Bethany forwarded me one of her text  conversations the other night.  This is some of the funniest shit I've seen, and I've saved it to post here.  But first, some background.

She met  Big Mike a month or two ago.  (He is the one who calls himself big mike, we did not come up w/that nickname.)  They've hung out a couple times, he was cute, all was well.  He seemed to be holding it together.  Then he sends her a penis pic.  It was pretty small, and I think having his giant hand in the pic didn't help.  It appeared to be about the size of his pinky, looked like it belonged on an infant.  Well, Bethany decided she liked him enough to give him a shot anyway.  They made plans for a booty call, but he cancelled at the last minute, saying he forgot he had to work early the next day.  So...Bethany was really fucking pissed off.  She stopped responding to his texts for a few days.  Then one night, she has a few cocktails and forwards this text to some people, including big mike.  I don't recall exactly, but it was something like, '7 inches, perfect.  6 inches, nice.  5 inches, ok.  4 inches, push harder.  3 inches, just use your tongue.  It is what it is.' 

Ok, so she instantly gets a reply from big mike. 

 

big mike: What's up?

Bethany: just use your tongue.  It is what it is.

big mike: What are you doing?

Bethany: Texting w/a friend, making fun of your little weewee. 

(I was the friend, and we were making fun of him.)

big mike: Sweet.  So did u get a booty call?

Bethany: Whatever man!  You are a fucking waste of time!

big mike: All because I like to bs ok whatever good luck with fucking search.

Bethany: I'm sure I can find more than the 3 inches you have to offer, thanks.

big mike:oh wow talk shit about something you don't even know that's cool.

Bethany: Not my fault, I offered u a chance 2 use your little wee wee...but you cancelled.

big mike: Oh wow wooptie do.  Not that it matters but what did i do 2 u 2 make u act like this

Bethany: Nothing just being honest.

big mike: How can u be honest about something u don't know, it's all bs.

Bethany: Ok whatever makes u feel better.  U shouldn't have blown me off the other night that was bs.

big mike: Well if making up bs bout other people makes u feel better bout ur skank ass self then so be it.

Bethany: Then u shouldn't have sent me a fucking pic of the bs happening in ur pants.  Don't be mad at me cuz u have a matchstick dick.  And 4 the record I'm not a skank, I don't fuck random people.  Maybe u should ask ur wife how it feels 2 be a skank, she's the one fucking u and everyone else.

big mike: Go 2 fucking hell.

 

Bethany felt bad the next day, gave him an apology, and he forgave her!!!