• dailyachesandpains said on Apr 28, 2008....

  Queenie:  {{{{HUGS}}}} you know are mothers are VERY similar and you sound like what I sounded like many years ago, and at times, to this day. 
  
  It TOTALLY helps to just write it all out, like a release.  I only WISH I had a computer when I was younger to get it done faster than journal writing. 
  
  I followed my Mother's dream for me...hated it and loved it. 
  I had to be "thin" for the business, I turned out having an eating disorder.  She didn't care much about that because "they" like the skinny (AKA Anorexic) ones better.  You could see my rib cage, Queenie.  What I'm trying to say is that no matter our size, our mother's will always find our flaws and GLADLY point them out.
  
  I quit college SEVERAL times because of jobs that came up and required extended periods of time away.  Also, the anxiety attacks were happening so that was also a reason to leave.  Do you think my Mother was happy?  NO!  She wanted me to book more work, but also go to school.  No matter what I would have decided, she wouldn't have been happy.  YOU follow YOUR dreams and NOT ANYONE ELSE'S!!!!  Don't expect them to encourage you no matter what decisions you make.  There will always be comments to counteract the positive things.  I've learned to EXPECT this and finally I just know it's coming and I accept that it is. 
  
  Queenie, I totally feel for you my sweetie pie!  Now, I want to ask, if you don't mind...Will you go play some music, smile and DANCE like nobody's watching!
  
  {{{HUGS}}}
  Daily
  
  
  

• queenparanoia said on Apr 28, 2008....

  daily: yes i would dance... =) it just sucks sometimes cuz she doesnt see my point of view. i wish she could... but for now all i could change is me... im following my dreams.. not hers... thanks daily... thank you very much for listening... =)

• cntlvmenuf said on Apr 29, 2008....

  You go girl!! Let it all out. I'll tell you this much, you are smart for having a plan and sticking to it, because you will know you followed your heart...when you follow somebody elses all you end up doing is building up resentment for that person till it spills over. Running away does not help either...so stick it out. I hope all your plans come together. Living alone has its merits.....and its downs. Its not something I'd advice you to do in a hurry but sometimes it takes being away from our parents to get a little independence and fresh air....
   
  Then there is always SC....where you know someone will not only listen to you but understand you. Stay strong..hang in there....and most importantly....continue believing in yourself...and of course, dont forget to keep breathing :-)

• queenparanoia said on Apr 29, 2008....

  cntlv: i can't live alone yet cuz financially i can't afford it yet... but dont worry i wont run away... thank you for your comment... =)

• sweet_cookie01 said on Apr 29, 2008....

  queen... breath in breath out... here is a squishy ball... squeeze it then release... okay ka na? halika gawa nalang tyo ng pandesal, maganda mag masa ng pandesal pag galit ka ha ha ha...

• pickersplock said on Apr 29, 2008....

  Keep on letting it out!
  You know, I knew that I never wanted to move back home after college.
  It's not that my parents were that bad, I just enjoyed having my freedom.
  So I did what it took, found a crappy job,a crappy room mate, and a crappy apartment, and I made it happen.
  You can do it too Queenie!

• crybabylu said on Apr 29, 2008....

  I really don't know what you should do about your mother.  Pickers advice seems sound.  I never got along all that well with my mother either.  As I got older, it was a little more tolerable but we never got really close.

• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 29, 2008....

  I will admit that I skimmed over part of this blog. (sorry)  In my defense I will add that I saw it heading the same direction as many thoughts I often had for my own mother.  Here is what I've learned.  I hope it will help.
   
  1.  Mothers, despite themselves, mean well.  Their motivation is to help you be happy and successful.
   
  2.  Whether or not they need to, you will not be able to change your mother.  You can only learn to deal with her.
   
  3.  Unfortunately none of us are mind readers, even mothers.  It may not solve the problem between you, but if you go to her and calmly discuss what she's doing that is hurtful to her then at least you will have the peace of mind to know that you tried.
   
  I'm sorry you're feeling bad.  I think you are a beautiful person inside and out.  You have many gifts and I hope you don't let family and/or friends keep you from discovering and using them to make you happy.

• skald said on Apr 29, 2008....

  I would hate it too if my mother would ignore me. She never did but it is so hurting when someone you love ignores you. Yes, you focus on what is important to you when you write your anger away. You found out that your dreams and plans for the future are important. I say girl. work on them. Good for you. ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 29, 2008....

  queen,
  
  Is there an activity that both you and your mother enjoy?  Maybe if you spent a little time together doing something fun, it might break the ice so you can talk about some of your issues calmly.  At the very least, it might help you to get along better until you are able to live on your own.  You probably aren't going to be able to change her, but you can change how you react to her.  Writing your feelings down is a good start.
  
