• londontemptress said on Aug 11, 2006....

  We wouldn't do such a thing would we girls...lol??? In the example you gave above, sounds like she was just trying to be helpful - by trying to show she understands you(when she clearly doesn't)...can see how that might be annoying though.

• bandanna said on Aug 11, 2006....

  I think the issue is actually that women like myself - DO actually know what men want. Even when they don't know themselves, or pretend what they do. Thus getting all confused over things. We're are interpreting, because we need to make sense of what you really mean. Guys I've known don't seem to know what they want, so I give them a helping hand. ;)

• mrhowto said on Aug 11, 2006....

  No no no, please stop it! lol...ladies...I think that would be called 'bullying' to some extent. Guys do know what they want, it's jsut women don't seem to want to listen, either that or they don't really care and think "hey, I'll start an argument for boredoms sake...do the ol' 'wind-up-by-interpretation' routine" lol. Please help, this is really quite an important issue damnit! ;)

• Fire_Star_88 said on Aug 11, 2006....

  Man, I would like to help you on this one but we both know we won't make any progress on the topic. It won't stand in court, the women will most likely smash your case. :)

• secretlife said on Aug 11, 2006....

  personally, I like to see them wriggle or wiggle even...

• narbeha1983 said on Aug 11, 2006....

  Haha, great conversation. It's all in love, so you should be thankful. That, or she really wanted indian ;)

• Expendable said on Aug 11, 2006....

  well, there you go, thinking only about yourselves. You suggest Indian and then change your mind, here we're thinking, 'Oh, you remember how I ordered that hot spicy dish on our anniversary and was sick all night long, you're just changing it to the chippy because you think I don't like spicy food." You then insist you just want the chippy but we're not fooled, you're just being sweet trying to keep us from getting sick but we like spicy food and we'd like it right now, served by that waiter again. You didn't see us looking at him, did you? Are you jealous? But no, you keep insisting the chippy's alright and we're thinking, you pinny pincher. Here I want to go out and have a nice bit of curry served to me by some exotic Indian waiter and you're thinking you can bring home your bloody chicken 'n' chips for a third of that from that bird with the big bristols you've been leering at you daft bastard, thinking I don't know. Get me curry.

• JadeLondon said on Aug 11, 2006....

  At the risk of sounding like a harpy, don't you think you are being a little stereotypical in assuming all women are like that? Oh, I am sorry--did I misinterpret that? SoulCast is the first blogging community that I have ever participated in, and I think mostly it is my love of writing that brought me here. I cannot say it was to talk, although it has become something I have enjoyed. I am a face to face person--I hate the phone. I suppose you wish to know what the devil this has to do with your topic. It is this: I like face-to-face contact because I can judge non-verbal feedback. Obviously, being at SoulCast puts me at something of a disadvantage. I cannot see faces to judge sincerity, so I have to take things at--excuse the expression--face value. Okay, and maybe with a grain of salt. What I am saying to you specifically is this: I would like to think that if you and I were talking, that once you told me you wanted a 'chicken burger', then that would be it. I am always watching for silent cues because they are much more telling than words could ever be. Maybe that is interpreting too much, also. But I have to say my intuition is rarely wrong.

• Expendable said on Aug 12, 2006....

  So much for my veiled attempt at irony. You two should sit down and talk.

• mrhowto said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Cheers for all the feedback peeps. expendable - true, well perhaps she did want an indian - but that's what I'm getting at, why not just say from the stars, "I really fancy an indian now?" Instead of beating about the bush. Men cannot and shold not be expected to be able to read womens minds, it's not in our genes. We take things at face value. jade - nope, you didn't misinterpret that and yes I was stereotyping(as I said, we say what we mean. No interpretation required). I'm sure there are a silent minority who aren't like that, but I've had lots of lady friends and they've all been like that, so sorry if I upset anyone - am yet to see a woman who isn't...will retract my statement when that happens. ;)

• mrhowto said on Aug 12, 2006....

