- Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
- You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
- When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
- Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
- How can you hear yourself think?
- What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Do sore thumbs really stick out?
- If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
- If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
- If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
- How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
- If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
- What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
- Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
secretlife posted on May 17, 2008
| views: 359
Comments
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killingme4u said on May 17, 2008....
::))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) did you come up with these?if not i still wish i was smart as you.sorry secret,your just too fucking brilliant.another reason i love ya so much. :)) -
Trinov said on May 17, 2008....
Hi, found this very funny. re the French I read somewhere that they do say similar things re the English. re Tarzan, maybe the chimp shaved him everyday? -
Me-Myself&I said on May 17, 2008....
*smile* ....too deep for me! -
wishyouwerehere said on May 17, 2008....
Very funny! But I am glad envelopes don't taste like chocolate - could be very dangerous - imagine the increased risk of paper cuts. -
Silme_Mesmes said on May 17, 2008....
The question about Tarzan reminds me the people from the serie "Lost":) -
standwithme said on May 17, 2008....
"If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do? "You fucked up GOOD? -
secretlife said on May 17, 2008....
kill: nah, i was on bored.com last night and they had about 300 of these....i picked the ones that made me laugh and posted them here.trinov: i had to laugh at the tarzan one because i've never once questioned why tarzan is always depicted as clean-shaven. show's how deep a thinker i am!mmi: i know exactly what you mean!wish: har har...and a paper cut on the tongue sounds really painful, doesn't it?silme: i've never gotten into Lost....i just can't figure it out!stand: or maybe succeeded in failing, whatever the hell that means! -
Sunshine_Mariah said on May 17, 2008....
If one sychronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all do? -
RollingC said on May 17, 2008....
Thank you Secret....I love this post.
I really don't know how Tarzan kept a clean shave all the time. Maybe he used a jungle veggie version of Nair cream?
Maybe one of the reasons why I'm always forgetting things is because I can't hear myself think.... (LOL)
That bit about a man in a forest talking without a woman to hear him and declare him wrong is precisely why he's alone in the forest talking. (LOL)
If you try to fail in something and succeed....is that related to a double negative?(Hmmm)
If you had X-ray vision you could see with your eyes closed....unless you used lead based eyeshadow...
Good post ..... LOL
Rc
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soaringraven said on May 17, 2008....
I've played duck duck goose, but I dont remember ever being goosed when I failed to duck. I suppose goosing your classmates in kindergarten woud be frowned upon, especially these days with sexual harasment charges being brought agianst toddlers in preschool.
Been called chicken a time or two, but never considered it a insult. If I refuse to participate in some hairbrained scheme I would rather be called chicken than roadkill.
I have often wondered about those signs myself, never had the nerve to test my theories though. I may sometime, I'm approaching that age where they might simply think I''m suffering from alzheimers or something.
Now my brain hurts so I have to quit thinking for a spell.
soaring
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hotaka said on May 18, 2008....
1. I don't know but if the yell "goose" you have to get up and run.
2. Try going in wearing a European style bikini swimsuit as the only lower half garment and see what happens.
3. They do but they say it in French.
4. Never. And all furniture stores are forever closing their doors forever.
5. Touching paint is easier than counting a million stars.
6. The wheel turned by the hamster inside your head needs oiling.
7. Showing off body parts. Either that or sponge toffee, which is called hokey pokey Down Under.
8. He shaves to make himself visually distinguishable to horny male gorillas who in the past mistook him for a smaller female. That's also why he can't walk standing straight.
9. Only when they are heavily wrapped in gauze.
10. Only if it were male. A female would be a cowshit or cowpat in polite company.
11. The pressure of the Earth's crust keeps Hell hot like a lid on a cooking pot.
12. Sadly, it probably does. Moralists always get called morons from those whose wicked ways are pointed out by moralists as wicked.
13. Maybe no, But possibly he's a little lonely.
14. You pulled a fast one on Fate. Or Fate pulled a fast one on you. It depends who's refereeing.
15. GPS
16. Of course, but not if you wore lead sunglasses.
17. Dog food. Next silly question.
18. For showing off body parts. They do the hokey pokey at parties too.
19. The first time you get scared you are down to 50% life. The second you only get scared half of the remaining 50% so when compared to your starting total you are only down to 25%. It's a bit like dating radioactive half-lives.
20. Probably not. By the time you were done licking you would be sealing the envelope with only your own saliva.
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Fire-flower said on May 18, 2008....
Well I know a vegan who insisted on feeding her cat rice and tinned fruit. He was quite the little mouser...... -
satyr said on May 18, 2008....
LOL - thanks SL, I needed that!! Another one to relay to the wife, LOL. -
leogoddess59 said on May 18, 2008....
this is clever!
Thanks for your comment. I am still learning my way around here, not sure how everything works...are you signed up with google adsense as well?
