I cant believe it,at last the courage as at last come to my defence,As iv said i have started going to start a 2yr progromme witha psycotherapist,&my new gp,,
anyway iv not spoken or seen my so called mother since i came out of hospital, i finnally decieded that enough was enough when she failed to show,
anyway my grandad came down and she txt me and asked if she could bring him round? so what was i to do? act like a child and say no or rise above it put my feelings aside and let her bring him round ? so thats what i did,, well they both turned up i concentrated on my grandad, speaking to him,,my mother a one word answer if she spoke to me,all the time she was at my house she sat with her arms folded, which made me laugh,sulking child,
all of a sudden she said oh your bro came down i quickley replied i know my sister told me, you dnt have to lie and make excuses she looked very shocked that i responed so quick,the time time they were ther went really slow, i kept making excuses not to talk to her pretending i didnt hear her, ,, when it was time for them to go my grandad said oh come over and see me,, mother very quickly said iv asked her but she always said no he turned and said well thats up2 her eh,, i knew what he meant,as they were walking out the door i said if you me just ring i will be over, my mother said oh i hope some1 will look after me when im old she looked at me,, well normally i say iwill mother, i turned and said oh well you have other children you never know what they have planned for you and smiled,, god that felt sooooo good she just looked as if she now knew id had enough i hugged my grandad as he got in the car she came over and i walked in the house,, it sounds horrible but i felt sooo proud to think i rehurst that in my mind so many times but when it comes to it iv always backed out,,
soon after i got a txt from her saying thx you for the visit which she has never done, i replied,, at the end of the day it was for grandad, now we can go on living apart as iv nothing to say to you,, i dnt want anything from you so until there is another crisis or grandad wants to come round i will keep away and i hope you will do the same also not run to my daughter,you have taken 41yrs from me, and now i deserve to smile and move on with my life,,,
oh my god what had i put but i needed to say it as all the time she was in my house i looked at her and i thought i hated her, no i pity her, i really didnt understand what my best friend meant "pusscat" when she said when she is old she will be on her own bitter and alone and she is right as my siser or bro will get on with their life and wont want to bother with her,
so yes i finnally found the courage the senario iv put through my mind all my life iv done it i want to cry,,,,,,,
