Anyone whose been reading my blog knows that I recently lost my Grandmother, and have been, consequently, lost without her. I bumped into my neighbor, D, who is more an acquaintance than a friend, and she asked me to come for coffee - she had heard about my Grandmother. When I got there, she told me she had something to show me, that she felt my Grandmother wanted, and needed me to see.

D told me that her mother had had a favorite lava lamp, that she loved to watch. Shortly after she died, the light bulb in the lamp fused. It's just an ordinary run of the mill globe. I wasn't sure where she was going with this, but she was opening a little treasure chest near the same lamp. She pulled out the globe. I know what a fused globe looks like - it usually has a bit of a black streak. This on has a clear 'M', in white on the bulb. It's not on of those, if you turn it this way, and look from another angle you'll see it. It's an M, and it's white, and I saw it for myself.

You  could take this any way - some people would just put it down to coincidence. I don't, because after I saw it, and incredible peace came over me. You must understand that I have been feeling lost and forlorn and alone and abandoned, and blubbering for days. I just could not stop crying. Yet the minute I laid eyes on the light bulb, the peace that passeth all understanding came over me, and I felt my Grandmother with me.

I told D that one of the things that bothered me the most, was that when Nanna was first diagnosed, she asked me to promise her we'd go for one last cup of coffee with cream - something we always did together, but because she never felt well enough, we never made it. At that point D insisted on taking me out to what used to be our favorite haunt, to have that cup of coffee in honor of her. I didn't really want to go, in fact the thought of going made me start shaking. I didn't think I would cope, but I didn't know how to say no. I was envisaging poor D stuck with me crying hysterically at the coffee shop.

It didn't happen. I felt peaceful, and calm and safe. I enjoyed my coffee. I even ate an entire slice of my Grandmother's favorite cake (haven't been eating much lately). The peace lasted rest of the day into this morning. I've had a few tears, but the utter misery has left me for the time being. I don't think my days of grieving are over by a long shot, but I do know that light bulb made a huge difference to me. So Nanna, if that was from you,  thank-you from the bottom of my heart. I love you.