I cannot understand why I am the one feeling nervous - I have the answer key, I composed the exam, I am the teacher. When it comes to testing, it should be much better to give than to receive. However, the tension is killing me.
My second-years have been taking practicals all afternoon and performing well for the most part. Maybe I have taken too much ownership of their acquisition of knowledge. When one of them gets a poor score, it feels like a personal insult.
I have been told by seasoned faculty that I will become more jaded as time goes on, that I will not have such a visceral reaction when one of them fails, but I am not sure I believe it. I am not even convinced that is something I should hope for - my sensitivity to their needs, and my desire for their success is what keeps me motivated to teach. I want them to learn, and while I understand that some people's talents might be better suited in other areas, I love what I do for a living, and I hope that their endeavors to enter the profession will all be blessed with success.
The one thing that has annoyed me today is that some of them clearly didn't put the time in - didn't study enough, practice enough, or avail themselves of the extra help I have offered throughout the semester. No, I don't feel as guilty or upset when one of these students has difficulty with their exam. That is an expected consequence and could easily be remedied by applying more effort. What I find heartbreaking is people who legitimately try their best and still struggle. I think that maybe I am the one who failed - I am new at this, and perhaps I need a better teaching strategy.
Ahhhh - I can't wait until the semester is over. I have not looked forward to summer vacation this much since I was about 12 years old!
