Nat and I had a fun day yesterday. The weather was nice so we decided to go down to the beach and the pier and just walk around like one of the many tourists. It was great. We even ate cotton candy and played arcade games.
We were looking at all the gift shop stands too, and I tried to convince Nat to buy this gold sparkly bathing suit. All it consisted of was two little strips of fabric that came together in a V at the bottom. And it had no ass either. I wasn't even sure it was a bathing suit at first because it looked like a fancy sling shot. She laughed quite a lot about it and refused to buy it of course. I wasn't serious anyway! But if she did buy it, I'm not sure where the hell she'd wear it, unless we got invited to the Playboy mansion. That's about the only place you could get away with wearing something that minimal and tacky.
But we watched some guy juggle chainsaws for awhile while we ate our cotton candy. And then we gave some money to the silver robot guy. I don't know why we gave him money though, because all he does is stand there on a box and pretend to be a statue. Is that talent worthy of monetary compensation? Are we praising his ability to stand still or his spray painting skills? I'm not sure. But why not give him a couple bucks? The chainsaw guy deserved it more though. We gave him 5 bucks instead.
I'd really hate for that to be my job though. Standing on a pier juggling chainsaws. Now there's a career path you don't hear many kids aspiring to. I don't think they teach chainsaw juggling at the university.
Anyway, after we had our fill of that, we walked along the beach for awhile. We didn't go swimming, but we did get a little wet. And then we walked along the path where the people rollerblade and almost got ran over a few times. But the best part was when we were walking up the street toward town, and this small group of male Japanese tourists with cameras stopped us.
The main guy who appeared to be the one who spoke the best English, asked me, "excuse me sir, where can I find the Hooters?" And he held out his hands in front of his chest to indicate some big titties. I had to laugh and make a joke and ask if he meant the bar or if he was looking for Sunset Strip. Because they've got hookers over there if he wants some real hooters.
Luckily he found that joke hilarious and he said I must be a comedian. Was I famous? Before I could say no, he snapped my picture anyway. And he told all his friends, "this is THAT guy!" They all nodded their heads in agreement, but I don't know who THAT guy is. Then they asked if I would pose with his friends. Why not? So I posed with his pals, and I directed them up the street to where the Hooters restaurant was. They were really grateful.
I have no idea why Japanese people like taking pictures of me, but it's not the first time. When I was about 3 years old, apparently some Japanese couple fell in love with me in Hawaii. They asked my parents if it would be okay if they held me while my parents took a picture of us. So somewhere in Japan, there is a picture of me at 3 years old with some random couple.
Anyway, we had a really fun afternoon and ended up eating dinner at an outdoor cafe, that has the best chocolate mousse cheesecake ever. Then we went home and sat in our hot tub for awhile, just laughing together and telling stories.
Somehow we started talking about her job and how much I hated getting shots. And I told her about the last time I needed a tetanus shot about 5 years ago. I had recently told this story to someone else, so I couldn't resist telling her about it too.
I was driving down the road, headed to the gas station. I wasn't really paying that much attention when I pulled in, but I really don't think I did anything wrong. But apparently some crazy ass bitch thought I cut her off when I turned in. Maybe I did? I have no idea.
But I got out of my car and started to get my ATM card ready to pay for the gas at the pump. This crazy chick pulls up next to me, gets out of her car and starts screaming at me. I had no idea what she was even talking about. She was rather large and quite hideous looking. And she appeared to be on some sort of scary drugs too.
She was saying how I was an asshole and I almost made her crash her car, and she wanted me to apologize for it. I just held up my hands and said I didn't see her at all, but if I did something wrong, I was sorry. That wasn't a good enough apology I guess because she said I didn't mean it. And the next thing I know, she started hitting me and scratching me with her nails. And then she bit me!
She chomped down on the place where your neck meets your shoulder and actually broke the skin. I think she was a vampire or at least on PCP. She was psycho! And there I was getting beat up by a fat woman. If it had been a man, I would have at least fought back. But with the way this chick was acting, I knew if I tried to defend myself, she'd probably tell the cops some outlandish story of how I tried to beat her up for no reason. So I just cowered against my car while she unleashed on me. Very embarrassing.
Luckily someone called the police though and they arrested her. And I had to go to the ER to get checked out and get a tetanus shot and some antibiotics. Can you believe that??
Nat thought that was the worst story ever and felt horribly sorry for me. But she couldn't help laughing a little too. I mean, someone bit me! That doesn't happen everyday. And it is funny in that, "I cannot believe that happened to you," way. Only me, right?