  ((((hugs))))
  
  CW
  

• Lucytorial said on Apr 29, 2008....

  parents in general suck!! suck camel nuts... yeh on again with the camel nuts I know its gross.
  
  Queenie, as an adult you have every right to be whom ever you are and want to be, ignorance can be bliss for some never feel bad for who you are... I've seen the spunk in your eyes and I read it here, spunky fun girl with a life and dreams ahead.
  
  **lucy walks over to the cd play and turns it on**
  
  my hump my hump my lovely little lumps!  come on queenie dance baby!
  

• wombat said on Apr 29, 2008....

  I grew up with everybody controlling me so much that I didn't (and sometimes still don"t) even know who I am or how to act.  Recently though, my aging mom said, "I never let you grow up, did I?"  I think she was repeating patterns that she grew up with, and didn't know how to treat me.  Everything I did was wrong, and I was too "ignorant" in her eyes to cook, drive, get married---she even freaked when I got pregnant, as if I was 12 years old and not a grown married woman.  But I am ranting about me here.  Sorry!
   
  I guess it's just how some mother's are--but who knows why she would think you are "fat."  I have seen your photos, you know--and you are just fine the way you are, unless YOU would like to drop a pound or two for your self---which is up to you, and no one else!  That doesn't help you much as advice, but I would be like you and shout just a little if I had to be heard. 
   
  Good things will come to you in all good time.  You are too smart, too pretty, too ambitious for it not to!

• queenparanoia said on Apr 29, 2008....

  sweet_cookie: thanks yeah i think need to mash on a pandesal... let's eat it afterwards... =)

  pickers: i dont think i can do it yet pickers. it's too complicated for me... but maybe someday...

  crybabylu: maybe i should tolerate her... oh well... i hope your relationship with her improve...

  uniquely: thanks uniquely. i know she means well it's just sometimes she dont get me.... and yes i have talk about this to her before.... and it's the same... i'm tired trying to change her. i'm just gnna deal with it... thanks uniquely...

  skald: thank you skald... =) thank you...

  creativewoman: i would try that. the problem is we always argue if we do something together... and i hate it because it ended me feeling bad...

  lucy: ohhhh girl you always make me laugh!!! thank you!!! you just made my day!!! yeah is should just dance it up!!! =)

  wombie: thanks you for your comment wombie... =) i'm doing this for me... =)

• pickersplock said on Apr 29, 2008....

  I hope it's something you'll keep working towards, Queenie!

• lfbno7 said on Apr 29, 2008....

  hello

• gingersoul said on Apr 29, 2008....

  Queenie....my mother has been a pretty cold mother as well.....no hugs, no kisses, no words of support of encouragment...

  I grew up fighting for my father's appreciation at any cost...even to the extreme of feeling alienated from my mother and my femininity....With teh time i learned to read between the lines and i forgave her ...

  I though t my family was the norm...i didnt know that in other families mothers were hugging their daughters and were telling them how smart and strong and beautiful they were. Now that i know it.......i do it with my daughter...no one day passes by without me praising her.....

  You will find your way to reach your mother too, and forgive her... and if you will be a mother as well...you will shower your children with the right kindn of love ..

  Mothers are women ...talk to her like a girl of 21 y-o might talk to an older one...you might be surprised by her reaction..she might just dying for you to reach out to her...... {{hugs}}

• Eilan said on Apr 29, 2008....

  Vent away, queenie.

• queenparanoia said on Apr 29, 2008....

  pickers; yes i am pickers...

  lfbno7:hello too... =)

  ginger: i'm trying to reach out to her but.... nothing... i guess time would tell ginger... thanks for your comment.

  eilan: i am... thanks...

• silverwhisper said on Apr 29, 2008....

  sis, you and i have talked about this before, so you already know how i feel about this, so i won't bore you by repeating myself. instead, i think all that i can do is this:
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• killingme4u said on Apr 29, 2008....

  i'm with lucy....parents really can and do suck camel nuts..........damn if i ain't know where you are comin from about your mom.i know it suck's but it's kinda nice to not be the only one.....   :))

• queenparanoia said on Apr 29, 2008....

  silver: thanks for the hug bro. and as i said before. i already told her about this... still nothing...
  
  killingme4u: i hear you my friend...
  

• iamshay said on Apr 30, 2008....

  hi queen,
   
  Sometimes it takes a painful experience before we see the brighter side of life.
  You are smart and ambitious, fun and fearless young lady,nobody can't take that away. You can control your life. Have courage and focus on the future.
   
  [[[[hugs]]]]]
   
   

• queenparanoia said on Apr 30, 2008....

  iamshay: thank you for your support dear...

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