• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I'm confused.  You're saying you're really not in a relationship, but you want to have some say in who he hangs out with?  (or am I reading more into it than there is?)
   
  I have several friends who are men who I do not have an interest in, and I think the same is true for them.  Even if it were not true, I do believe that men and women can form friendships based on mutual interest. 
   
  As for Tawny, why not find out who she is now?  She may not have changed, but you won't know if you don't get to know her better.  I certainly have changed since High School and I bet you have too.

• diabolicdame said on Apr 30, 2008....

  Happy birthday in advance!! And now on the topic.. its totally possible for a guy and a girl to be just friends.. its not very common but it is possible. I have one of those friends and for either one of us to even think of the other one sexually is like 'Eeeww gross'.. cos he's not a guy to me.. just a friend.. and vice versa. Trust me.. it can happen. Even otherwise I wouldn't worry about this chick. It sounds like Phil has eyes only for you so it doesn't matter even if she does like him. Maybe just tell him how you feel??

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  Yes unique...that is exactly what im saying lol...i dont want a relationship with him and i want him to not hang out with Tawny...i also want to date other people and have him be ok with that....I didnt dare ask him to not hang out with her bc i know how crazy that line of thinking is...the thought had crossed my mind...and now i kinda do want a relationship...but not really, mostly i just dont want him to date anyone else.  And that is a selfish reason to start a relationship...Id bet big money those guys that are just friend like u more than friends but they know u are not interested so they dont make anymoves and settle for friendships....

  Diabolic...THANK YOU!  Id also bet that the guy u are friends with likes u more than friends but knows u think "eww gross" so he doesnt make a move...Thanks for the calming words...i also think he just has eyes for me, but, ive thought that before....I cant tell him how i feel hell think im a paranoid freak...i did warn him though that i have major man and trust issues, so i could talk to him about it bc he decided to like me despite my warning...

  Im not gonna dare ask him to not hang out with Tawny...im just gonna have to deal with it...but i am very suspicious and jealous...

  I also still dont think there is any such thing as a mutual friendship between man and woman...i think friendship between man and women is a consolation prize bc there is a reason they cant be together.  Either one is in a relationship or one isnt interested or both are in a relationship or one is gay...but i think that if a man and a woman are just friends one of them has a crush...

  Its my reasoning, im sticking to it...

  Even same sex friendships...if melissa and i were gay we would totally date eachother, but we arent, so we are just friends...

  Do u guys understand where im coming from or do u just think im nuts? 

  It makes perfect sense to me...

• evil_twin said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I think it's possible for men and women to be just friends, without someone always having a crush. Maybe neither party is attracted physically to the other person? But they have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. It doesn't have to be that someone HAS to have a crush. But of course your scenario is true a lot of the time...but it's not a GIVEN. At least not in my experience, unless there are friends of mine that have crushes on me that I don't know about.....
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  EXACTLY!!!  U dont know they have a crush....I supose if both people were butt ass ugly they could be just friends...but a lot of people dont give a crap about looks and a physical attraction is not a necessity...they are turned on by personality...so no, i retract that agrrement...no such thing as just friends...well they can claim it all they want but i believe there is always a hidden agenda...

• evil_twin said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I suppose I have to concede defeat then. Because I THINK I've got friends that aren't attracted to me, since I'm not attracted to them...but they might be keeping it secret! But then again, what I don't know, can't hurt me.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I win?  wow, that hardly ever happens...ur admission leads me to what im worried about...what u dont know wont hurt u....is it Phil that doesnt know she likes him?  Or is it Phil that secretly likes her?

• evil_twin said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I think that even if he ever did like her, he doesn't now. Because he likes you instead! So try not to obsess too much. Of course I always obsess over crazy things myself....but I think all that matters here is that Phil definitely is into you. A lot. So don't worry about it.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• SeanRenaud said on Apr 30, 2008....

  You're a female, this makes you atleast in part insane and there is nothing that you or anybody else can do to fix this in the end. 
   
  That said I think most of your answers are spot on about male female relationships.  Maybe you really are that wonderful, guys seem to drop the L-bomb on you pretty fucking quick.

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  lol, thanks sean, i know im nuts...all i can do is hope u all straighten me out.  : )  Thank you for agreeing with that statement i didnt think anyone would.  Evil sorta did, but faught the idea.  I dont know why they drop the l bomb so fast.  Our second "date" he said he was falling for me and on the third he said he loved me.  I dont know what to think...its way to fast...

• SeanRenaud said on Apr 30, 2008....

  Because it seems faked to get into your pants.  Hense the part where you don't trust him.
   
  Sad part is that this is part of the slut/player dynamic.  See him having sex with you without falling in love with you?  That's fine, dandy and expected.
   
  However before you're allowed socially to want sex he has to show commitment that he may or may not mean.  This is one of those times where the hypocrisy screws everybdoy equally.

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  hmm...i hadnt even thought of that...i did sleep with him after he claimed to be falling for me...that wasnt why i slept with him though.  I slept with him bc i was horny...interesting...maybe he is full of shit...but why does he keep saying it? 

