• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 30, 2008....

  If you honestly think he's not the one, cut him loose.  Dating is not a challenge.  It's not like you get more "points" for dating a ton of men.  Plenty of people date only a hand full of people their entire life.
   
  Date the men who really interest you until you find the ONE who truly interest you and that you love.  Could be Phil, might not be, don't limit yourself or push yourself either.

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  ugh, unique, that word the one made me cringe...Its all a means to the end...i keep thinking the only point of dating is to find a husband, but then i think damn, i dont even think i want to get married...I almost married my first boyfriend and i vowed i would get tons of dating experience before i even thought of settling.    Phil definitly interests me.  I like him a lot.  I like spending time with him he makes me feel special and he is so funny and nice.  I like him a lot...but i cant help but wander if im missing out on something that is greener on the other side...I simply just have no idea what i want.  I want to be in a relationship with him bc i like him so much and would hate to see him date another girl...but then i dont want a relationship bc i want to meet other men too and im not ready for a serious relationship.  But then i think i can only turn down his offer for me to be his girlfriend so many times before he gives up and loses interest......   : ( i so confoosed

• Lucytorial said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I think you need to talk to him about those confused feelings, at least then he's aware, he may say heck, take it easy I won't pressure you or he may leave who knows, lifes so full of surprises you just never know.  BUT you can't sit there and wonder, good lord you are single, go out and enjoy friendships, not every chance meeting with men is a date or a future boyfriend, some men can become extremely good friends, stop thinking of relationships and start thinking BIG group of friends, when you stop looking for love you may just surprise yourself with Mr right gob smacking you...

• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 30, 2008....

  wow, you're one really confused chickie.  Not like I've got all of my shit together, but perhaps all the crap I've been through gives me a leg up on this stuff.

  The point to dating is not to find a husband.  If that were true we could overhaul the system and have a computer assign us a mate that we would be totally compatable with.  The problem would be that unless you had "sparks" with that assigned person eventually it would break down.  So ......... I'm pretty sure dating is the tool by which you find the person who makes you weak in the knees and leaves you completely uninterested in other men.

  You don't have to be married to be with your soulmate.  Plenty of people have lived their lives together without the formality of marriage.  I don't know your religious beliefs, so perhaps for you that isn't an option.

  Last and not least I want to scold you.

  How dare you consider being Phils girlfriend because you don't want him to meet other women.  The only valid reason to be his girl is because you want to be with him and him alone.  In the sentence before that you went on about wanting to meet and spend time with other men.  It's not fair.  No good can come of that kind of controlling behavior.  If Phil really loves you he'll stick around until you either see the errors of your ways or you snuff the love of you right out of him.  Maybe you need to take a day or two away from him to consider what life without him might be like.

  I get the feeling that even as good a guy as Phil is that you need to rediscover who YOU are.  You got really burned so it may be that you're just not healed enough emotionally to make this relationship work.

• travelr712 said on Apr 30, 2008....

  what you've written in this post, especially the end, is why men think women want to be told what to do. our problem is, we can't tell the difference between when you want us to and when you don't.
   
  you're facing a pretty normal choice that people have. you've not had very many relationships yet, so you really don't know what you want. but if you give up what you've got now, will you find something better? and if you don't, will you then find something as good?
   
  the truth is, there's no way to tell. you just have to live out the relationship to find out. there's no textbook as to how things will go with phil, or any other man. people change over the years. will some of those changes in you, or in him, make the two of you become incompatible? the only way to find that out is to live out the relationship for those years.
   
  personally, i think you should try dating other men for awhile, to find out what it is that you like and don't like. maybe you'll find something that fits you better. maybe you'll just gain some experience. and maybe phil will wait for a couple years and come back.
   
  but the one thing you can be assured of, is that there will always be other men.

• lfbno7 said on Apr 30, 2008....

