• pickersplock said on Jun 04, 2008....

  I guess you've just 'gotta rock on, and tell him over and over again to;
  GO TO HELL!
  How's that?

• wombat said on Jun 04, 2008....

  (what pickersplock said)

• nytquill17 said on Jun 04, 2008....

  I spent a long time thinking over these sorts of things myself.  It's normal and very good for you to grieve the childhood and the parents you SHOULD have had, and to get mad as hell at the people who stole that from you.  The people who were supposed to be your guides in life left you stranded without a map.
  
  For me, I came to realize that there were some things that I was never going to make up.  I was never going to go back and fix myself or have an idea of the life I could've had if none of that had ever happened.  I had to grieve that too, and it was hard.
  
  But going through all that got me to where I could move on.  I learned to make excuses for myself (in a good way): "Well, of course I don't know how to xyz.  How could anyone expect that of me, the way I was treated?"  I learned to defend myself - to myself - by analyzing myself to death.  "I'm like this because my father..." and I trained myself to put the anger and the guilt and the blame where it belonged.
  
  Then at some point I got all the good I could get out of analyzing myself.  It wasn't a matter of choosing to stop, but rather of exhausting the material that was there and having nowhere else to go but forward.  It took at least a year for me and you know how simple my past is compared to yours.  I finally stopped looking backwards and said, "Well, okay.  This is me right now.  I can't change anything about the past that got me here, that gave me these issues.  Now I'm the grownup so it's up to me to either get myself through these issues or learn how to work with and around the things that will never heal."
  
  Since then I've been trying to teach myself everything I thought I should have learned.  I can't literally give myself a better childhood, but I can be the parent (to myself) that I needed but never had.  It's so wacky, learning all these things as an adult that you should know - teaching yourself things that you should have been taught by someone else before you even knew you were learning.  Let's say I've read a lot of books and articles trying to figure it out.  And it's not quite the same, not quite natural.  But nobody else is going to do it for me so it's the best I'm gonna get.
  
  Anyway, I guess the point of all that is, you WILL find a way.  It sounds like you're already starting through the stages.  Your stages might be different than mine.  Your answers will be different from mine.  And I know three years ago I couldn't imagine being where I am today.  Literally could not wrap my head around it, could not believe it was possible.  So don't worry if you can't see a way through.  You don't have to see it.  Your mind and your body will take you through it on their own, and when the time is right for you there will BE a way through.  Like magic, like transcending to a new dimension - something totally inconceivable begins to seem possible.  The human body is a healing machine, you'd be hard pressed to stop it.
  

• Mamie said on Jun 05, 2008....

  hiya I think ....sometimes, whe you have these things that cannot truly be resolved to your liking...you step outside the normal box of who you are and how you live and you make what I call a life decision. You might say...until Friday I am going to absolutely fume over this injustice done and the pure hatred that I feel for this loser that was my real life father.

  Come Friday.... I am never going to give him this power over me, my thoughts and therefore my life. He does not get the benefit of having me continue this suffering. He does not exist. He is in eternal hell and that is fine by me. I will no longer serve his demons by punishing myself.

  Saturday and beyond: the feelings will come, but you then jus t  honor yourself and your life decision. You keep at it until it actually becomes not just your life decision of how to be, it becomes the truth and how you are. You peel back those layers and voila! There is your authentic beautiful, loving, divine self, just waiting to have coffee with your E-pals...I am ready when you are.!! Love you!! M

• crybabylu said on Jun 05, 2008....

  I agree with pickers!

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