There are days in my life I'd rather not repeat and certainly try to avoid. It seems into every life a shit storm must fall. Despite carefully planning to avoid all unneccesary disruptions I still manage to get mangled in the cross fire.
Someone in my life has hurt me deeply with their words. I think it was intentional, since I can't see how it was accidental. They further increased the injury by refusing to take responsibility for their words. I'm so furious that I feel like I could burst a blood vessel in my head and become a babbling idiot.
All of this has mad me mad at the world. Really. Just mad at everything and everybody. I hate that I'm forced to interact with other humans. I fantasize about moving so far from civilization that I have to make bi-annual trips to stock up on food and fuel. My only companions being an internet connection and the great outdoors.
Even when I calm down I doubt that the thirst for revenge will subside. It's not a part of my personality that I like about myself. I wish I wasn't this way, but I am and I'm tired of suppressing it. I'm tired of trying to play nice with other and not take advantage of them in any way. I'm done being the peace maker and putting the feelings of others equal to or ahead of mine.
[stamps foot down hard and throws a lamp]
Up to now I've been clinging tightly to the idea that karma will take care of these dirty wormy people who are a waste of human flesh. Maybe I'm wrong and karma intends that I fend for myself.