  Have no fear. Whatever decision you make, it's bound to be the wrong one. If you turn down all other men for Phil, it will turn out that you are unhappy with Phil or he is cheating his little butt off. If you dump Phil, and go with another guy or two, you will be kicking yourself because Phil was your true soul mate and you blew it, and the new guy or two turn out to be annoying. Do you like mushroom pizza? I do.

• starchini said on May 01, 2008....

  Lucy...i will do that...or try to...i dont know...im nuts...i need a labotomy

  Unique!!!!! WAHHH : ((  : <  : <  I know!!!  Im so sorry...im a terrible person...ive been thinking though, and i do like him and if i was to accept his offer and be exclusive......it would be because i like him...and i wont date other men...i dont know what im thinking...im so confoosed...Hes more than enough man for me i think and i think me worring about missing out is stupid...i got stop being such a control freak and LETGOO!!!  Thank u..

  Maybe ur right trav...but i dont want phil to go away, i like him a lot...

  lennie...i love mushroom pizza...with extra sauce....: )

• travelr712 said on May 01, 2008....

  well then, that's your answer.

• silverwhisper said on May 02, 2008....

  starchini, maybe the problem is you like phil, maybe you even want to be with him...
  
  ...but just not now.
  
  ed

• starchini said on May 05, 2008....

  I think that was the prob silv.  I did push past it though.  I took the leap and am now Phil's "girlfriend"...that is such a stupid word...Timing is never good in life and there would have never been a good time for me to jump back into the saddle...i figured, now or never...: ) Wish me luck..

• silverwhisper said on May 06, 2008....

  hey, cool! have fun, starchini! :D
  
  ed

• starchini said on May 06, 2008....

  Thanks silv.  So far i am.  Last night we celebrated cinco de mayo and i got to meet some of his family.

• silverwhisper said on May 06, 2008....

  you're gonna blog about that, right? :>
  
  ed

• Italia21086 said on May 07, 2008....

  You obviously feel something more powerful for him then a friendship if you feel guilty if you go out with another guy? Think about it maybe Phil is the man of your dreams and he's right there in front of your face ... 

• starchini said on May 07, 2008....

  Oh yea silv, im a bloggin fool.  : >

  The man of my dreams italia?  lol i wouldnt go that far but he is pretty fantastic : )

• Italia21086 said on May 07, 2008....

  You Never know? ...

• starchini said on May 07, 2008....

  u are right, u never know, could be...but its better to expect less and be pleasantly surprised than to expect more and be disapointed : )

• Italia21086 said on May 08, 2008....

  I agree with you 100% Im just saying Love pops up in all the least expected places and with the least expected people

• starchini said on May 08, 2008....

  Yes it does...but love scares the hell out of me and i dont wanna dare use the word : ) not yet anyway : )

• Italia21086 said on May 08, 2008....

  Me too Me too! You have no idea how afraid I was of the words "I Love You" I can honestly say I said them for the first time Jan 20th of this year. I can't even ever recall saying it to my parents or siblings. I mean Im sure I have 'cause what little kid doesn't tell their parents, but I was Always saving it for the right guy for the one . I feel to many people throw those words around, and they should be said only when actually meant and from the heart. Just my opinion

• starchini said on May 08, 2008....

  I say i love you to all my family members and my best friend melissa.  I think that if u really love someone u should never miss a chance to tell them...u never know when u wont get the chance to say it again...i agree that they are the most powerful words in the english language and should only be said when they are truly meant.  I told David i love him, i thought he was the one...i waited a year before i said it...Phil already tells me he loves me.  I asked him if hed ever been inlove before and he said no.  I dont know if he is really in love with me...he says it so genuinly.  I havnt said it back and each time he tell me he waits for me to respond and when he says it i just kiss him on the cheek and he talks about something else.  Last night we were in my car saying goodbye and we just finished our goodnight kiss when he puts both hands on my face and looks me straight in the eye and says "i love u so much" i just smiled and kissed his forehead...I like him a lot, i think i may be falling in love with him but i dont wanna dare say it till i know im absolutly in love with the man.  And right now im just in deep deep deep deep deep deeeeep like...

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