To be honest I never have really discussed my father for various reasons. He is a subject that is very raw for me. My father and I are like turbulence and I don't know where that began. I know as a kid I loved him tremendously but as I got older I began to see things,behaviors that I couldn't nor wouldn't deny anymore. The older I got the more I came into the understanding of certain things, certain concepts. My father was always a good provider but he had a drinking problem to boot and was a womanizer.

My mother always bared with it. I think my father had issues due to burns on his chest,private area,and legs acquired when he was a child. The story goes that he was about 6 or 7 and he picked up a pair of matches that my grandfather had left out and went into a hall closet and the rest is obvious. He didn't incounter a NORMAL childhood as he had to spend alot of time in and out of hospitals and he was very self concious about the burns. They thought he was going to die initially after the incident occurred. My grandfather never picked up another cigarette after this incident nor a tabacco pipe. And it explains why he angrily tried to warn me against the perils of smoking when I was a teen.

Well anyway my dad was also never a very emotional man. I love to kiss and hug I'm very touchy feely and my dad just never was that way with us children but he always was that way with my mother. They also fought alot about his drinking and womanizing. I don't think my father ever planned to change his ways until after 20 some odd years my mother finally had enough and walked out on him. And when she didn't cave and come back in a couple of weeks or months I saw my father hit his version of rock bottom. It pained me to see this man so broken. My father then disappeared for awhile and when he came back I guess my mother and he worked out their differences and he did something he should of done a long time ago.....he grew up.

I think that he changed and I hope that he has. The alcohol from what I see is not an issue anymore. He seems to be in the church now and he is more responsible and emotional when it comes to my 15yrold brother and I even see it with my brother's daughter and my children his grandchildren. After 30 something years something finally stuck! My husband put a dent in my car and my dad asked me why didn't I tell him why did I only tell my mother? I explained that I never did find talking to him the easiest of tasks and this pained me to say that.

Some say time heals all wounds. I don't know if this is always true in every case but time can definately be a plus when you need to start over.