Perhaps I do not give enough consideration to other people's needs - it has never really struck me as an ongoing problem, but like everyone else, I have the occaisonal selfsih urges.
I am expected to attend a family event later today. The event will last approximately half an hour. The travel time is about 2 hours each way. In the last six days, I have driven over 500 miles and worked about 50 hours. In the next four days, I will work about 50 hrs, and I have a May 21st deadline on a major presentation, international conference. This being said, when I attempted to politely decline the invitation, all hell broke loose. My family complained that I am wrapped up in myself - I was told that my absence would really be hurtful.
I am reminded of something strange one of my friends said earlier in the week. I remarked on how I need to get better at saying no, and he said that he thought I just needed to stop smiling so much. Apparently, I make my life and my work look "easy," which encourages others to impose more stress. My work isn't easy, by any stretch, but I love it - and that makes me smile. I smile an awful lot because working in health care reminds me that every breath I take, every morning I wake up without some form of physical injury or disability, is a precious gift. My life has taken some twisty turns, but I am definitely beginning to re-emerge, and that makes me smile a lot as well.
So, instead of being "selfish" and staying home today - I will be schlepping 2 hours each way to attend a 30 minute ceremony marking someone's first wedding anniversary. I am battling feelings of allowing myself to be used as a doormat, trying to balance this with criticisms that I am being selfish in not placing other people's wants and needs above my own.
There is no way in hell I am going to accomplish everything on my list before Friday, even if I try my best, even if I don't go this afternoon. I am going to have to prioritize, no matter what.
And there's some truth to consider in whether or not I have gotten caught up in my own solitary perspective ... although I would fire the same accusation at the person who would not consider my difficulties in attending what I do not see as a very significant event. It's their first wedding anniversary. Couldn't I just send a card? Stay married for ten or fifteen and then have a ceremony. There's my own bitterness talking. Did anyone consider that this might be a very hard thing for me emotionally? There's my selfishness talking. Either way, I am too upset to accomplish much work on my project - so two hour drive it is!
