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I've been told that I'm going to die.  The chance that I will survive and beat this gets slimmer each day.

I toggle back and forth between fighting and giving up.

I fight and then I give up, I am scared and then I'm okay, I am anxious and then I'm calm, I am pissed off and then I am relieved.

I haven't posted in quite a while - I figured it didn't matter, no one was reading anyway.  I'm not sure why I'm posting now.  I just needed to say this out loud.

 



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Comments

  • MsStar39 said on Apr 30, 2008....
    Continue to fight, don't give up, no one knows but God when someone is  going to die. The doctors have given people so many years to die many times and they are still living,
    It is when they believe what they say and just give up..Stay strong and fight. will pray for you.
  • silverwhisper said on Apr 30, 2008....
    i know i haven't seen you much lately, but ms star is right: the odds can be beaten. to quote winston churchill: never give up.

    ed
  • GracefullyGrowing said on Apr 30, 2008....
    I would say never surrender, never give up, and I don't say that lightly. 
     
    It must be terribly "dark" at times, and the feeling to give up must be overwhelming.  True strength comes from one spirit, and there is no meter available to us that shows us what's left within.  One can't just shake the can and tell they are about to "run out."  Put in the effort, and you will pull strength from your very depths - from the very source of strength (your spirit!!!) just when you thought there was not another bit of it left.
     
    ~Grace~
  • GracefullyGrowing said on May 03, 2008....
    You fought, my dear friend, to the bitter end.   You fought bravely, and well.  I'm so proud of you.  Your spirit is like none other, and I know you're going to be with me still - with that spirit.
     
     
    ~Grace~
  • Lucytorial said on May 03, 2008....
    Dearest Myheartaches,

    You have left a lovely legacy for us all, to know that life is precious and special that you touched many here and in your world, gods speed Myheartaches, may you find glorious peace, love, nurturing and support in your journey into heaven.

    Sincerely,

    Tobi-Lee Vivian
  • Sunshine_Mariah said on May 04, 2008....
    You wrote me just the other day and said the words 'Never Give Up'
     
    I regret that I haven't been following your journey as of late, and to read that you passed. It breaks my heart to know that you wrote me such strong words but were unable to fight yourself. I am also saddened that I was unable to exchange any words with you.
     
    You were a great friend to me, and many others here at SC. I will miss you terribly, but will get through knowing that you are in a better place now and are no longer suffering. You have now joined the other angels who are watching over us forever and always.
     
    See you soon, my friend.
     
    ~Mariah    xoxo
  • Sunshine_Mariah said on May 04, 2008....
    You wrote me just the other day and said the words 'Never Give Up'
     
    I regret that I haven't been following your journey as of late, and to read that you passed. It breaks my heart to know that you wrote me such strong words but were unable to fight yourself. I am also saddened that I was unable to exchange any words with you.
     
    You were a great friend to me, and many others here at SC. I will miss you terribly, but will get through knowing that you are in a better place now and are no longer suffering. You have now joined the other angels who are watching over us forever and always.
     
    See you soon, my friend.
     
    ~Mariah    xoxo
  • dailyachesandpains said on May 04, 2008....
    You are already missed.  I hope you can see that from the heaven you stand in as a beautiful, peaceful and real angel. 

    {{{HUGS}}} and we will all see you up there in a place that is so peaceful.
    Daily
  • Mamie said on Jun 02, 2008....
    I came here to say hello to you today, G...I know you are with your beloveds and that you are one of our advocates here at sc....rest, my friend, you fought the hard fight and overcame so much pain and suffering. We often forget that second phrase in the serenity prayer...that suffering is the pathway to peace.
     
    I am proud of you too, and I hope that you will keep me in your prayers as I will you....I am so glad you are now with your babies...that gives me peace too. Blessed be, my friend. M
  • GracefullyGrowing said on Jul 03, 2008....
    G, I still miss you terribly.  The mourning is not yet easing.  But I feel inside that you're so much better off than you were here.  I'm reading that book you sent me.  In light of that, I say . . . Send some peace our way, (some for P too, because I know she's still deeply grieving too) and find a way to let us know you're watching.
     
    ~Grace~

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The many things in my life need to be stopped just for a while so that I can rest and find my self again but this is a huge surprise......

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