I haven't had a anxiety attack like this in years, but now I am.
I was chit chatting with my sister just now about my kid's up coming graduations. I was hoping she would be able to make it since my ex's parents and brother will be there and I'd like a little family support on my side. She's the only one I speak to regularly that lives close enough to be there. My dad is in Nebraska and doubt he'll make it out and my brother who is a marginal ally is in Hawaii. My daughter had said my mom won't be there, which made me feel marginally better since I don't talk to her.
My sister was dodging and ducking the issue which is unusual. Usually if she doesn't want to do something she just says so. Then she dropped the bomb.
My mother is coming to the graduations.
I'm actually having a hard time breathing and my pulse is a little fast. My eyes are threatening to leak as well. How dare she show up like she is somehow entitled to be there! This is the woman who is soley responsible for the fact that I have not had primary custody of my children for the past 5 years.
It was going to be bad enough that I was going to have to share breathing air with the slimy parents of my ex who actively work to screw me out of money by laundering the money my ex makes so that he can declare pretty much nothing on tax returns. I have no ax to grind with his brother so far.
I was naively thinking I might be able to enjoy their graduations. A reward of sorts for the efforts I've put into raising them the best I could. To celebrate their accomplishments. I was really looking forward to this, but now I don't think I'll have a decent night's sleep until it's over.
I don't often admit this, but those people (mom, ex-inlaws) scare me.
