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We are over, I should have known. I should not care about you too much. And like any acquaintance, I should just say, “Get well soon”. That should be enough. Detached but cordial, almost courteous.

 

Everybody gets sick sometimes. Some recover, some don’t. Yours is benign. You can get back on your feet and be that person again – secure and confident. I need not worry about you…You will be well sooner than you become nice.

 

You can’t sleep? I totally understand, I might be the same. But peace shall come to you and you shall laugh again --- in honest ecstasy. Life has its ups and downs, surely now you hit rock bottom. But everything will fall into place in its time. So don’t forget to nourish your body, you love them. Mona Lisa is gonna fall from the wall looking at your hard-as-a-rock form, you once said. I laughed, your arrogance was annoyingly hilarious.

 

When you are feeling a little better, go to the market and shop but don’t get fleeced. You can’t afford losing money now. Especially not from outright negligence. I know you are stupid pretending to be smart. A lawyer who has never won a case… I’m kidding. Don’t flare up just yet, because the truth is, I can never outwit you. You are candidly tactless.

 

You will get your job back. They can’t kick you out just like that. But if they did, we can make money out of it. I told you that. We shall bring your issue to the Labor Union. You think I was kidding but I was dead serious.

 

There is no time specified for your recovery. But don’t be somber, because it could be tomorrow, next week, next month. Who knows. None of us knows, not even your doctor. So cheer up! Though a poker face suits you, a smile could certainly increase your face value. Stop being aggravated, you don’t own the misery of the world.

 

When you are feeling really bad, fever soars and muscles ache, please call your mom. Someone should look after you. At least for now. I wish I could help you in these trying times, but I can only do so much. My distant presence is not enough but I hope it matters.  I wish I could cook your meal, do your laundry, clean your room and just be there with you when you can’t do all these. It’s not out of pity, I have vowed not to care for you anymore. It is because I am worried.

 

I am worried that you won’t wake up to say me your Hello. I am worried that I won’t be able to see you moving again. I am worried, that I won’t be able to speak with you anymore. I am worried that you would stop responding to my emails. I dread that day to come. How will I take that?

 

I am worried if I could ever live normally if you are gone. I shall hate you more.

 

Knowing you are alive from a distance, though hurts is bearable. But the idea of you gone forever is just too much.

 

So live. You are strong as an ox. You are not a good person after all. Death shall evade you. 



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Comments

  • crybabylu said on May 30, 2008....
    Wow!  This is very good! I felt the passion of your words coming off the screen....good job...
  • antithesis said on May 30, 2008....
    Thanks for the comment and for visiting my blog :-)
  • hotaka said on May 31, 2008....
    I think a few people here can relate to those words. At least, I can hear myself speaking different words but in a similar tone. Not now but at one point or another.
  • antithesis said on May 31, 2008....
    Indeed, hotaka. We just get too conflicted sometimes that words fly over. Thanks for reading.

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What would be said about you and your life at your memorial service?
What would you want said? How do you want to be remembered?...
I wish I had the nerve. I'm trying to compile it. To just end it. Stop it now. Just a little blood and peace. Real peace.

I won't miss anything about this life. The struggle, the pain, love... nothing....
I wonder.......
If you knew how much time you had left me might take life as a gift.
Go to this link to see how long you are expected to live, and share this link with others.
Good luck.
http://www.deathclock.com/...
"Nurses at the state's mental hospital in Goldsboro walked past a patient sitting in a chair for more than 22 hours without giving him food or helping him to the bathroom before he died..."...

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