  By the way guys, the indian vs curry bit above is just an example, and shouldn't be taken as any more than that. I could apply the principle to thousands of other conversations. It's the underlying principle that I'm trying to get at. The interpretation of something that has no other meaning than what was actually said.

• madstorm said on Aug 12, 2006....

  After two disasterous marriages and a few relationships I was sitting in a bar when a woman came up to me and started talking. Little did I know I'd found my soulmate. We share the same taste in food NOT because of the food but because of the feeling we get just being together. Love is a very hard thing to find. Love is the total acceptance of your partner. Love is the feeling that NOTHING else matters except to see them smile. If you don't have that feeling in your heart... you don't love them at all. Love is to TOTALLY and UTTERLY forget yourself.

• mrhowto said on Aug 12, 2006....

  madstorm - you're a very lucky guy. Hope I can feel that one day.

• Heartwalker said on Aug 12, 2006....

  I think one should not try to understand women, MEn are from mars, Women are from Venus... I don't try to understand women, I accept them as they are, mystic and magical...

• mrhowto said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Hearty - I've tried the 'accept them as they are' route, but end up laughing when they get all ruffeled over silly things - then I get more grief lol. Perhaps time will tell. ;)

• youmylifesong said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Interesting topic. I have been married for 16 years. Pastoring hundreds of people for 16 years. I have 3 girls. But it is still at times hard to understand!!! Books tell us that there is an essential difference between a man and a woman. It has nothing to do with man is from Mars and women from Venus. That is just cliche'. Reality is that there is an essential difference in man's and a woman's make-up. Generally man use the head more (therefore often limited in being able to catch on deceit), while the woman, use her intuition - her heart to feel things, read behind the sentence, sense the spirit, read the body language. The difference between a man and a woman is eighteen inches. Now don't go and have funny ideas. This means the approximate distance between the head and the heart. That is why man and woman often miscommunicate - leading to marital failure. Well this is from the pastoral perspective. Thus I often ask man to listen to the feelings, not merely the words, and the woman, to not prejudge - but take the man more at his words. Ultimately, deeper relationship demands trust and knowing one another well to clear away the noises of the difference. In practice I still find it difficult to understand woman! - sometimes. Hope to get better as we meet more in the middle between rationale and feeling.

• yeahbutnobut said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Ohmidog, Mrhowto, you have no idea how this shit of being second guessed, in both big and small issues, gets on my last nerve.

• barbiedollreject said on Aug 12, 2006....

  WHOO HOO HA HA HA HO HO!!! Do you think men are logical? What is logical about men? Men think if they leave the garbage by the door, it will disappear. They think chipped paint is rustic. They think they can lift up any couch or chair of any size and squeeze it through the most narrow hallway. Then they think having a conversation is sitting down and watching the news. They assume you will cook them their favourite dinner that day without mentioning what they want. You apparently 'just know' by clairvoyance, I guess. And of course, they drive better, even if they cause most accidents. They look at a girl and go, "Oh! She is the one!" and they have known her for five minutes. They never ask for directions, they just look around. They think nothing of asking a woman to have four or five kids and don't stop to think of what it's like to be pregnant. My favourite one is how only they can light up the barbeque. OOOOO! And an insult to them is always funny and charming, because negative attention is better than none.

• yeahbutnobut said on Aug 12, 2006....

  I can see how you got your username!!! :)

• iciabruxelles said on Aug 12, 2006....

  If we were so easily understandable, would you feel like living with your beer buddy? ;p being different is what sparks things... Oh well, just listen to mr.youmylifesong then, coz he explained it already very well...

• yeahbutnobut said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Hun, it ain't that wimmin is easy or hard to unnerstand. They is impossible, aight? If they weren't cute to compensate for being unfathomable, they would be so last century. You feel me? But they are cute and they make really pleasing noises when you stroke 'em just right, and for that us guys put up with them all we can.

