As I state in my profile, I am 23 years old. I am married to my second husband. I should never have married the first. I don't want to leave anything out, so some of this copied from my livejournal.

I had my oldest daughter in 2001. Her father (the Monster) and I broke up. I moved in with a friend of mine (the Cowboy-Thug-Wannabe) and one of his friends. But the place was not fit for my baby girl to live in. So when she was four months old, I gave guardianship of her to my dad and step-mom. Cowboy-Thug-Wannabe and me ended up together (he was an ex-boyfriend anyway) and I got pregnant with my son later on. He left me at seven and a half months pregnant. I ended up going back to the Monster and we got married two days after my 19th birthday. That would be March 22nd, 2002. My son was born April of 2002. By June, I wanted a divorce. Monster and I split up. He moved out and my son and I lived in the apartment Monster and I had shared for a while. Then I lost the apartment. I found Sweet Dragon a week or two before I was evicted. We went to school together. He graduated high school while I was in my Sophmore year. I flirted with him all the time, but he was niave and very studious in school. Anywho, we got together in September of 2002. My son went and stayed with my mom and I was homeless. In October, I found out that Cowboy-Thug-Wannabe had knocked me up while we were seeing each other (before Sweet Dragon came along). My mom was mad. She tried keeping my son from me, but that didn't work. Monster agreed to get an apartment for him, me, and my son, since my son is legally his. So we got my son back. When my daughter was born in May of 2003, Sweet Dragon was very happy. He loves her and her brother like his own. He even loves my oldest who he has only seen once since she lives in a different state. Anywho, the baby was very alergic to the diapers I used and the hospital called DCFS and I gave my mom guardianship of my son and baby girl. Then Sweet Dragon's parents kicked him out and we found a little apartment for the two of us and his cat that he had named Midnight. We moved into our new apartment in August of 2003. We've had problems with getting my mom to let me see the kids, but every thing seems to be okay on that front now.

Okay, that was the copied part. Now, Sweet Dragon and I are married. We have a beautiful one year old daughter. We have two cats (Silver Tiger Dragon and Stormy Cloud). Our cats are two years old. We live in a three bedroom that we rent from and older friend of ours (older age wise). I don't see my oldest daughter very often and right now my stepmom isn't speaking to me. My step-sister-in-law told her my house was filthy and not safe for the baby, so my step-mom called my mom and had her tell me to clean. Well, the house wasn't that bad. It just wasn't up to her neat-freak standards. (I like my home lived-in, what can I say? It's a HOME not a museum.)

Anyways, my mom and I are on great terms now. Sadly, my step-father commited suicide last July (2005). But Sweet Dragon and I are trying to help her through it since my step-family won't even speak to her. Only my step-dad's step-mom and his twin brother ever talk to her. Anyways, we watch the kids whenever she needs. Last year, my dad and step-mom adopted my oldest. The year before that, my mom and step-dad had adopted the other two.

I love my mom with all my heart and I do everything I can for her. The kids are my brother and sister. Sometimes it still hurts. But, I know that they are happy and loved and get the care they deserve. I have a relationship with them and they miss me when they don't see me for a while. I am usually with them at least once a week.

I am trying to the best I can with my one year old. Having her father with me helps a lot. I know that he loves me and would never hurt me the way my ex-husband did or the way my ex-boyfriend did. He adores his daughter and does everything he can to make sure we have what we need.

For the most part, our marriage is fine. We are starting to have a problem with communication, my husband and I. I am trying so hard to find a way to fix this. I wish I could just wave a wand and have it be fine.

I am a CSI and Harry Potter fanatic. I watch all the CSI episodes I can, own all the Harry Potter movies, and I am working on owning all the Harry Potter books. I read fanfiction for both CSI and Harry Potter. I write fanfiction for Harry Potter as well (slash, always slash).

I write original poetry and wish I could complete at least one of the ideas I have for an original story. I freely admit to having low self-esteem and a very poor self-image. Some days, I really hate myself. I get angry at myself for not being able to raise my first three children, for the abortion I had when my oldest was 2 months old, for not being the world's greatest housekeeper and wife, for not having got my high school diploma, for not having my GED yet, and for not being able to get past the anxiety problems that are keeping me from working and helping my husband support our family. I am a stay at home mom who desperately wants to find some sort of computer she can do from home. I want to get my GED but can't find the time with all the hours my husband puts in. I want to do a by-mail writing class but can't afford it right now.

I would love to be a published writer, but can't find the right venue for any of my poems.

Anyways, I guess that's good for now. I hope someone reads this and responds to it.