Okay, it's a stupid title but it just hit me so I typed it.
I've
gotten several PMs over the past few weeks asking if I was okay and
checking on me. I really appreciate it. If you sent me a PM, then you
made me smile that day. Honestly.
Yes, I left SC. I came back
briefly to take part in the blogathon. That was a great idea by the
way. Sorry my 10 posts were less than gripping. I know the people who
did do 10 posts a day put much into them.
Is this my return?
I don't know. I've been answering some PMs and a comment here and
there but I really haven't had the time to read or be here much.
Why
did I leave? It was simply too much. I could list specifics but it
doesn't matter. The truth is I just couldn't do it. I don't know if
I'm incapable of handling a lot at once or if it's the single-mom
thing. All I know is when it becomes stressful, time to turn loose (Hi
Ed - inside joke) of some things. I think of it as self preservation.
I love you guys and I've missed you. I hope you all understand
my need to go away. I hope you love me just the same if I return for
good.
So, what have I been up to?
Going crazy basically.
The
Oldest is doing fine with his heart. I'm thrilled over that. I have
made it to the point I am not constantly checking his pulse. I spoke
to a doctor I trust about what happened and the cardiologist's plan and
he agreed. I know it's odd but when a doctor you know and trust says
it's okay, it makes a bigger difference than when 10 experts you don't
know say it's okay.
Scooter Bug is playing baseball again and
I'm doing the Team Mom thing. The ex is the coach so kinda fun
watching the other parents try to figure out the dynamics. Scooter is
playing third base. I'm so proud of him. He is all about sports. We
have spent the entire season trying to tame his competitive nature
without squashing it. Man that's a tough line to find. He isn't hard on anyone but himself. Scooter is completely supportive and
encouraging when a teammate drops the ball or strikes out but when he
does it himself, it's a meltdown. Baby steps.
For those of
you who are interested, I am doing my part to not make the oil giants
any richer. I sold my gi-normous truck and bought a smaller vehicle.
My truck was paid for and I had to eat my words of "I'll drive it till
the wheels fall off" when gas started eating away at my purse to the
tune of $100 a week.
Preschool graduation is Sunday. All my
kids graduate. I'm a little stressed over it - beyond the part of them
growing up. The church has asked us to hold the ceremony during the
worship service and I'm on pins and needles. I'm pretty laid back most
of the time but my co-worker and the pastor are not. I like to have
everything planned, practiced and ready to a tee but I'm sorry, when it
comes to kids....well, they're kids. Sigh.
Tomorrow (Thursday)
is one year since Dad passed away. We aren't making a big deal out of
it. Mom is flying with my aunt tomorrow to visit my cousin. I don't
think mom can deal with it so she's leaving. Tomorrow is also my
youngest brother's birthday. We celebrated tonight. No one actually
said it but it's there - we didn't want to tie it again to Dad's
death. I'm doing better than I thought - for tonight at least. I
kinda see tomorrow as any other day I miss Dad. It's just another day
without him. Why is tomorrow any different? Take the most influential
human out of your life and live every day without them there.....it's
just this huge void I live around. We all live around it, pretending
it isn't there and life is fine. We hold it together, secretly
thinking "If he were just here....". If you all could have just known
him. It was his way of making the people around him feel loved and
cared for. He really was amazing.
Back to happier things......
I
have finally unpacked the last of the boxes and reclaimed my dining
room! Yeah! I'm still enjoying the house and the neighborhood.
Everyone is friendly. The neighbors next door sit in their front yard
entertaining various other neighbors. I've been a little jealous of
that. I want to be included in the neighborhood. It isn't that I
think I'm being singled out but more of a timing problem. I'm rarely
home for more than a few minutes at a time running from here to there
and back again. I got home this afternoon with Scooter to do homework
and get his bags packed to go to his dad's and as I was walking out the
door to take him, the man next door yelled "Hey, come back and join us
for a beer!". I was so excited as I yelled "Sure, be back in a few
minutes!". Sadly, they had gone inside and turned the porch light off
by the time I returned. I'm looking forward to making friends here.