But overall, yesterday was just a really wonderful day. I know it might sound cheesy, but since I've been feeling better and not miserably depressed for no reason, I feel like I have a new life. It's such an amazing feeling. Probably one that a lot of people take for granted because they've luckily never had to deal with depression like that before. But for me, I've never felt this good in my entire life.
It's pretty damn awesome.
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evil_twin posted on Jun 15, 2008
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Comments
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dailyachesandpains said on Jun 15, 2008....
Hey there!You had me crrrrrracking up! I'm sorry!Slingshot!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!Hoosters!! OMG! Almost tinkled!You in Hawaii as a kid! You poor child. I feel so bad for Little D. because people ALWAYS ask to take her picture. HOW weird is that? I do buy her fancy little outfits for special things, but I still can't see taking a kid's picture because the kid's cute or you like their outfit but don't even know them???OMG, I choked on ice with the lady at the gas station! WHO would that ever happen to? That's not just your luck Kyle, that's nobody's stupid luck. How totally random! ODD! You better have that in a pilot episode somewhere! I even ran and got Mr. Daily to read that to him. You do know he's your twin when it comes to odd, random and silly things (although dangerous) happening to him. Then, he starts with "Almost the same exact thing happened to me at a rotary with lights. Some crazy lady got out and started screaming at me..." It was nothing like your story, so I won't even bother. LOL!I'm so glad you're feeling good right now. Keep it rolling! I'm envious as I had a MISERABLE med. mgmt. appt. the other day. Will tell later!{{{HUGS}}}Daily -
wishyouwerehere said on Jun 15, 2008....
It is so nice to hear what a nice time you had at the pier! So often, we miss out on the simple pleasures in life when all we need to do is stop and enjoy what is right under our noses!Your gas station story scared the crap out of me, though - I thought all the crazy people were here in NY, but apparently not! -
Mr_Box said on Jun 15, 2008....
Oh my god, I totally remember that freaky bitch who bit you at the gas station! That was a wild story.I remember you calling me from the ER and saying you couldn't make it to dinner with us because some bitch took a bite out of your neck. I seriously thought you were high and making shit up.I'm really glad you had such an awesome day yesterday though. It sounds like a lot of fun.Is it just me, or is anyone else insanely curious just who those Japanese guys thought you were?? Who do you look like that's a comedian?This was fun to read. And I'm so thrilled your life is awesome right now. Music to my ears. -
wishyouwerehere said on Jun 15, 2008....
Mr. Box, I wanna know who he looks like, too - but I thought it might be rude to ask!I had my pic taken once in Times Square by a bunch of Japanese tourists who thought I was Chyna, the female wrestler. Seriously, we look nothing alike except for the dark hair. They were screaming "Chyna, Chyna" and I thought it was some kind of protest until one of them said, "show us muscles" and it connected. My sister was with me and she almost peed her pants - it was actually pretty damned funny. -
evil_twin said on Jun 15, 2008....
daily--I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this so much! :-D I have no idea why people would want to take pictures of random kids, but it is definitely weird. In this day and age, I don't think I'd let anyone do that with my own kid (if I had one). The gas station story was just insane, wasn't it? And I can't believe your husband had a similar one to tell!
wish--There are crazy people in LA, believe me! We're the crazy capital! Although I'm sure NY is tied with us :-P I don't know exactly who the Japanese guys thought I was, but I've been told by a few people that I look like Dane Cook. So maybe that's who they thought I was?? People thought you looked like the wrestler Chyna?! That is really hilarious.
Mr. Box--I already answered the 'who do I look like' question above. But I don't blame you for thinking I was high when I told you about the ER story! I probably would have thought the same exact thing :-P
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Mr_Box said on Jun 15, 2008....
Dane Cook huh? I guess I can actually see that. Sort of. That would be hilarious if that's who they thought you were! They'll show all of their friends back home:Look, look! It's Dane Cook! (hey that rhymed!)And then someone is going to point out that you're just some guy on the street and not a famous comedian/actor after all. That's priceless! -
destinydiva said on Jun 15, 2008....
hiya kyle :-) ya know, those sprayed statues really fascinate me!! :-) I was dead impressed each time I have come across one :-) so I payed them for that reason... I wouldnt like to do it for a living tho!! I can never stay still for 5 minutes!!! :-)
sounds like a really fun day, really glad to hear you are feeling so good
:-) xx
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the_infernal_optimist said on Jun 15, 2008....
