moonriver posted on May 09, 2008
| views: 811
I'll give all of you people 3 guesses each what I will blog about under this title. When I get around to it, that is. Maybe Monday? Or Friday? Definitely Wednesday. Maybe Wednesday. Definitely maybe. I didn't say what month. Lol.
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Now I lay me down to bleed.
As a young child, I often felt faint at the sight of blood. It wasn't how much blood there really was. The very sight of bright red globs trickling down even from a small wound would trigger nausea, cold sweat, and dizziness in me.
What was worse, I was the only one among us four siblings who had a nosebleed problem, which was typically triggered by combined heat and exhaustion. The pattern was predictable: the family would be in some outdoor activity, I'd be exposed to the heat of the sun while walking or running, and soon, my nose would start bleeding. The sight and smell of blood on my face would worsen my nausea.
Once the grown-ups noticed that I was bleeding or about to faint because I saw blood, they would tell me to lie down. It was the instant solution. Soon enough, the nauseous feeling would go away, and my nosebleed would stop and clot.
This double-edged blood problem I had as a young child didn't prevent me from being as active as my sister and brothers.
When I joined the Boy Scouts in 5th grade, I was determined to overcome my fear of blood. I learned how to avoid nosebleeds. I practiced first aid. I watched the big boys donate blood to the Red Cross. Not to mention forcing myself to get used to butchering live chicken with a knife in my hands.
To cut a long story short, by the time I was in high school, I had solved both my blood phobia and my nosebleed. More than that, a lesson in biology class became a lifetime imprint in me: the healing functions of blood. My favorite biology teacher explained it all so clearly. Since then, I looked at blood not as some horrific portent of death, but as a dynamic, living, healing, fluid tissue.
I don't want to bore you about platelets, coagulation cascades and fibrin strands that I learned in high school. It's a complex physiological and biochemical process. If you want the medical nitty-gritty, click here.
But, like I said, that lesson in high school biology remained with me throughout the years, until this day. It turned into a rule of thumb: If the wound isn't life-threatening or part of a major surgical procedure, allow the blood to flow out freely. Make the patient lie down to lessen the flow, apply a tourniquet as needed, but don't artificially stop the bleeding. Let the blood flow slowly until it clots over and around the injury.
Blood is designed to clot. Bleeding that leads to natural clotting is everything. It cleans the wound, it plugs the ruptured vessels, and it forms a protein matrix that in time initiates the natural regrowth of tissue.
Throughout the years, I applied that rule to myself as much as possible.
The latest incident was during a recent mountain trek with a large convoy of vehicles.
On the way back from the trek, our truck had suffered a flat. I helped the driver change tires. Since we were in a rush and it was getting dark, I got too careless and put down a big and heavy steel brace on a precarious perch on the truck fender. The brace slid off and fell right smack on my bare right foot. The sharp steel edge easily cut through the skin and underlying tissue, and would have smashed through bone like an axehead if I had not shifted my foot instinctively.
My foot injury started to bleed profusely. I noticed the jagged edges smeared with grease and dust. My companions were starting to panic at the sight of blood. The medics offered to clean the wound with cotton, antiseptic and bandage. But to me, it was simply one of hundreds of minor cuts I'd gone through in the past.
"Look, don't touch, just learn," I told them with just the right dash of bravado.
I laid myself on a long seat, my bloodied foot propped up and slightly higher than the rest of my body. Gradually, the blood thickened and darkened, until the bleeding stopped.
I stayed that way for about 10 minutes, checked the blood clot if it was crusty enough, then sat up and told the driver, "Let's rock and roll. It's getting dark, and we have a convoy to catch."
I never tried to clean or dress the wound or apply antiseptic. The blood clot looked messy and ugly among the toes of my right foot. But I let it stay that way for days, and avoided rubbing it whenever I showered. There was never any infection or swelling.
After a week, only a minor scar was left, a reminder of an ugly injury that blood healed the natural way.
