I always try to do the right things, and for a time, I try to live with people's expectation. I account it for growing up with parents telling me how great I am. I appreciate them for that and I have always believed I am good and will be good and that I shall stand tall in the crowd. Gee, my confidence.

It was good...great...until I realized I haven't been true to myself...I tried to please others before myself. I do things with the motive of getting something in return...for people to admire, adore and even worship me. I AM A NARCISSIST!

It took me this old to finally accept that. And even this admission has a tinge of narcissism.

Self-importance has leashed me to a life I may regret later. I have vowed not to be seen a failure, so I have always chosen a safe track where my mistakes would not be ostensible. Sounds sneaky but not too witty.

Like many people, I am self aware and in contradiction to my narcissism, I have loathed myself several times...when I am alone...when I have a real close look at myself and I dont like what I see. But curing oneself is rather challenging.

I don't know how this writing should end. Only one thing is certain, I have to chronicle this so I would be reminded later of my admission of guilt. But then again, the jury is myself and can always be persuaded with bribery.