  Ive seen lots of men have sex with women and not fall in love so i dont expect him to love me because we had sex...

  Hes been begging for a commitment and i keep telling him i want to wait its too soon, i dont want anything serious...but we still have sex...

   

• diabolicdame said on Apr 30, 2008....

  No I don't think you're nuts at all.. that is exactly how I thought until I found this friend. In fact that was my experience. I mean every guy that I got close to as friends ended up falling in 'love' with me. I know how that is. But things can be different, even if rarely. Trust me he has no feelings for me other than as a friend whatsoever! Maybe its that we're just not each other's type. I like tall guys and this one is actually shorter than me! lol..
  
  Having said that i would say that you're not wrong in being suspicious of this girl. I am also just like that and if some girl is getting too close to my bf my alarm bells start going off! If thats the case then keep an eye on her. And you can always draw him out a little and wean him off her if things get more serious between you two.  I'm sure I'm sounding manipulative here but you gotta watch out for you man, right? Anyway its too soon for you two right now I guess.
  You'll figure out pretty soon which one of them secretly likes the other if you just watch them.
  

• starchini said on Apr 30, 2008....

  I dont wanna watch out for my man...i want to trust my man whole heartedly and not have to worry about cheating...I get sick just thinking about it...i dont want to ever be cheated on again and i feel so low spying...Dont get me wrong, ive done it before...i just hated myself for it and i told myself i  wont do it again...even though it works, i caught him cheating on me...This is what i despise about love.  Its just a game to see who can crush the otherone into oblivion.  It makes u so vulnerable and so nuts.  IM NOT EVEN DATING THIS GUY!!!  And im already thinking of sneaking to his house and spying on him...MY GOD!!!  Seriously?  Can someone just shoot me?

• diabolicdame said on Apr 30, 2008....

  Ok.. Take a deep calming breath.
  Now, don't judge this guy based on bad experiences you've had in the past... Give him a chance. And if he flunks on his own then you can freak out. It sucks to be cheated on.. I haven't been through it but I've seen friends going through it and it crushes you and your self esteem. I know. But this is just really too soon to be stressing yourself over this guy! Slow down.. see where this is going.. just chill a little. Sounds like this David fellow hurt you pretty bad. I think you should take your time with this guy. Even though I am the jealous type I always trust my guy totally and we never really fight over girls and he's in another country! So there are guys that don't cheat. You need to believe that. And you need to calm down and cheer up and just enjoy your time with Phil without worrying so much. (((hug)))
  

• Lucytorial said on Apr 30, 2008....

  my two cents here, my answer is yes.
  
  To have friends at all you must be attracted to some part of them, it has to be mutual, it does not mean sex, it does not mean an unequal relationship just because you have a man and a women who are friends.
  
  I think your focus on the sex thing or the relationship deeper thing is not helping.
  

• silverwhisper said on May 01, 2008....

  what u-i said about the apparent disharmony in the blog entry, starchini.
  
  yes, it's absolutely possible to be friends w/ someone without wanting to have sex with them. most of my life, i've had more female friends than male friends. and yeah, i have female friends that are great people and good-looking that i don't want to sleep with. i can admire the fact that they're good-looking and their good characteristics as people, but still not want to boink 'em.
  
  frankly, i'm always a little surprised by people who feel differently.
  
  ed

• starchini said on May 01, 2008....

  Dia, that was very wisdomonious of u to say...u cant judge this guy based on past bad experiences let him flunk on his own and then freak out......okay....i will try.....

  I kinda spoke with him about it last night luce, he was flattered that i was worried about it but pretty much said "id be a psycho to jeopardize what ive got with u on some dumb chick ive known since 2nd grade.  i would never in a million years do anything with her"  so i feel a little bit better about it but i still dont believe him...but i will try to not show that i think hes full of shit : )

  Maybe its bc i ve got sex on the brain 24/7 silv....every person i meet i picture them naked and decide if they are a friend or a potential partner...they both are good looking so i just dont understand being friends...when there could be more...makes me think the only reason it hasnt progressed is bc of obstacles and if given the right circumstances there would be more, u know?

• Billynomates said on May 02, 2008....

  Ok this is the real possition.

  If you put a male of 35 plus in an environment where there is a female of 25 plus.

  The male will allways eventually ask the female for sex.

  No matter what convention dictates.

  Just another factual gem from

  Billynomatres. 

   

• starchini said on May 05, 2008....

  Generally speaking i agree Billy...

• SeanRenaud said on May 05, 2008....

  35+?  Don't you mean 15+?

• silverwhisper said on May 06, 2008....

  seriously, you guys are making me feel really, really old. i remember once thinking like that right around my college days or so.
  
  ed

• starchini said on May 06, 2008....

  oh silv ur just a spring chicken!  Maybe its a bad time to say "ur only as old as u feel" hehe : )

• silverwhisper said on May 07, 2008....

  [chuckles]
  
  thank you, starchini. :>
  
  ed

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