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and so the...........

cuppajava posted on Jun 03, 2008 | views: 131 | Tags: demons, sub conscience, friends
Another sleepless night,another day,another headache.
I dont know What it is - I dont know if something is worrying me in my sub conscience or not.I thought about maybe going for hypnosis and seeing if that made a difference - but that all sounds pretty stupid.
Never been down that road before,dont know if I want to go there.I have one too many demons lurking in one too many closets for that kind of treatment.But I guess we all have at least one or 2 demons right? Maybe,maybe not.
It feels strange for me,cos I never used to have a problem with sleep.Even if it was only 4 or 5 hours a night,at least it was sleep,rest - a place where my brain and my body could tell everyone else and everything to just f&%k off and leave me alone.
 
I only managed to get back on line this morning,I have read and commented on all of your wonderful suggestions.
I am hopefully going to get an oppurtunity to try the meditation this evening - I hope it works - I'm sure it will - focus,all I  have to do is focus.
I held one of my packs of 'tripteline in my hand last night - one tablet - 25mg - its the size of a pin head - how bad could it be.?
Then i remembered that i hadnt eaten since lunch time,so the 'should I ,shouldnt I ' game stopped right there.
Can any of you,anywhere in the world recommend a good neurosurgeon - one who will rid me of this curse that i have been blessed with since child birth?
Please supply their names and email addresses if possible.
i'm beginning to get a feeling of desparation,and I dont like it,I'm trying to fight it.I'm telling myself - I AM alright.I'm telling myself there is NO problem.Then I look at the envelopes with the MRI and Xray in them and suddenly I realise........."Houston,we have a problem".............. 


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Comments

  • diabolicdame said on Jun 03, 2008....
    MRI.. Xray.. is everything ok?
  • pusscat said on Jun 03, 2008....
    Hey cuppa - am I going to have to come all the way over there (it's rather a long bus ride)?!  you gotta stop hiding this stuff from me - the way you are feeling.  PM me - then it's seperate from the other stuff (you know what I mean).
     
    It breaks my heart to read this :-(  See if we can at least smile together :-)
  • cuppajava said on Jun 03, 2008....
    Hi - Diabolic - yeah,it is OK.Its just that all my life,up until  a year ago,i was obviously aware that io had spina bifida.I was not aware,however,of the severity of it,as this had been kept from me all my life by my parents.
     Being an adult now myself,its now easy for me to go for all the tests and things to investigate.
    It was a chain of events.If I hadnt have fallen the way I did last year,there would have been no need for xray or MRI.Since the diagnosis I spent a long period of time in denial,as if to say that,all my life I have tried to keep my self physically fit,and was a sporty kind of guy - now having all this unloaded bon me by the doctors  - it has taken quite a while for me to get my head around everything.I have to realise and accept what I have,because the it is permanent and the only thing to solve it is another op.THAT op could take away everyhting that i have left mobilitywise ( paralasis )
    So I would rather stay the way I am and accept it.
    I have tried to deny it and and pretend that there is nothing wrong,intead of working through it.
    But the MRI and xray prove that there is something wrong and i cant run away from it.
    Hope that makes sense.
     
    PC - At which bus stop would you be arriving and when.Should I go pitch my tent there now ????
  • pusscat said on Jun 04, 2008....
    Just looking up the timetable cuppa - get the kettle on :-)
  • diabolicdame said on Jun 05, 2008....
    I didn't know all this! I'm so sorry you have to go through this! I thought it was just insomnia but I didn't know all this!  ((hug))

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