I am really pissed off with my doctor today.

First, a bit of good news at least :)  My microalbumin (kidney test) has come back into normal range now that my diabetes is being treated.  My potassium that had been high has also come down even though I'm now taking Yasmin which is potassium-sparing.  So for once in my adult life I won't be worried about my kidneys failing in the middle of the night!

But I am royally pissed right now.  I'm writing this to help me think it all over and calm down so I can approach it all more rationally.

Starting with my thyroid.  My TSH was around 4.  The old range for normal was 2-5.  In the U.S., this range has now been adjusted so that normal is from 1-3, but Canada still uses the older recommendations.  So basically, it's high, but by local standards not high enough to treat.  And if I were in the U.S. I might actually be treated for it (I would also be able to give blood in the States).

I do have some long-standing symptoms that I think are thyroid, but thyroid symptoms are all vague and can be explained by other things too.  But my endocrinologist wanted to treat me for it last time I saw her - yet my GP won't do it because of the test results.  I don't have any antibodies present (sign that thyroid is under attack) so I guess that puts a bit of a wrench in the works, but still I'm a bit upset over this.  I was really hoping I would get a diagnosis because I am sick of how I feel.

Next topic, swollen ankles.  It's probably just ideopathic swelling that a lot of women get.  I can deal with that.  It's usually not uncomfortable and I'm otherwise healthy, so it's just vanity at this point.  She suggested support hose, moving around, and putting my feet up.  All of which I do or have done and none of which really help, but oh well.  Guess I'll just be puffy feet lady.  Incidentally edema like that can also be a thyroid symptom, plus things like fatigue/lack of energy (check), depression (check), trouble losing weight (check).  But you can see how with symptoms like that it's really hard to prove anything.

For the depression, we agreed to sort of keep it on the table but not do anything about it yet.  It could just as easily be my circumstances - there are things about my life that would depress anyone - as an actual medical problem.  But we left it as something to keep an eye on and also that if things get worse or I feel like I can't handle it or I just change my mind, I'll call her and she'll phone a prescription in to the pharmacy.  So if I end up needing meds, I won't have to wait for another appointment to get them.  That part was cool with me.

On to: painful feet.  She says, go get my orthotics adjusted.  No thanks, I'm NOT going back there, ever.  Even if it means I have to wait until my insurance will pay for new ones from somewhere else.  She wrote me a prescription to go back and see the guy.  I said, I really don't think I'll go.  She keeps talking about how it's his responsibility to do the follow-up and he shouldn't charge for i-- what part of I'M NOT GOING is not getting across here??

She says I have "false flat feet."  I have an arch, but my ankles fall inward giving me similar symptoms to flatfoot.  I'm glad to have a name for it at least!  She suggested other than orthotics that I could go to a good shoe store and explain my problem and get a shoe with a good arch.  Fine with me, I'll try that!

I asked her about maybe, if I try everything and it still hurts, getting some kind of medical qualification for work - a note from the doctor saying I needed a chair.  She said not really, unless I had serious complications like back problems.  She said she's tried prescribing stools for people who work standing up and they end up getting fired instead.  She said standing up work isn't comfortable for anybody.  I'm trying to explain to her that this isn't just discomfort, tired feet or legs. I am close to TEARS after four hours - and I poke myself with needles and things ten times a day; I'm no wimp when it comes to pain!  But she says just that it's best to avoid those kinds of jobs and get office work if I can.

Um, yeah, because it's SO easy to find office work with no college degree!  Anyway I want to go into pharmacy - it's not like I'm still looking for the career that's right for me.  I know what I want.  She suggests I look for summer jobs at the university, or at Telus.  Why the hell does everyone keep trying to get me to work at Telus?  NO, okay??  Telus treats its workers like shit, and I am neither young enough nor desperate enough to put up with that.

Anyway, next subject: weight.  And the fact that I can't lose any despite months of eating decently and exercising.  I'll warn you in advance, this part really cheeses me off.  The fact that I am not losing weight apparently isn't a problem.

"Well, women do gain weight as they get older."
I'm about to turn 23 for god's sake!

"Oh, that looks like loose skin!  Like maybe you've already lost weight underneath.  You might have some subcutaneous fat that you won't really get rid of."
Right.  I've lost weight.  So why do I not, er, weigh less?  If this is just saddlebags, why, when I HAVE weighed less in the past (like last summer), was I skinnier?

"Well, maybe your college weight actually wasn't the right weight for you.  Maybe you're settling in to your right weight now."
Uh...huh.  So I'm SUPPOSED to look like I'm 5 months pregnant?  And supposed to have a BMI of 27??  (18-25 is normal, 30 is obese)

In the end, her advice was to join a gym so I could meet people (she seems to think that will fix a lot of my "issues."  I'm an introvert!).  Oh, and do lots of crunches to tone up my abs, to hold up my "loose skin".

So yeah, really unhappy with her this time around.  It's odd because she's usually very willing to listen to me and believe me when something's wrong.  Maybe she was in a hurry today, or maybe she's starting to think I complain too much and it can't all be real.  Understandable either way.  It's tempting right now to think of switching doctors, and I may yet.  But that's a drastic move so I'm going to give it some time.  I have to think about the fact that she may be right.  I may just have to finally accept myself the way I am and stop thinking there's some kind of "problem" and I can be "fixed."

But I'm not happy about it!