two people when they are at some uncomfortable and difficult moment and all hinges on the one person to say the right thing and he (usually he) ends up saying something with the right meaning but in the wrong way and then has to work extra hard to win back lost trust. Heck, I could write a small book of all the times I have said the wrong thing thinking it was the right thing but realizing later what a dolt I was for saying it like that.
  
  Well, I am not saying you have to go back. But I think that she probably let some of her own frustrations out and made a big professional boo-boo. If she lost you as a client then that should teach her a lesson in "bedside manner" so to speak.
  
  As for you, what can I say. You are fighting a battle and it's tough to fight it alone. You do need some backup or assistance if you want to win the war.
  

• wombat said on Jun 26, 2008....

  Stopping by to say hello and wondering how you are today.  Reading that back--I agree with you 100% about how you feel concerning the "she didn't have to say it out loud thing."  You are certainly right on that!

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