Of course, I'm keeping mum about my other figurative wounds that are now bleeding me in other ways. But don't worry, my friends. I've learned to cope. Like in physical wounds, you let yourself bleed to start the healing process.
And so, some of you might ask, what was the real reason I wrote this blog? An old memory of an infantile fear, a child's tendency to nosebleed? A recent memory of a fresh foot injury? Some of you thought I was suffering from a broken heart, literally or figuratively. Some might have feared that I was entertaining a death wish. Or maybe I was propounding some esoteric Oriental healing practice?
Well, fuck shit. Y'all guessed partly right and partly wrong.
But, ultimately, who cares? Do you? Really? Lol.
Comments
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pickersplock said on May 09, 2008....
Well, you're not female so getting your period's definitely out. -
Zayda said on May 09, 2008....
Well, that depends on whether you mean bleed literally or metaphorically.
I think about some kind of accident. -
gingersoul said on May 09, 2008....
Moon......I just hope you will not bleed from your heart....definetely....{hug}
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the_infernal_optimist said on May 09, 2008....
((hugs))
Hmm...I don't know if I like any of the possible explanations I can come up with.
~Infernal
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queenparanoia said on May 09, 2008....
is your heart bleeding??? =) -
Me-Myself&I said on May 09, 2008....
Peace. I pray the Lord your soul to keep....I hope the wound is not too deep.Take care. ~see ya -
Twylarants said on May 09, 2008....
Vasectomy? I thought you were being funny til I noticed your tags...they're very potty-mouthed, so I figured you must not be joking.
Donating blood?
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TinSoldier said on May 09, 2008....
... did you lose a pet? Your job opportunity?
Well, that's two guesses.
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lfbno7 said on May 10, 2008....
My brother used to use one combined work shitfuck. Then when I was reading Ball Four by Jim Bouton he wrote about one of his baseball managers who also used to say shitfuck all the time. It's an all purpose kind of word, sort of like one of those all in one gadgets that has a little knife, a bottle opener, a nail clipper, a herring, lots of useful little things on it. -
quietone said on May 10, 2008....
I can't even imagine ~ but will be wating for your post. I hope you are okay. -
polarheart said on May 10, 2008....
Your tags leave me clueless. . .but perhaps that was your intention??I think perhaps, something happened whilst you were sleeping. . .you incurred and injury whilst you were sleeping and found dried blood on your body when you awoke???? HuH? Am I hot or cold?Polar x -
CreativeWoman said on May 10, 2008....
Did one your wind chimes fall on you while you were sleeping?
I hope all is well.
CW
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CreativeWoman said on May 10, 2008....
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Never_Mind_The_Quality said on May 10, 2008....
I hope you are OK Moon. ;-)
I hope it's not a matter of the heart because it can bleed much longer than a wound.
You mean alot to SC and to Joanna and me.
Be strong man.....
~Q
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I'mNotHungry said on May 10, 2008....
Moon, I don't really have a guess, I hope it isn't something I'd do if I were to say that.
I will be patiently ( as soon as I find some) for your next post.....
H
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pusscat said on May 10, 2008....
Oh crikey - with those tags? I hate to even hazard a guess (superstition and all that. . .)Hope it's a really, really, teensy weensy, itsy bitsy, tiny winy bleed though moon :-) -
silverwhisper said on May 10, 2008....
moon, i don't know what this is about. i have a guess, though.
ed -
diabolicdame said on May 10, 2008....
Three guesses rite..
no clue
no clue
no clue
I already know I'm not getting this one right! But I sure hope the bleeding wasn't of a painful nature.. at least not too painful.
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destinydiva said on May 10, 2008....
oh my goodness...are you going for a heart bypass thingy majig??
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Lucytorial said on May 10, 2008....
Moon, if you lay down with a love undefined you can slowly bleed your life blood away.
Walk that mountain and tell the damn story!
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BADDA_BING said on May 11, 2008....
The heart bleeds tears. -
Alyss said on May 12, 2008....
