A week ago last Friday was my 10th wedding anniversary. It came and went without much fanfare. It wasn't quite what I thought it would be when I took that walk down the aisle. We did go out for lunch, but it was nothing special. It was really just another day.
We didn't have much of a honeymoon when we got married. I always thought that on our 10th anniversary we would go someplace dreamy like Hawaii. We had discussed it. I wanted to go while we were still young enough to really enjoy it. I was kidding myself
I guess it is no big surprise if you have read my blog with any regularity that he and I have turned out to want very different things in life. He would like everything to stay the same and I have a need to grow and flourish. It can often times make our daily life very hard.
We had agreed that we weren't going to buy gifts because I had suggested a weekend trip instead. All I have ever really wanted was time together. He never has grasped that for whatever reason. As usual, the trip would be left up to me to decide on and plan.
This weekend, my parents wanted to take the whole family out for supper on Saturday night to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I said yes to that. Why wouldn't I?
Then my husband says that "our weekend" has to be this weekend and it can only be one night away from home. He says he is expecting overtime at the factory and he needs to help his dad work cattle "sometime".
My sister had already made reservations for us for the birthday thing. So I had to plan my anniversary around my birthday dinner.
This meant my 10th anniversary trip would be spent in a very nearby town. The place I had hoped to stay was booked full and I actually ended up with my third choice. He didn't care. He was just along for the ride. I felt this was just his way to satisfy his obligation to me anyway.
He has a history of doing this. Spend very little time with me and then take a day away and try to cram as much into it as possible fitting in several things I've mentioned that might be fun. None of it ends of being fun because it's too rushed to enjoy. He seems to purge himself of any guilt he might feel for what our life has become. I simply get irritated.
We ended up having virtually no couple time except for a movie and then sleeping in the same room. Big whooped-de-doo. I guess I can be thankful I got at least one night away from the farm. It wasn't exactly the mark of anything special.
He even got mad at me because I got him a card. He said I made him feel bad because he didn't get me one. I was hurt and told him not to open it. Just throw it in the trash. He thought no gift, also meant no card. I really didn't care that he didn't give me a card. I didn't expect one from him.
While we were away for this little one day trip he acted all down and out like a bump on a log. Then as we drove home, he got livelier. He got happier. He was back to what he loves most. His farm.
It was just another day.
CW
CreativeWoman posted on Apr 27, 2008
| views: 281
Comments
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sweet_cookie01 said on Apr 27, 2008....
CW i exactly know what you feel... you look forward to something, plan it and the person whom you are going to spend the time with doesnt seem ecstatic about it. Its very disappointing and you end up unsatisfied and disappointed. even feeling grouchy about it.I am sorry you had to feel that way on your anniversary... hmm... just look at it this way, atleast you two have each other and reached your 10th year together! -
diabolicdame said on Apr 28, 2008....
I'm sorry CW.. That just sucks.. especially on your anniversary! Why do men get like this? Why don't they get the importance of little gestures of affection? I just don't understand. I'm sorry it was dissappointing for you. But as cookie said, atleast you reached you 10th anniversary!! And who knows maybe the 11th will be much better! :-) -
CayenneMan said on Apr 28, 2008....
I'm sorry too CreativeWoman, these are touchy issues and I feel the need to keep my opinions to myself. I can only pray that things will work out for you.One thing I will say . . . e i e i o > -
wombat said on Apr 28, 2008....
Sorry the plans didn't pan out like you wanted, but Happy Birthday and anniversary from me. I ususally don't even try to make plans, because they never seem to be the way I imagined either. I end up calling it just what you did, "Just another day." But I do hope things will improve on that front for you. You are a sweet and special lady, and don't you forget it!{{{{{hugs from wombat}}}}}} -
silverwhisper said on Apr 28, 2008....
you already know my opinion of your husband, CW, but i wish like hell that someone would smack some sense into that boy.
o, and belated happy birthday, CW! :>
ed -
MissMimi said on Apr 28, 2008....
{{{{{{{{{CDub}}}}}}}}}}}I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I know how hurtful it is. -
evil_twin said on Apr 28, 2008....
I'm sorry that your anniversary wasn't what you hoped it would be. Your husband really does have a one track mind for his farm doesn't he? I wish it had been different and that you could have had the fun getaway you wanted :-(
-evil_twin LA
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CreativeWoman said on Apr 28, 2008....
sweet cookie,
Thank you. It's really hard to find any comfort in that.
diabolic,
Thanks. He sure doesn't understand what it takes me to make me feel special. He might if I was a cow or a tractor.