My
oldest brother gave me a book to read - Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I
usually don't read that kind of thing because I have nightmares anyway
and don't like to add fodder to the fire. My brother said it was about
a girl who fell in love with a vampire. I can deal with that -
vampires aren't real. ;-) I'm on page 99 and I'm hooked. My brother
is a pretty good judge of things like this and well, we share the same
sense of humor so I started reading it. Now I can't put it down.
I have some other things to tell but I'll wait for another day.........
Hugs to each and every one of you.....except the perves. ;-)
Fearing
fearing posted on May 14, 2008
| views: 227
Comments
-
evil_twin said on May 14, 2008....
I hope you'll decide to come back again. But I totally understand that sometimes you just need a break. But I'm glad that most things are going well for you in your life. And I'm sorry about your dad. I know it's really hard to live without him, especially when everything reminds you of him :-(
Maybe you'll get to have beer with the neighbors next time? It sounds like a great place to live!
Welcome back (maybe?)
-Kyle
-
fearing said on May 14, 2008....
E_T! Missed you ALB! ;-)
Things seemed to pile up all at the same time, you know? It'll all be okay in the end.
Yes, maybe.
-
Twylarants said on May 14, 2008....
I've missed you too, Fearless, but I see why you needed to scale back...you're a very busy mom.
I'm so glad your oldest is doing well, that had to have been horrible for you.
Your new neighbors will love you as much as your Soulcast neighbors do, I'm sure.
~Twyla
-
MissMimi said on May 14, 2008....
{{{{{{{{{{fearsome}}}}}}}}}}}
I'm glad you're okay. :)
-
the_infernal_optimist said on May 14, 2008....
((hugs))
I'm glad to see you here whenever you choose to be here, fearing. :)
~Infernal
-
crybabylu said on May 15, 2008....
It is good hearing from you, and thank you for the update! -
Actorguy said on May 15, 2008....
Thanks for the update fearing. You've been missed around here. Come back when you can. We still loves ya! -
GrapeKoolaid said on May 15, 2008....
Mess up Scooter Bug's hair for me please... :)
-
skald said on May 15, 2008....
Fearing. Thank you so much for your PM. I was going to ask you about your elder son in my PM. Well I see what you have written here and I am glad he is doing alright with his heart.
This is like a letter to us and thank you for updating us. I do understand that SoulCast can be too much at times. It is some work trying to read ones users. But could you not send us a note about you now and then. Love J
-
Alyss said on May 15, 2008....
I'm glad to see you fearing and that things are going well. -
truthsayer said on May 15, 2008....
FFFeeearrrinnng!!!If we are voting, I feel that I must inform you that I am what is known as a Super Delegate on SC. So, no matter how other's vote...I can trump their votes. But I will only do that, of course, if anyone votes that you should not post. I don't see that as a possibility, but folks, consider yourself warned!
YOU MUST POST, POST, POST!!!
You know I love you!!!
I send you all sorts of love, hugs, flowers, crackling fires in the FP, sweet tea on the front porch, long talks, good books, chocolate chip cookies (substitute your favorite munchies and desserts ; ) and life long friendship. I know that can never replace your Dad...I wish I had known him...but, I feel that I can experience his love and wisdom through you my friend.
I am so blessed by your friendship, and I would never have met you if it hadn't been for our blogging on Soul Cast. I will never ever forget you...and I must never lose touch with you. You have touched my heart forever...just like your father...you are a heart warmer. Thank you for being my friend.
Love you forever my dear. Wish I could spend this day, Thursday, May 15, 2008...on your porch, just talking and sharing.
Your friend,
Truthsayer
-
pickersplock said on May 15, 2008....
Oh, go ahead and post!We miss you! -
Lucytorial said on May 15, 2008....