I hope you are alright moon. -
NotWhoYouThink said on May 14, 2008....
Nosebleed? Or heart ache? Hopefully not the later...cuz the former is much easier to contend with. -
Me-Myself&I said on May 17, 2008....
have you bled out....just wondering about you. -
moonriver said on May 22, 2008....
Just dropping by to let you know that all the comments made me smile, and that each comment made me think of certain thoughts. Certain bizarre thoughts. But I gotta catch up on a few hours' sleep. And then, I finally get to write the substantial part of this bloody blog. ((yawn... excuse my grogginess))
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TinSoldier said on May 22, 2008....
Looking forward to an explanation my friend. Get some rest regardless.
I'll be away in our own mountains this weekend so it may be a few days. But it's good to see you back.
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
read again, and learn. consummatum est. lol.
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silverwhisper said on May 23, 2008....
i'm glad to see i was wrong, moon. :>
ed -
moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
ed -- I didn't have an idea about your guess, haha. But it's all good. I'm all bloodied but rapidly healing... :-)
tinnie -- You guessed wrong, my friend. Yes, I lost a pet and a job opportunity earlier this year, but the two hurts didn't bleed. Just vague aches. I'm glad to see you around, too.
memyself -- Yup, the wound was not too deep. Thanks for checking on me. You're one great friend... :-)
notwhoyouthink -- In a sense, you gave the best guess. Thanks for dropping by.
alyss -- I'm all right. I hope you are, too. Alice Cooper said, "Only women bleed." Not true. You know that of course. Lol.
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
badda-bing -- "The heart bleeds tears." That's awesome poetic imagery, dude. And so is your name. Lol.
lucy -- Love undefined? Hmm. Define love, quick, and save me from bleeding to death. Lol.
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
destiny -- Heart bypass? What for? My heart is as strong as an ox's. And as dilapidated as an oxcart. Lol. Psst. Thanks for the PM, my dear friend.
ddame -- The bleeding was painful, but only for a while. Thanks for not trying too hard to guess, my friend, hahaha.
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Me-Myself&I said on May 23, 2008....
lol....glad to see you! i went and googled "i lay me down to bleed" and this is what i got....a poem named Sir Andrew Barton....here's a portion of the poem -
"Fight on, my men," say Sir Andrew Barton. "I am hurt, but i am not slain. I'll lay me down and bleed a while. And then i'll rise and fight again."
*smile* i'm glad to see it wasn't as bad as i thought! Hell, i missed you, plus worried alittle....maybe alot. Nice to see you my friend. take care ~see ya
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TinSoldier said on May 23, 2008....
*rereads*
Excellent post as usual, moonriver. Inspiring, nostalgic, and melancholy all at once. And far more literal than some of us believed at first!
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
memy -- Hey, that's a nice poem. It has a sad ending though. I followed the Google link, and read through the long verse. In the end, they cut off Sir Andrew Barton's head. He aint bleedin no more hahaha. Thanks for missing me, my friend, but don't worry. I aint gonna get my head chopped off like Sir Andrew the Scot. Lol.
tinman -- It's mostly literal, but there's somethin figurative lurkin in there, if only I know how to find it hahaha. Thanks for the kind words, my friend.
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
pusscat -- Aww, I had hoped you'd venture a really wild and wooly, out-of-this-world bloody guess... But thanks for the kind words, lady.
hungry girl -- I knew what you were thinking, what you perhaps feared I'd do, my friend. You know what? I've often imagined how it is to die a violent death in combat, or at the hands of a shadowy gunman. I've seen many buddies die that way, and often the scenes are played in excruciatingly slow-motion in my mind. I suffer from survivor's guilt complex.
NMTQ -- Thanks for the kind words, man. You are right about physical wounds healing more easily. That's my area of expertise. Matters of the heart -- I think I failed that subject in college hahaha. It's one thing to be so openly heart-broken, battered and bleeding from all pores. It's another thing to suffer from tiny pin-pricks that don't bleed at all, and are done with a smile and a curt, "Ooops, sorry 'bout that, I didn't mean it." Lol.
