• dubiousjayhawk said on Aug 11, 2006....

  I think it's good.. but a little choppy. I'm sure you could rewrite a bit of it... freshman in highschool is young to write really good poetry. I doubt even Robert Frost wrote as well at 15 as he did later in his life!

• LoriaAmnekia said on Aug 11, 2006....

  Thanks. I agree that it could use some work, but the inspiration is gone. I literally wrote it in class (luckily, after class when my teacher asked why I wasn't paying attention, I was able to show him and he understood). I used to have a bunch of poems from 8th grade on up, but they were lost. I only have a few now that I can look back on.

• ALIENated said on Aug 11, 2006....

  I am not really a poet, but I like to write songs. I have dozens of tunes with just one verse written and maybe a chorus. So, I guess your poem is good. The real question is, is there some deeper meaning than what the words say on the surface? I know in English class the teacher would relate some underlying deal about a story or poem and the class would just say duh. I did not see that. I guess if you can achieve that you are a real poet. Write on.

• LoriaAmnekia said on Aug 11, 2006....

  Thank you ALIENated. I don't know if there's a deeper meaning or not. Like I said, I wrote it my Freshman year of high school, so I don't really remember. I just know that we were studying wars and we had watch Schindler's List and all the stuff about the wars just upset so much, I wrote out the poem. I showed it to my teacher after class, and he liked it. In fact, he liked it so much, he copied it, took out my name so that it was anonymous, made it into a transperancy, and showed it to all of his history classes on those overhead machines. He did tell them a student had wrote it, but never mentioned my name. Which is what I had wanted.

• dauntlessreign said on Aug 11, 2006....

  poets have their unique way of self expression, sure you have one.

• ALIENated said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Wow, what a compliment that was (showing your poem to the other classes). I have avoided Schindler's List. I know it is probably too much for me. I think the only good from that war was the re-creation of Israel.

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