I write this with some regret and apprehension. I know that I've seen some of the kindest people here that you're likely to meet anywhere and I'm glad to have joined this community even if I don't blog very much and don't consider myself a talented writer. Writing about personal problems is more like venting about your condition and there's no talent in doing that.
This is about the rocky road that my marriage is on right now. True that I cannot say it's not my fault about the distance that's developed between us but I can honestly say that I'm not totally to blame either.
My wife has left me as she desires peace and to give herself some time to heal after all the emotional turmoil that she's gone through with her daughter and me. My stepdaughter in a rebellious mood left the house as soon as she turned 18 and truthfully she did it in bad taste. Her words, although maybe not meant to be insulting, were just that as when she started working we asked her to contribute to the household expenses. She refused to pay 'rent' and although it was made clear that we were too tight and needed her contribution now that she was working she commented that she would rather pay 'rent' in an apartment than have to do so at home and put up with stupid rules to begin with.
Needless to say those words cut my wife's heart in two and she was promptly asked to leave and live on her own. (This was after she had been living out with her boyfriend and leaving the room we had helped her find in a family oriented household renting a room).
Things quieted somewhat after she left and we started to get into a routine but the cold war escalated between my wife and I ( and I honestly don't know if it will get better ever....at least we are talking now but I feel ever so distant from her). It escalated to the point where she looked for a place to stay and left me to my own devices, knowing full well that I need her input to keep afloat so I guess it's over at least for now.
In the meantime she refused to talk to her daughter and would mention her as 'that girl'....something that I never accepted and would try to make her at least say her name. But after having moved out (most of the her stuff anyway) and even asking me if she could come over regularly (she picks up and drops some kids to and from school for extra pocket change...hey it pays for her weekly gas money) so she could watch her favorite soap opera, as it was convenient for the distance and time it started (wtf?) and to which I said no thanks if you move out you can watch it somewhere else.....but I'm getting off course here.
Her daughter calls her about a week ago crying and wanting her to come pick her up.
They had been packing their stuff and planning to move to outskirts of Atlanta when she made the phone call and we found out that she had a big fight with the boyfriend and as they were living with the parents the father (flaky character so I hear) asked her to leave. And of course the boyfriend had been playing around with someone else.
Did I forget to mention that my stepdaughter is pregnant?
Nice mess she got herself into huh? but she needs to come home and have the baby even though she found out that her mother and I have separated and was embarrased to come back to the house.
I didn't have the heart to say no and I will actually admit that I never could click with her properly, but then again I also would love nothing more than to have a daughter to care for and now the prospect of a little boy to care for and hear the pitter-patter of little feet running around.
Am I crazy or just mentally deranged?
I've had nothing but rejection from my stepdaughter since we first met and although I know that you can't force anyone to love you, you can at least get respect from them and doing just that was quite a chore sometimes.
Although I must admit that the situation she's in is forcing maturity on her in a big way.
Her attitude has humbled a lot and I've noticed that she's maturing as a young woman as pregnancy will do that to anyone as you expect the appearance of the newborn. But now she's back in the house and (yes she'll contribute what she can) getting ready to have her baby boy and her mom is living somewhere else. But I don't know for how long as she's torn about living here without her mom who has clearly stated to her that she doesn't want to come over. How much of that is jelousy and/or want of control of the situation with her daughter is anybody's guess but I figure it's no small a part.
Just when you think that life will be getting into a routine and you are starting to take some control of it....oops here comes another curve and the rollercoaster takes another climb for yet another set of ups and downs on the highway of Life.
Please excuse my ranting but I needed to let some steam out. And if anyone has a solution to or direction to go please comment as any advice will be much appreciated.
Any prayers you might care to throw my way would be much appreciated.
Rc