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
cw -- Wind chime falls on Moonriver while sleeping. Hmm. Nice guess. You have a very romantic imagination, my friend. This one has a poetic ring to it. At least it conjures a more dramatic image than "Heavy steel brace falls on Moonriver's right foot while changing a flat tire." Lol.
polar -- Hmm. A guess similar to CW's. Now that you say it, I do remember when I was a child, I used to wake up in the morning with my nose all clogged up with dried blood. My nose bled while I was asleep. Perhaps I picked my nose and nicked it with a sharp fingernail? Nobody could say for sure. I'm lucky I outgrew it.
quiet -- Maybe you had some guesses in your mind but didn't dare say it openly. Come on. Maybe now you can tell us what you thought. Maybe it was along the lines of me beseiged by a squadron of mosquitoes, and I slap here and there on my arms and legs to squish them, then lay myself to sleep. Some scenario, huh? Lol.
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diabolicdame said on May 23, 2008....
Oh that reminded me of a lot of my own biology lessons! hehe.. thats a good one moon.. though I think a little antiseptic wouldn't hurt.. or even a tetanus shot! But I'm glad you're ok and that the foot healed nicely. Good job moonblood! (eww that sounds gross somehow! But you know what I mean) -
the_infernal_optimist said on May 23, 2008....
My dad is much like you are in regard to self-healing (for himself, but not so much for his children -- I think it always freaked him out a little to see me hurt!). He trusts his body to basically just do what it was built to be able to do, and I think that's admirable...as long as he and you still know when to accept outside help for the things that might overwhelm our built-in healing system. ;-)
~Infernal
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
ddame -- If the wound has a lot of dirt in it, I simply wash asap in soap and water. I've never taken any tetanus shots, btw.
Biology's your favorite lesson too? Then you're weird like me hahaha.
Biology has always been my favorite subject (followed by math, social science, English... I could go on. Lol), and my high school biology teacher did much to inspire me.
I'd probably have gone on to become a Jacques Costeau, or a medical doctor like my cousins before me, had not other circumstances intervened. I should blog about this topic in the future.
Thanks for dropping by, my friend.
infernal -- Hey, I think I like your dad already. Lol. And yes, you hit the nail right on the head. That's exactly my shortcoming -- not knowing (even not wanting) to accept outside help when my inner defenses could no longer cope.
Heck, I've always wanted to die like Brad Pitt's character in Legends of the Fall -- standing on my own and fighting with every breath, in a mountainous wilderness that I consider home. Not that I'm anywhere as handsome as Brad...lol.
Hmm. Why is it that you and I seem to understand the subtext about inner defenses? Lol. Thanks for dropping by, my friend.
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diabolicdame said on May 23, 2008....
You're welcome moon! Why didn't you tell me about this earlier? I just took a tetanus shot ten days ago and my side was swollen for a couple of days! I could have done without it. And yes biology is my favorite subject! followed by a list similar to yours with languages and social science and physics etc except I'd put maths in the end! haha.. Its little wonder I'm doing my engineering in bio-informatics.. infact I have my computational biology final exam in 8 hours or so. The first of this term end. Ok back to books. -
moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
ddame -- Of course if your doc says you need a tetanus shot, then you probably need a tetanus shot. (Unless you don't trust your doctor... which isn't surprising these days...lol.)
Engineering in bio-informatics? Wow, another nerd in the house. Hey, good luck on your finals. And read my comment on Tinsoldier's latest blog. It might be of interest to you. (Ooops, I just noticed you read it too, and posted your own comment. Welcome to nerdland, my friend. Lol.)
Combining engineering and biology... hmm... interesting. ((something whirrs and clicks inside moon's head))
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diabolicdame said on May 23, 2008....
I like it here at nerdland! :-)
Alright moon.. I'm off to bed.. and I'm done studying too! yay! Thanks for wishing me luck!
