Well the Grim Reaper has moved off a little bit - but not without taking one last shot at me - while I was dealing with the passing of several humans as well as one of my dogs - less than 2 weeks after her passing - her near constant companion (my sister's dog) unexpectedly had a seizure and died.   He was one of the younger dogs we had and we didn't see that one coming at all.  He had had seizures when he was a puppy (a rescue with his mother and 4 other pups for which we found homes) but the vet said he would probably grow out of it with consistent nutrition - although they could show back up later in his life.  Well they did - with devastating results.  Of course all I remember was how impatient I was with him occasionally and when he would come up for attention how I might not make the time right then - - - of course I'm beating myself up for it now, although those were the exception and the rule was that I helped spoil him for 9 years and I was a big part in his not thinking he was a dog but that he was a furry, quadruped barking human.  I know he missed my girl that died days earlier and maybe he was grieving for her along with my sister and me....but with this one - it felt like I had been slapped across the face.  If the Grim Reaper wanted to get my attention - losing people and animals that I loved was certainly doing it.  Now all I wanted to do was throw rocks at the shadow I was sure was there - that I could almost "see" out of the corner of my eye.   But didn't happen - apparently the fact that I am way uncool - not even remotely "hip" - such an embarrassment to my nieces that they retracted the "friend" requests they had sent me on both myspace and facebook.  (Mind you - when they ran out of gas out in the middle of nowhere at 3am - did they call any of their collective thousand friends to come help them?  Nooooooooo - they called me.  Of course I went to help them.  Then I made them call their father - my older brother.  That was a pleasant call....NOT.)   I am so stupid apparently that the youngster that works in the medical lab that was processing some tests I had run  - that sweet young thing with the high pitched sugary voice called to give me the results - and she couldn't understand why I wouldn't just accept the diagnosis and follow up with my doctor.  I must be stupid because she was reading the results right off the chart.  And who was I....a stupid patient.....WHO DID I THINK I WAS TO QUESTION HER READING / RELAYING ABILITY?????  She even told me I was being rude. 

"Ma'am - you just have to accept it - you need to have your prostate checked."

"Do you hear what you are saying?  Are you not catching the problem here?  I don't have a......." (she interrupts)

"I just read the results ma'am - I can't diagnose or give you any medical advice."

"I wouldn't take your medical advice if you COULD legally give it - because you don't seem to get it - I don't have...."  (interrupts again)

"What do I have to do to make you understand?  YOU NEED TO HAVE YOUR PROSTATE CHECKED MA'AM?  What else can I do to get you to understand?"  (and apparently thinking she had put me on mute - which she had NOT - - speaking to someone else in the office as she put me on speaker phone "listen to this idiotic older lady" 

(in that dead calm tone that scares the hell out of my close friends and my family when they hear it)   "You can shut the fuck up and open your ears and listen very carefully because I am only going to say this once - but I will say it slowly to give it time to sink into your smooth surface, juvenile brain.  #1 - I am a female which you apparently CAN read off the chart because you keep calling me Ma'am as if that allows you to be disrespectful and rude every fucking time you interrupt me.  #2 - I am not OLDER - I am in my 40's - and while that might seem old to you  - I'm not elderly or older - and I'm NOT an idiot.   #3 and more importantly - I do NOT have a prostate.  MALES have a prostate.  I am not a female - hence the "ma'am" thing.   How the hell can I have a problem or issue with my prostate which I don't have - unless you think THAT is issue - is that I don't have one.  So - now that you have put me on speaker phone to make fun of me...how about putting someone on the phone that DOES have a brain and DOES know how to read chart results - and let them tell me what the results really ARE  - and then figuring out who DOES have the prostate problem.  And let me just say - if the lab tests are done with the same skill as the hiring - I want a second opinion and new tests done - somewhere else."

(crying/sobbing noises)  Someone else got on the phone and told me what my real test results were - and they were suitably apologetic - actually they nearly threw themselves on the floor and begged forgiveness repeatedly....I almost (ALMOST but not quite) felt bad for going off on that girl but apparently at least one other person in the office had been trying to get her attention while she was on the phone with me and she kept dismissing them - they caught the "ma'am" and "prostate" in the same sentence and realized she wasn't reading something correctly.   And then - "I'm so sorry she called you old - that's just rude to call a middle aged lady old."   I give up.

     I'm pissed at Dina Lohan - I think she is pretty much worthless in general and probably shouldn't get to ruin her younger daughter's career.  But now - she has taken one of my favorite "motto' phrases and put it on her show - - - so now I have to bury it so no one thinks I picked it up from her.  I'm not saying she ever heard me say it or anything like that - maybe she thinks it's funny too....but damnit - if anyone is more uncool than me - it has to be her.  So - say goodbye to my former motto - - "if it has tires or testicles - it's going to give you trouble".   All yours now Dina.   Now I have to find a new one.   I'll think up a new motto if you will think about that statement again that Lindsay would be taking a step backward in her career if she appeared on the family reality show......help me out here - WHAT career??