• iciabruxelles said on Aug 12, 2006....

  mrhowto, i believerthe person above my current comment, is the anonymus that screwed up with ajinia in the other post

• yeahbutnobut said on Aug 12, 2006....

  Gee. Screwed up how? With ajinia? What's your definition of screw up?

• youmylifesong said on Aug 13, 2006....

  Thanks iciabruxelles for your compliment. Just after church today, I walked with my wife for lunch. Then we heard sounds of clapping and we realised that that was because we were holding hands walking. Well, we come from more conservative setting, and the church on seeing their pastor and wife walking holding hands, brought cheer and they just want the world to know what they want to see in their heart - harmony and love. Sometimes words bring difference, but a loving touch or gesture brings joy and love. Let's not highlight too much of our differences but learn to understand we are different, and as someone said, that makes life an adventure and more interesting. Enjoy our relationships and our difference by seeking to make the other happy and blessed. That is unselfish love.

• sigroid75 said on Aug 15, 2006....

  my boyfriend seems to understand me better now and gives in to my eccentricities when they're cute...i just cant understand why he cant seem to decide on marrying me. i tried several ways...oh well...i guess nothing seemed to work, because im still single until now. sigh...i guess the understanding part is left much to chance and yes...a lot of guessing...

• mrhowto said on Aug 15, 2006....

  siqroid - Don't leave ANY guess work to men. We simply don't do it. If you want him to marry, you he probably doesn't have the faintest clue. You really should probably just spell it out.

• sigroid75 said on Aug 15, 2006....

  i've talked to him, begged him, fought it out with him, discussed it with him, and everything else... i dunno, i suspect indecisiveness...i know he loves me and there are no other women...i know i hurt him when i bug him about the marriage thing...but we're going out 7 years and am getting desperate!

• yeahbutnobut said on Aug 15, 2006....

  how about enjoying what you have and not focus on what you don't have, sig? I know people who took 15 years to marry each other. And if one side of that equation is skittish, knowing that the other side is pining is a bit of pressure. Just enjoy what is rather than have an agenda.

• sigroid75 said on Aug 15, 2006....

  thanks ybnb. thanks so much...it's 1:27am here and am still awake. i just wanna work and work and blog in between. this is good therapy. but thanks so much. sometimes, i just need to hear these things to make me feel better. thanks, because even if my real friends are not around (since its early morning) i know that somewhere somehow there are still people who care. thanks again!:-)

• mrhowto said on Aug 16, 2006....

  Hmmm, ok then, yeah maybe yeahbutnobut is right. If you're really happy with him anyway, maybe you should just stop bugging him about it and enjoy life...What's marriage but a few posh photos and a piece of paper anyway? If you really love him, you need to love him constantly now and unconditionally...then maybe one day he'll just surprise you. Bugging him certainly won't help though. When my missus bugs me for things, it makes me want to do them less, because of the pressure. Shackles of marriage are a scarry thing for men.

• yeahbutnobut said on Aug 16, 2006....

  Hey, Mr.HT, I wrote a blog "Riffing offa Mrhowto's understanding women blog" If you haven't seen it already, kindly check it out. ybnb

• sigroid75 said on Aug 16, 2006....

  thanks, guys...u know, i feel so much better. we went to the mall this evening and he just brought me home. we just enjoyed each other's company, it was good. i should blog more often so that there are people who'll encourage me when my friends here are not around. thanks again!!!:-)

• sigroid75 said on Aug 16, 2006....

  btw, i hope ul read my writings, too.:-)

• Susmaryosep said on Aug 24, 2006....

  If you enjoy each other, don't marry, all those feelings will go the minute he says I do hahahahahah
  

• Elevator said on Aug 24, 2006....

  I agree, i never want to get married. Everything goes downhill into a toilet.
  

• Susmaryosep said on Aug 24, 2006....

  Not the first 7 years... then the men get the "7 year itch". They go out looking for other 'toilets' hahahahh a
  

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