well....or grace.
or prudence for that matter either.

but one at a time here.

there are things i believe......not because i have any proof.....but because i just can't imagine it being any other way.

one of those is a belief in reincarnation.

i can't imagine that after we die we simply go unconscious.

but anyway, the thing is....right now.
i just want the rest of this life to be over with.
i'm tired of it.

and yeah....i know....maybe there are good things  in the future.
maybe i'm too hasty......it's probably so.
but right now looking at it.....i can't see it.
and i'm impatient.
i want something good to happen right NOW!
i'm tired of nothing......or bad things happening.

there are lessons i'm refusing to learn. i'm sure of that......and because i'm so impatient and refuse to take the time to learn them.......they'll just keep coming back to haunt me.
life after life after life.

i just feel like i'm done with any part of my life that has significant bearing on the future.
i've set my course.....and i'm not pleased.
looking back over the decisions i've made......and the life i've led.
this is not where i wanted to end up.
this is not the journey i wanted.

but then....i was feeling like this when i was two years old.
so...i guess nothings changed.

there is more to come in the next 50 or so years right?

*sigh* the last few days have been really rough.
i'll get past it....i know i will.
but it sucks just the same.
sucks a lot.

it's almost like the rest of my life is just me trying to unravel my mistakes.
just get me through it so i can start on the next life.
*frown*