It sounds like you had an awesome day yesterday. :) I think it's a hoot that people like taking your picture for random reasons (better you than me! I hate random pic-taking).
Dane Cook, huh? Hmm...
And OMG...that's so freaking crazy that you got attacked at the gas station! Only you, Kyle... :-D
~Infernal
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botoni said on Jun 15, 2008....
There are times I think you should travel with a body gaurd. Getting your pic taken is one thing but meeting a canabalistic woman on a rampage is totally in a different ball park.
At lest you had a fun day and I'm thrilled to hear the depression is lifting.
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evil_twin said on Jun 15, 2008....
Mr. Box--I think it's pretty hilarious too that some guy might tell all his friends back home that I'm famous! It'll be a shocker for him if he finds out I'm no one :-P
destiny--You like the sprayed statue guys? I didn't realize they had those people everywhere. That's kind of funny! I'd never be able to do that job either though because I'm way too hyper. And also, I just know I'd start getting itches everywhere just because I knew I couldn't move!
Infernal--People do love to take my picture. But I don't mind because it's funny! And yeah, Dane Cook. That's what I've been told by a few people. But since they said Dane Cook was hot, I took it as a compliment! :-P
botoni--I do need a body guard huh? My life is just insanity waiting to happen. But it makes for great stories!
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Mamie said on Jun 15, 2008....
I just love your stories! I am glad you are feeling so good now...and I hope it lasts and lasts!! mamie -
minniemouse said on Jun 15, 2008....
Hi Kyle...I'm glad you are feeling better...I'm kind of the same, but I guess that is better than worse, huh?
I had to go back and re-read the crazy bitch story...omg...too much! She HAD to have been on something!
I can definitely see the Dane Cook resemblence :-)
Thank you for the Sunday laugh :-) Minnie
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gingersoul said on Jun 15, 2008....
Kyle......now......wait a second......who has been the one here who told you look exactly like that cute babe of Dane Cook???
ME!!!!
See? I was right.... LOL..
Its great you had such a wonderful day...i am very glad for you...:-D
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fearing said on Jun 16, 2008....
You should have several 8x10 glossies done and sign them "That Guy". ;-)
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evil_twin said on Jun 16, 2008....
mamie--Thanks :-) I hope the good lasts too! Forever works for me.
minnie--I'm sorry you're still feeling the same, but it is better than worse! It's good to see you again though :-) I'm sure that crazy lady was definitely on something. Either that or she has homicidal PMS!
ginger--Yes, it was you who said it first! And after you told me I looked like Dane Cook, I asked a few other people too. And they all said you were right! I never saw it before though, but hey, if it's a good thing? I'm happy!
fearing--I should do that! That's my stage name. "That Guy" ;-)
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uniquely-ironic said on Jun 16, 2008....
It's fun to play tourist where you live, huh?
I can't believe that psycho bitch went off on you like that. I think not fighting back was a good idea given her state of mind. Makes you feel sorry for the people she goes home to.
I don't get the japanese taking random picture things either. I had that happen to me in Hawaii a long time ago. I'm minding my own business on the coral reefs and a couple of guys want to take my picture. I always joked with my ex it was probably because I'm so incredibly white that they thought no one would believe them if they told the story of the walking ghost in a leopard bikini.
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tizzygirl said on Jun 16, 2008....
That story is hilarious, but only because you didn't end up getting lock jaw or something else horrible. I would have been freaking out, but I also probably would have wacked her over the head with something heavy...but I'm also a girl and a girl on girl fight isn't viewed as horrible as guy on girl :) I'm lucky, I can beat the shit out of anyone and have a chance of not even getting slightly in trouble :P Being a girl kicks ass!!!! Anyway I am really glad you had a good weekend and that you feel like you have a new life and it's awsome! It's what everyone who cares about you was wishing for and I'm glad it came true :D -
dailyachesandpains said on Jun 16, 2008....
I was just thinking...In the intro. to Jay Leno, don't they show the silver sprayed statue guy? Or is that another show?I think the only way I know the statue guy is because of a show intro...Daily -
tizzygirl said on Jun 16, 2008....
ok it entered my comment in twice so ignore this. I'm not sure what is going on, sorry :)
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queenparanoia said on Jun 17, 2008....
ewwwwwwwwwwwww she bit you!?!?!??!?! lol... =)
anywya i'm glad you had a nice day with natalie... =)
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