So really you aren't doing much at all are ya! lol
So busy, I can understand about the time issues with this place. Hey I hope you get some time to sit and get to know your neighbors.. they at least sound like good people, friendly.
Post the rest please.....
-
silverwhisper said on May 16, 2008....
fearing, i've missed you and been worried how you were doing. however, real life has to take precedence, and we all know that. i'm just glad you poked your head in to let us know what's going on. :>
be well, fearing, whether it's the next minute, month or year that we see you. :>
[hug]
btw: good job on the new car & unpacking! :>
ed -
quietone said on May 16, 2008....
I am glad to hear you are settling into your new neighborhood well. It sounds like you have some very friendly neighbors.. that is always a plus. You take care and enjoy your little ones.. and when you have the time... we will still be here. {{hugs}} -
queenparanoia said on May 17, 2008....
hello fearing! i'm glad your son is okay... =) -
hotaka said on May 22, 2008....
Hey, fearing. No worries about taking a haitus from SC. Some of us do that from time to time. I have disappeared for weeks at a time. The thing is, everyone here who thinks of you as a friend will welcome you back anytime. Ten posts a day? It's not a quota you have to fill. Write when you want and when you have time. I have lots I want to write about but there's not enough time some weeks. There will always be people ready to read what you have to write. I'll try to stop in too when I can. Too bad you deleted all your older posts. -
fearing said on May 24, 2008....
And I'm back.....again.......
Twirlypants, Hi hon! I've missed your antics. I got to spend some time with my neighbors last weekend at the neighborhood pool party. They were all very welcoming and friendly.
MissM, I hope you are okay too. Thanks for checking on me.
Infernal - Hi! Hope you are well! How's it going?
Crybaby, You checked on me too! ;-) Thanks! I got to see the pics you posted recently of you and your girls. Beautiful!
Actorguy - Always nice to see you. Sorry I missed wishing you and the Mrs. a happy anniversary!
Grape - I did and when he yelled "Moooooommm!", I said "Grape told me to do it.". ;-)
Skald, I haven't commented much, if rarely, but I did get a chance to see several of your posts. As always, they were great! hugs and I miss you!
Alyss, Good to see you too!
Truth, I was so glad to see you return. My view of the door to SC has changed. It doesn't swing open or closed but rather, it revolves. ;-) Hey, and thanks for the encouragement - I needed it. hugs! I won't forget you either!
Oh Pickers, I've missed you too! You make me laugh.
Lucy, Yup, you got it - I'm bored to tears. lol! The neighbors have turned out to be very nice.
Ed, Always my encourager. I'm loving the un-packed view of my house. ;-) I'm also loving the car. It's cute.
Hi Quiet, Good to see you. I hope all is well with you.
QueenP, Hi! I commented to you on Ed's post about misconceptions. I hope you get a chance to read it - and heed it. ;-)
Hotaka, How's married life treating ya? So good to see you. And not to worry, I didn't delete - just drafted. I may un-draft them at some point. Hugs!
-
queenparanoia said on May 25, 2008....
fearing: ctually i read it... thanks for your words fearing!!! =) -
queenparanoia said on May 25, 2008....
fearing: actually i read it... thanks for your words fearing!!! =)
Comment on "To post or not to post......"
Related Posts:
polarheart
posted 6 days ago
| views: 154
|
Hi Guys, this is just a short post to show you how blessed I am to have both my mommies with me. . .Skald and Quietone. I feel very blessed!... read entire post
soaringraven
posted 2 days ago
| views: 230
|
Hi, I'm soaringraven's oldest grandson, the one he calls Nathaniel on here. This morning at about ten I came over to spend the day and try to get the lawn cut for tomorrow. When I came into the house I found Gramps on the floor in his reading room.... read entire post
evil_twin
posted 1 day ago
| views: 126
|
I don't know if this blog was worth waiting for, but it's been awhile since I've written anything. I needed to rectify that!... read entire post