I remeber back in February 2006, I went on vacation to the ocean. I remember feeling such a strain and tension from the miles separating me from the rest of my life. Back then it didn't matter if it was only a couple of days. I laid on my stomach in the bed of the hotel room and talked on the phone to my friend Linda.

 

I have never felt this way before, I began. After a date or a make out session with a man I would always feel tainted, guilty or (God forbid) dirty. But, with her it is the complete oposite. I am almost waiting for those negative feelings to surface, but they have not. That is how I knew that I could never belong to a man. Sometimes the idea is appealing. The strong, attractive hero type from movies. Or even exotic men in real life. I find many of them attractive. Just not for me. I continued, she makes me feel free, enlightened and beautiful. She could be my best friend and my lover. Everyday with her would be as sweet as a summer afternoon. She has everything that I lack and we complete one another.

 

That girl swept me off my feet and carried me for months. She was a stolen secret, you know. A few days before I spoke to my friend and exboyfriend on the phone. We went to highschool and prom together. I was down right cruel to him and every time I think about it the regret just blankets me. He doesn't speak to me much now, if at all. I don't want to smother him, he is in another place now; a better place, if you will. But, I miss him. Anyway, our conversation went something like this...

 

Haaay!! I saw your Myspace page.

Oh really...?

Mhm, and your "orientation" update...

Mmhm...

Me too!!!

OMG!!

NO, but like for real we should get together, hang out, whatever.

I would like that.

 

He was the second person I shared my interest with. After I spoke to him that night I went out with her and her girlfriend (at the time, maybe. I don't really know what they were)/my friend. I did'nt want to over step my boundaries, but I wanted her. With all of the Aries fire that burns within my soul, I wanted her. I had thought the best way would be when she and I were alone. But, when would that be? My friend was getting drunk fast and back then I could hold my alcohol. They had a fight. My friend cried, her girlfriend got mad and I was in the middle. We were in the city. My car was in the county. My friend was drunk and ready to drive me back to my car. Her girlfriend wouldn't go anywhere with my friend.

 

I wanted to stay with her.

 

It seems like such a long time ago. The the wind, the years go by. She and I have been though quite a lot together. Job gains and losses, promotions, birthdays, anniversaries, infadelity, tears, laughter, sickness, health, first apartments, cars break downs, losing friends, losing family, holidays. That is life. It really is a good life. Perhaps it could use a little tweaking. But, for the most part, life is pretty good. If, you look at it that way.