Throughout our lives, we build our shadow box
placing ourselves on display for all to see.
With words and actions, our images are framed
in the minds of all those we touch.
When we think of a loved one, images appear,
like a play, a movie, or a portrait.
Little do we know, we are writing a visual book
for everyone, to be played out in minds and hearts later.
The book is not of paper, but like a shadow box
and for the last few days I have delved deeply,
opening the case and peering into the depths of that long
running movie my mother has left for me.
Over the landscape of her life, I see independence.
In an age when divorce was looked down upon
she escaped a bad marriage and took her young son to
another state to start a new life.
She rose to become a manager of a large chain store at the
age of twenty-four, in a time when women did not become managers,
and she was one of the best. I remember running to her down
the gravel driveway after a business trip.
Over the landscape of her life I see devotion to family, to that
young son she fled with which was me, her first born.
Devotion to her second son who died early and took a part of her with him.
Devotion to her three grand children whom she cherished and doted
over constantly. Devotion to her parents whom she cared for in old age
and honored always.
I see the finest Bridge player in town, a game she stayed true to
even to the last days.
I see the president of a woman's club and a
woman always there to help others, for anything, at any time.
I see a woman who suffered decades in a second bad marriage, but
would not get a second divorce because of her two sons.
I see a humble woman asking forgiveness from a lost sister, as she sat
several times with me over the years telling of her guilt.
The guilt born from her teenage years of being walked to the door after
a date and hoping her sister would not moan too loud to be heard,
moans from a sister ill and in pain all her twenty-one year life.
If she could have changed one thing, this would have been it.
I came out of the shadow box and closed the glass door
and there on display I see her smiling in my favorite picture,
one of her after high school graduation,
such a beautiful girl so full of life.
Another picture in my mind on display is of me, age five,
holding her hand, feeling so wanted and secure
and it reminds me of the last time I held her hand
and her pleas of 'help me', not knowing what the plea was for.
It was her independence that finally took her.
She saw the end coming and refused help from all others.
She could not live as a burden,
or not being able to live as she wished.
She has made me wonder about my shadow box.
When my wife, my daughter, my sons
open my glass door and look in, what will they see?
When they close the door, what images will be on display?
I will live comfortably and with love forever
when I open my mother's shadow box.
I hope my family will feel the same.
Its all we really leave, you know.
A mother has left us, resting at last - May 7th, 2008
beyondtheveil posted on May 14, 2008
| views: 329
Comments
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wombat said on May 14, 2008....
I read this twice, came back again....I am so sorry for your loss, beyondtheveil. I always feel like I am doing something wrong being the first to comment, especially on posts like this, but I couldn't help but say that was the most touching tribute I have ever read. Again, my condolences to you for the loss of such a wonderful mother.wombat -
the_infernal_optimist said on May 14, 2008....
Oh, beyond...((((massive hugs))))
That was beautiful...but my heart aches for you. My condolences to you and your family in your time of grief.
~Infernal
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skald said on May 14, 2008....
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I read this and I read how much you loved her. I see a capable woman who really did her share in life. Had sorrows and I am sure delights.
M y condolences to you and your family. This was really a beautiful tribute to your mother.
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secretlife said on May 14, 2008....
oh beyond.what a beautiful piece of writing. just beautiful-i'm so so sorry for your loss.i hold you and your mom in my prayers. -
quietone said on May 14, 2008....
That was truly beautiful beyond.. what a wonderful tribute to your mom. My condolances dear beyond. It is good to know that you have let her go with love and peace in your heart ~ just the way she would have wanted it. {{{hugs}}} -
mobil said on May 14, 2008....
What a wonderful woman your Mom was, there is no way in hell a son could write such a beautiful tribute to his Mom if she was not something very special.You and I were just talking about our Mothers a few weeks back Beyond and Botoni also I think. Life flies bye, getting to know you has I have in the past year. I am sure your Mom was proud of her oldest son. All my best to you and your family Beyond and God Bless. -
MissMimi said on May 14, 2008....
Beyond, I am so very sorry for your loss. The beauty of this tribute tells me that your mother was dearly loved. She will always be in your heart. My deepest condolences. -
Twylarants said on May 14, 2008....
You have my deepest sympathies, Beyond. You mother sounds like a lovely woman and a wonderful mother. It's a beautiful tribute to her. -
crybabylu said on May 15, 2008....
You have my sympathy for your loss. -
CayenneMan said on May 15, 2008....
Well written my freind, I'm verry sorry for your loss.She is at peace and in a better place now. My family and I will keep you in our prayers.That was really heart felt. -
scipio said on May 15, 2008....
My condolences. May her soul rest in eternal peace. -
silverwhisper said on May 15, 2008....
my deepest condolences, beyond.
your sorrow is put to words elegantly, as ever.
ed -
diabolicdame said on May 15, 2008....
That is beautifully put and I'm so sorry for you loss! -
truthsayer said on May 15, 2008....
My dearest beyond...I want to call you "little one", but I do not know why. You were so deeply loved by your mother, that it will carry you as far as you let it. I am so moved by this. My tears for you are genuine, as is my compassion and empathy. You have touched my heart again my friend. What a beautiful tribute and what a beautiful time for our lives to touch again. I wish everyone's shadow box was as lovely as this one. I know yours will be.
Yours truly,
Truthsayer
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kruuyai said on May 15, 2008....
Beyond... I'm sorry for your loss, and I completely agree with what mobil said. I feel a deep gratitude to your mother for bringing you to the world and shaping you into the person that you are. Your gentle and loving soul is a testimony to her love. This is the song that went through my mind while I read your tribute. {{{{beyond}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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gingersoul said on May 15, 2008....
BeyBey.......you called me and i am here....I really shouldn't ...i am at work....but ...i cant let too many time pass by before hugging you tight...You had sweet and comforting words for me when my sister died last yer...i will never forget your gentleness and thoughtfullness...I hope you know i am close to you.Write me anytime..... {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} -
beyondtheveil said on May 16, 2008....
I thank you from the center of my heart for these caring comments.
It is difficult in so many ways, other than grief, when something like this happens. There were the weeks before, watching her slip away and having to make so many very difficult decisions.
After the funeral, there is the work of settling everything.
That of allowing, and wanting, family members to go through items and taking those things that touch their heart.
That of taking care of legalities which is before me.
That of preparing the home which I grew up in, which she lived in and loved, then selling it to a stranger. And all of this will take about three months.
It happens to almost all of us in time. It feels like burying the past and life of a loved one, only to get on with a life which will be far less richer.
I hope this is far distant for you, or perhaps it has already happened, I know it has come about for some.
I'll be away, traveling back and forth between two towns for a while, but none of you will be far from my thoughts. This site is like another home, a community I will miss as anyone misses friends.
It will be my first good day to come back into your lives.
Thank you again - beyond
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queenparanoia said on May 17, 2008....
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
i'm sorry for your loss...
now i know why you haven't been soulcasting... take your time beyond...
you and your family are in my prayers tonight...
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moonriver said on May 22, 2008....
Beyond, my friend, I've just come across this blog. I share your grief at the loss of your beloved mother. You paint an image, not of a transient shadow moving through the ether of time, but of a gentle fighter who tried to be always there when her loved ones needed her.
I am presently coping with my own grief, not of a loved one, but of an old friend who recently passed away.
Death has no dominion.
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