      And Denise Richards - - it's really NOT complicated.   You can't act your way out of a paper bag.  I'm not even sure you can pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the sole   No - I didn't watch the show - but I had the misfortune of being in the MRI machine when ads for the show came on - and frankly - her asking the pig breeder if she could just have pig sperm instead of buying a whole pig as a companion to her female pig.....well somehow that just seems to support her allegedly having asked Charlie for his sperm donation.  I don't know why - it just seems to all come together in a weird way.  I am not really a fan of his - never was a fan of hers.....but lord I feel sorry for those kids.  Of course - and this is just a suggestion here - if Denise really wants to ruin those two little girls (I feel SO sorry for them) - maybe she could have Dina Lohan manage them. 

     Really - Star Jones - saying that Barbara's actions and words speak to her true character....RING RING POT CALLING KETTLE.   Let's review - you left the show and ratings went up.  You went to Court Tv - your ratings sucked.  Your show got canceled and the time period ratings shot up with the replacement show.  HMMMM......Barbara told her own story and waited til well after it could have damaged anyone's career (except possibly her own) before revealing what went on.  I'm sure the guy involved was less than overjoyed - but after 30 years - I don't think his family is going to disown him.    But really - after the stunts you have pulled - including faking being surprised at the proposal at the game that just smacks of being set up by you - really.   Biting the hand that feeds you......yet another smart move on your part.  You used to be so wonderful and cool when you first started doing the legal commentary - - - maybe when they did your stomach bypass they also accidently removed that beautiful person and your humanity.  That's a pity  But if you need career advice since you don't respect the trail that Walters blazed for women....hey - Dina Lohan might have some room on her client roster if you need a manager......

     And Joe Simpson....get a life for yourself that doesn't include selling out your kids and future grandchildren.  Really.  You honestly thought Tony Romo would ditch his manager and let YOU manage him??  No seriously.....did you REALLY think that???  After you cried in the church when Jessica married Nick..and told everyone there that this was the worst day of your life  Somewhere Nick has to be laughing his ass off....repeatedly.  Probably so is Ryan Cabrera.     Seems like before you can be an ordained minister of any religion - you should have to sign an agreement saying you won't pimp your kids for your own profit and perks.  You could occupy your time by helping Star Jones with her career - you all seem to be on the same wavelength for self-promotion - - - just don't talk about Star's boobs like you do Jessica's.....she would probably clobber you.  And it's just creepy when you talk about your own daughter that way.....oh hey - Denise Richard's might need some career advice too - who else is she going to ask - Dina Lohan/one of the Long Island Mother of the Year Recipients....???

     Liv Tyler.....you figured out you might have made a mistake ditching your husband because Gwenyth Paltrow said "marriage takes a lot of work."    Is it any wonder that your dad went into rehab for some peace and quiet.  Right. 

     Posh Spice was given a vineyard to give her something to do besides shop and party - she doesn't have many close friends and misses the level of fame she had in Britain  - and her clothing line didn't take off.   So hubby buys her a vineyard......what - to drown her sorrows less expensively?  How about raising those 3 boys?  I guess we can change from Posh to Lush if she really gets into the wine tasting part of it.....

     Can Paris Hilton do ANYTHING on her own without copying one of her BFF's?? 

     See?  It IS truly possible to live and survive without updates on Brittany's life every 10 seconds.   She's probably doing better with all the paparazzi on her ass 24/7.  I hope she is anyway.....I'm not a fan  but there was obviously something very wrong and I hope she continues to get better

    Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong going strong??!!??!!??  Didn't she break up with Owen Wilson like 15 minutes ago??  And she says she needs to reconnect with that 17 year old that was braver about kissing boys  Doesn't look like it to me sistah!!

     Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer.  Please.  And she is supposed to be so emotionally fragile???   Get outta here!!!!!   She needs to hold onto to whatever p.r. person came up with THAT one.   On a side note - can you picture Joe Simpson getting John Mayer to honor an prior agreement to attend Ashlee's wedding if he had still been with / broken up with Jessica.....puhleeze.  It would be easier to herd cats or nail jello to a tree than to get him to do something. 

     Maybe the democrats need to remember something...it's government OF THE PEOPLE - BY THE PEOPLE - FOR THE PEOPLE.  Long memories may remind them of this in the next election.  Of course - I would love to see them have the convention and get up there and say "yeah - we're not picking EITHER of you".  Just to see the look on the faces.   I would like to feel better about the upcoming election because it's so historic with a female and a black being viable candidates....but I just don't feel it.  I wish I could......of course I don't really look forward to (should McClain be elected) the first time Hugo Chavez and McClain butt heads.  That could be ugly - or funny as hell - but just in case - I'll wait for the Youtube video should it occur.   And I'm sure Bill Clinton is relieved to go back to what he was doing before this campaign came up....

     I guess I'm done ranting the random thoughts out of my head.  I hope the Grim Reaper goes and has a long hibernation.  I don't want to wish him on anyone else - but I don't know that my heart can take anymore death now - human or canine or feline.....my health is having enough trouble on it's own without THIS kind of stress.   Yeah - I'm not cool - I'm not hip - I'm not drop dead look like a model gorgeous - and I can be a beyotch when I am sick.  Get over it.  I'll be nice when I feel better again...but until then - I see shadows moving out of the corner of my eye - I'm throwing ROCKS baby......so run while you can!! (too tired to spell check this too)