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secretlife said on May 18, 2008....
sunshine: LOL......you got right into the spirit of this post!Rc: you're pretty funny, you and hotaka had me laughing today! i loved that one about the guy in the forest...i mean everyone knows he's still wrong, right? LOLsoaring: another DEEP THINKER! you know, i used to goose my kids all the time (i'm a habitual gooser, so much so that my kids had to protect their butts!!!)...and i'd worry about them doing that at school.......sheesh, can you imagine the 5 yr old in the principal's office for goosing? they'd probably have to go to counseling for that....hotaka: you crack me up with your wit! GPS...LOLfire: i can't believe the cat was a vegetarian too! i wonder how many there are like that out in the world???hey satyr honey....i know you loved that one about the man in the forest!!! hope your wife gets a chuckle!leog: hi and welcome to my blog! i see you're making your way around soulcast pretty good!i did sign up for google adsense when i joined soulcast. and i did come close after 8 months to the $100 payoff. then google canceled me. lol.....i don't believe anyone here has made a dime from google. -
queenparanoia said on May 18, 2008....
lol very funny...and how come condoms have flavors????? -
hotaka said on May 18, 2008....
queenP, that's up to you to find out for yourself. -
queenparanoia said on May 19, 2008....
hotaka: lol... =) -
Heartcry said on May 19, 2008....
Hi, thanks for replying to my first post ever on Soulcast. Great words of wisdom you gave me, thanks:-) Oh, and btw, last night we actually did it...all that pent up frustration....I believe I channeled it the right way. lol I'm about to write about it as a new blog:-)I have a good deep thought for you...You know the indestructable black box? Why don't they make the whole plane outta that stuff? -
Silme_Mesmes said on May 19, 2008....
Heartcry: I asked it once my mum's boyfriend, and he said, the stuff of the black box is too heavy (or whatever, I don't remember very well). They can't make the plane by this. -
Heartcry said on May 19, 2008....
Yeah, i feel pretty stupid now, thanks silme:-)j/k:-) -
Silme_Mesmes said on May 19, 2008....
But this is a good question, this is why I asked it once:) -
Heartcry said on May 19, 2008....
secretlife...thank you. Yep, marriage is crazy thing, makes me go insane sometimes. lol -
soaringraven said on May 19, 2008....
I don't know (having spent no time among french speakers) whether they do this or not, but I learned long ago never to apologise for my choice of language. Say what's one your mind without shame!
The truth is that mattresses are never 'on' sale. The srp (suggested retail price) of most manufactured items is set high so that retailers can claim they are 'slashing prices'
It is far easier to believe the profound than it is the obvious.
Some of my thoughts I wouldn't want to actually hear, but thanks for asking.
In some circles I would suppose that the hokey pokey is the only thing going on.
Tarzan recieves the protypes for all new razors offered gillette. This has been giong on for some time therefore he has a complete collection of razors offered by that company over the last sixty years.
Depends on just how you hold your thumb with respect to the hand on which it is found. One can certainly minimise the visual effect, but gets significantly less simpathy by so doing.
Who in the hell would intentionally cross a bulldog with a shitsu? I would just call it ugly.
Haven't you ever heard the expression "It's colder than hell!" It a myth that hell is hot, why would god provide heat to the sinner?
You may get into some difficulty with the 'Moral Majority' with that suggestion. Its a matter of perspective. If one believes that morality is the domain of lesser beings then I would suppose they might think as you suggested.
When there is no one around with whom to argue, the presenter of fact is always presumed to be correct. (This may be the only time a married man can fulfil his need to be right, Haven't you ever wondered why men love hunting so?)
I liked the GPS suggestion, however it is false. His GPS reciever was implanted in his left temporal lobe, therefore lost to him when he lost his head. Fact is he had rehearsed his nightly ride long before his untimely demise, just in case.
I have to believe that as with any other thing a person does, one could choose not to see. It happens often enough without X-ray vision. I don't see why it would be any different with it.
I don't know. but eventually it just might be his/her own fingers and or toes should the natural carnivore become desperate enough for animal protien.
Because their mothers thought it was sexy!
Mathmatically the answer is rather obvious, wouldn't you think? Half of 100 is 50, half of 50 is 25, half of 25 is 12.25, half of 12.25 is 6.125 ect. As you can easily see, at this rate is is quite difficult to be actually scared to death. Quality of life might suffer somewhat however.
Not everyone likes chocolate. Everyone, however simply craves the flavor envelope glue! Explain otherwise the number of envelopes that require tape as a result of all the glue being licked off.
soaring
I do hope that these answers resolve some of the critical issues you your life and you can can persue more relevant things.
Like: Just whats on the other side of the road that the chicken wants so deperately to get to?
Or: If Jack and Jill both tumbled down the hill, why in the hell didn't they bring the water with them?
Or: Just why, if he was such a good boy, was young Jack Horner sticking his thumb in the dessert?
These and other questions have long plagued me and no one has to my satisfaction answered them.
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hotaka said on May 19, 2008....
soaringraven, I think the deep thinker prize goes to you. Though it seems we were both on the button for the scared half to death twice scenario. As for the Headless guy, I also considered that he may have been a dwarf inside a cloak with a prop for the collar. While terrorized villages looked at the empty space above the collar, the dwarf was peering out between the coat folds and grinning maliciously. -
secretlife said on May 19, 2008....
you guys have FAR TOO MUCH TIME to think!!!!!!and of course now I'm gonna be thinking about Jack and Jill for the rest of the night!!!!! -
soaringraven said on May 19, 2008....
Oh shit! I failed to answer number 14. How I could have missed such an important question is beyond me. I guess I succeeded at failing. How about that? I guess that makes me a successful failure!
soaring
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