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moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
lenny -- My own cute little Swiss knife has it reversed... Instead of shitfuck, I use fuckshit, hahaha.
I recall having worked for a couple of years as a research and infotech officer in a law center that gave emphasis to training grassroots paralegals. We required them to submit regular reports on the human rights situation in the various indigenous territories, and spot reports on specific human rights violations, in fact-sheet format.
"Fact sheets, learn to write fact sheets quickly but accurately," we trainors would often emphasize, drilling all the fact-sheet items into the paralegals' heads so they could follow the report structure even without notes. "Fact sheets! We need fact sheets."
Since many of the paralegals didn't know much English, whether in spoken or written form, they wrote it down as "fuckshit." We need fuckshit. Did Army troops burn down another village? Send a fuckshit about it quick. Did they abduct another local leader? Another fuckshit.
Yeah. Fuckshit has multiple uses, like my trusty Swiss knife. Lol.
Thanks for dropping by, old soul.
twyla -- Are you sure this isn't all a gigantic prank I've been playing on all of you, hhm? Lol. Me, a blood donor? That's an interesting scenario, but no, I was thinking more along the lines of heart donor in the future hahaha.
queeeeeniiiieeeeee -- Me? Bleeding heart? Where? Who? Why? ((plays innocent)) How do you know? Did you take a peek? Lol.
ddame -- Good night! And pass all your finals, Miss Bio-informatic Nerd. Lol.
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quietone said on May 23, 2008....
Hi ya moon, glad to see you are okay ~ :) -
moonriver said on May 23, 2008....
quiet -- Shhh. Keep quiet, Quiet. We don't want everyone to know about our calligraphic secrets, now do we? Lol.
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Lucytorial said on May 23, 2008....
tee he heee one thing you always do is make me smile you crazy man!
Well quite interesting to read the way you have explained your post, what struck me the most was the way in which you expressed the little pin prick hurts that don't bleed, and are done in such a pleasant way... got me thinking!
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moonriver said on May 24, 2008....
lucy -- Pot calls kettle black. I'm only slightly crazier than you are, lady. ((smiles anyway))
Well, haven't you experienced that kind of dilemma? Pinpricks that don't bleed, you get used to it, and after a while, you find out that so many tiny wounds have scarified and made you numb to the pain. You still don't get it? Here, click on this. LOL.
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moonriver said on May 24, 2008....
ginger -- Me? Bleed from the heart? Why would you pose that possibility, my dear friend? Are you an expert in surgical love cuts and their various effects on the anatomy? Lol.
zayda -- Accident it clearly was... my recent foot injury, I mean. The incident, routine as it looked at first, led me to think about why I seem so nonchalant in dealing with wounds and bleeding (physical or otherwise), to backtrack to my childhood blood phobia days, and to realize that here was an odd aspect of me I needed to blog about.
Actually, I took a series of pics of the injury, but decided they were probably too morbid to post here for other bloggers to ogle at.
pickers -- As the first respondee, you are hereby granted this award, for posing the most profound and thought-provoking observation establishing the parameters that delimit the possible causes of my bleeding condition. Namely, that I can't possibly fuckin shit menstruate. Lol.
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pickersplock said on May 24, 2008....
And I take this award with great honor! -
gingersoul said on May 24, 2008....
Moon.....my dear friend, as a matter of fact.....i am........
I also give free consultations and i have a lifetime reserve of great painkillers....would you ever need some....just ask....{hug}
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moonriver said on May 24, 2008....
ginger -- Thanks for the offer, my dear expert friend. But, unfortunately, external painkillers have no effect on me. Painkillers suck, generally. I will have to rely on my own good ol' reliable internal coping mechanisms.
pickers -- I'll give the award later tonight in my Chinese-character blog. You are hereby given the name Great Funny Girl. Lol.
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crybabylu said on Jun 03, 2008....
I pray for you and your mom, hope you are back soon.
Comment on "Now I lay me down to bleed."
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