• Ownedgalbabs said on May 20, 2008....

  Well as all acts of a D/s nature are supposed to be SSC and in light of her "condition"  perhaps a trip to your family doctor is in order?  Medicated ointments are available and there is often the option of surgery in some cases.  In otherwords, yes there is treatment available for her physical condition.
  
  Now in terms of emotional considerations that may be an entirely different matter.  How submissive is she really?  You mention elsewhere that she is your slave?  In a comment on one of my blogs concerning objectification and that you  practice such.  Which to me spells that she should be limitless and yet you further express that she is not fully submissive.  So I am confused.
  
  A slave is without limits and therefore doesn't object.
  
  An object is something you would come to have little regard for in terms of wants and desires.
  
  Personally I would have a very open discussion with her to determine exactly how much you may/may not be on the same page.  It is possible that her physical condition may not be as big an obstacle as you seem to think.
  
  Best of luck,
  babs
  

• FreyasMaster said on May 20, 2008....

  Babs you detect much complexity in our lives in my writing :) and as to the meaning of slave and a slaves role, I certainly need to have this discussion with her. She wants to please me, but at the same time fights the concept, of unconditional slave (It certainly is conditional due to us being a family with children (see other post on this subject)). Children make it more complex, causing issues between being that good "housewife" role model for children, and being that slutty cunt for masters use. Mixed roles, so mixed confusion.
  
  In a nutshell, 50% of the time full unconditional slave, 50% not, and the when one or the other is on is very mixed, so really what needs to happen is during the agreed upon times when she is fully 100% slave, she needs to be that unconditionally. That needs to just happen.  Need to have that talk (with paddle in hand).
   Granted, I believe in safe word, I also believe in taking good care of my slave, if she has a true medical problem, it has to be fixed, or worked around, as her safety is the #1 thing always. When you have a Thoroughbred you deal with the extra needs to keep it healthy and strong for the next long endurance race. and believe me when I take her out for a ride, I make sure shes out of breath, her ass is red, exhaustion is right on the edge, and all holes have been trained and conditioned for next time.
  
  
  

• kittykat{A} said on May 21, 2008....

  Hi FreyasMaster, nice to meet you :-)

  i've just read this post and the comments several times to try and make a bit of sense of it. i think perhaps the main problem i have getting your dilemma through my brain (maybe its just a 'blonde' day) is that i have always thought that the differences between 'submissive' and 'slave' are quite defined, to me they are not interchangeable terms of reference, they are very definite roles with very definite differences. i don't know what others think of the whole 'slave' vs 'sub' debate so maybe it would be good to share views on the subject....

  However, i agree with babs wholeheartedly. A slave is without limits, and without objections, fully and completely submissive, merely there for the pleasure of their Master (within the boundries of SCC) so therefore when you say "In a nutshell, 50% of the time full unconditional slave, 50% not, and the when one or the other is on is very mixed, so really what needs to happen is during the agreed upon times when she is fully 100% slave, she needs to be that unconditionally. That needs to just happen.  Need to have that talk (with paddle in hand)."  i just wonder whether you and your wife are indeed 'singing from the same hymn sheet' as to what your expectations are, of each other. Maybe there is a little confusion stemming from the fact that an open, frank and honest discussion needs to be had.

  Good luck,

  kk

• pusscat said on May 21, 2008....

  Hi everyone.  Welcome to the madhouse FreyasMaster.
   
  A slave and a sub are as different as a cat and a dog, chalk and cheese.  Not interchangeable.  The slave's beliefs and way of thinking are serving orientated at all times.  There is rarely a case of a slave only being a slave for part of the time (behaviour may change during periods when children are around) A slave is not in any way 'better' than a sub or more submissive, just different in their way of thinking and what their main goals are.  A slave's whole being is to serve - this can be domestic, sexual, work related i.e. accountancy, or all of those.  There are no limits to her serving so long as it is SCC.  The Dom/me has a huge responsibility - ensuring the slave is financially cared for if she does not go out to work and will be taken care of upon his demise.  Slaves are so eager to please, they will often not state when they are ill, hence the Dom must be very aware of any change in the slave's mannerisms that may highlight illness.  I hope I am not over stepping any mark here but from what I have read including the other post, I believe that your wife may be a sub rather than a slave.  As subs, we still submit 100% of what we have to give, but we do tend to have more boundaries, hard limits etc.  We have much more of a say in what we will and won't partake in and how we'd like our lifestyle to be with our chosen Dom/me.
   