CayenneMan....
You would think after 10 years, he would have more of a clue about this relationship stuff. Oh, well.
And on his farm, he had a ....
wombat,
Thank you. I had hoped for some effort from him on the 10th anniversary at least.
ed,
Thank you. And you are right on time with your birthday wish. Today is my actual birthday. My family celebrated Saturday because that's when it was most convenient for everyone.
Mimi,
Thank you. I know you understand. Thanks for the birthday post for me too. :-)
et,
He does have a one track mind for all things farm related. It's hard to put into words his change in demeanor when he gets closer to home. I should probably stop trying for the fun getaways. I'm happy when we leave and he isn't until we get back home. :-(
CW
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quietone said on Apr 28, 2008....
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} CW :( -
CreativeWoman said on Apr 28, 2008....
Thank you, quietone. (((hugs)))
CW
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biglove said on Apr 28, 2008....
{{{{{ Biglove Hug }}}}}
I'm so sorry your anniversary was so disappointing and I'm sure that didn't make your birthday great either. Chin up ;-))
BTW ~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
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Alyss said on Apr 28, 2008....
CW I can feel your disappointment and frustration. I had hoped that maybe this year would be different for you. {hugs}
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mOOn_platOOn said on Apr 28, 2008....
I suggest hunting down some World Farmers' Convention being held in an exotic city - then you could both be happy. Unless he's just insecure being away from familiar territory.PS > has he shown a particular attachment to a sheep? -
soleme said on Apr 28, 2008....
I'm sorry and truly feel your frustration.
Wishing you a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY and a HAPPY 10th Aniversary!!
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skald said on Apr 28, 2008....
That is no fun. I am sorry. Since you had hoped for some time off the farm and something different from every day. Seems to me that he just can't relax and have a good time. Probably is a workaholic. Mine is that too. He is starting to enjoy life more now. He is a good man. I don't think we have every done anything for our anniversary but that is another story Sorry CW you deserve some good time and to flourish like you say you want to. -
LtCmdrWorf1 said on Apr 28, 2008....
CW,
let me tell you a story. One day a long time ago my uncle had a barbecue at his brownstone in Brooklyn. Me and my mom were there waiting for my dad, as usual. When my dad arrived my mom went upstairs. my dad noticing that my mom was a little upset went up stairs to see what was wrong I guess, I was a child at the time. Well, my dad hadn't been upstairs for two minutes when my mom let out with a scream that sent everyone running upstairs. My uncle even grabbed a hammer.
It wasn't until years later that my mother told me what had happened. She said, "I was so frustrated with your father's lack of enthusiasm for for anything but his work that when he open his mouth, I snapped an screamed at him." I guess it had the desired effect, dad was home a little more than he had been.
So after I read you missive I was thinking, the next time he comes home and opens his mouth to say something scream at him. It worked for my mom, maybe it will work for you too. Sometimes extreme measures need to be taken, and that's not to say you haven't employed some of your own. Peace and Long Life
Love Worf
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LtCmdrWorf1 said on Apr 28, 2008....
And Happy Birthday :) Peace and Long Life
Love Worf
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CreativeWoman said on Apr 28, 2008....
biglove,
Thank you.
Alyss,
It remains the same. Thanks.
moon platoon,
I suppose that would be heaven for him.
soleme,
I'm sorry to hear that you face something similar. Thank you for the well wishes.
skald,
He is a workaholic. It's hard for him to fit me in his life sometimes.
Worf,
Thanks for the well wishes and the advice. I have tried many thinks to grab his attention over the years. It works for a while and then he forgets again. Oh, well.
CW -
queenparanoia said on Apr 28, 2008....
you deserve so much more cw... -
CreativeWoman said on Apr 29, 2008....
queen,
Sometimes I wonder. At any rate, I don't seem to have the courage to change it.
CW
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LtCmdrWorf1 said on Apr 29, 2008....
CW,
I'm sure you will get Creative as your name suggests. Please don't take this the wrong way I'm not calling you and old woman, but you strike me as old school like my grandmother. She was amazingly creative too :) Peace and Long Life
Love Worf
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skald said on Apr 29, 2008....
CW. I am sorry to hear that. I suspected it already. ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))
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CreativeWoman said on Apr 29, 2008....
Worf,
I suppose I am a little too old fashioned for my own good. No offense taken.
skald,
Thank you, dear skald.
CW
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