  I recently read something that really made sense to me.  Whether new to the relationship or just being aware that people change, both of you write down exactly what you believe you want from the lifestyle/relationship.  Ask her to create her own BDSM Checklist (many on websites) and you write down what you would like and what you don't like.  It can take time but will be worth it if you reach a mutually happy and beneficial conclusion.  My husband and I are going through the same process as he has been ill for so long so  there are many desires and wants that i have that he is yet unaware of, that I have discovered about myself recently.  Your wife may be trying to agree with you on everything to please you as it is her nature to please but, an extremely happy and content sub is the best sub of all :-)  This will only be gained by utmost honesty from both parties.  It will be your duty to ensure that she believes that there will be no recriminations for her honesty.
   
  I do hope you both begin to walk the same path and it be happy too.
   
  pc

• sweet_rose said on May 22, 2008....

  I believe there is a part missed. Even though she is a slave she still is capable of being put into "bad" pain. It doesn't sound like the act of surrendering is a problem, but the fact her butt is medially "broke" at the moment. To make her go through with it would not be SS&C. The year is 2008 and as much as we believe being slave gves up 100%. There are times when it is not humanly possible. It may be a sacrifice on the Dominants part, but You will get ten hold back from her.
   
  Frankly if someone was fucking my sore ass all it would cause is my ass to be more sore.. and worst off resentment further down the line. :-)
   
  take care,
  rose

• his-slut said on Jun 11, 2008....

  A few suggestions.  Up until recently I shared your wive's position for the same reason, but Master wanted it so much my desire to please him helped me make changes. 

  The first step is to clear up the roids.  There are many ways to do this if they are indeed small, frequent hot soaks in the tub, medications, diet (activia yogurt and daily salads were greatly helpful for me).  Next is a trust issue.  I revised my hard limit and began to allow Master to rub his cock between my cheeks.  I trusted him not to go beyond that, and he enjoyed the sensations and visual it gave him, and appreciated my efforts to please him. 

  At the same time we purchased a small, thin butt plug.  Once the roids were under control, not prominent or visable, and bm's were no longer painful and/or bloody, we began the process of stretching my anal opening with the butt plug. 

  Remember to stimulate her clit while using the plug, even fucking her vaginally while it's in and allowing her to come.  This will help her associate anal penetration with a pleasuable experience.  I love the full feeling of double penetration, it can be highly erotic. 

  Successful?  Yes, as a matter of fact Master had anal with me on Sunday night, giving it a good hard pounding.  It still does very little for me, but pleasing him, being used by him for his pleasure is highly erotic. 

  Yesterday I continued my anal training by inserting a medium sized plug in myself and wearing it for an hour.  I used my g-spot vibe and mini-wand vibe and ended upcumming 3 times in less than five minutes.  The only time I experienced any pain was during the insertion and removal of the plug.  I am hopeful that this will gradually disappear the more stretching I do. 

  I hope this helps your wife, after all providing you with pleasure should be one of her most important goals.  Oh by the way  I had 3 kids in 4 years and have had roids since my first pregnancy 16 years ago. 

  Also you might try pussycat's idea of both creating a bdsm list, what you want to try, what you definitely like/want, and what you are hesitant about, then try bartering with her.  Try something from her list you prefer not to do if she is willing to try anal for you.  Good luck.

• his-slut said on Jun 11, 2008....

  Ooops!  I forgot to mention that you should use plenty of lube. Too much is much better than not enough.  Also if she's like me and hates feeling wet back there, be nice and clean her using a wet cloth or disposable wipes when you are done riding between her cheeks, using a plug, and hopefully eventually using her back door for your pleasure.  To me when Master does this it is a gesture of appreciation to me for pleasuring him, as well as loving, in that he wants me to be comfortable.  It lets me know I've been a good slut.
   
  Oh that too, verbalize your pleasure and appreciation to her every step of the way.  It will help her feel good about what she's doing for you and lets her know that you realize how much she loves you and is willing to do for your pleasure.
   
  Lastly show her this.  If she doesn't read the blog print it our for her and ask her special to read it.  Knowing that it can be done may give her the confidence to try herself.  Feel free to contact me through a reply.  I can provide an email address if either of you have any questions.
   

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