i pride myself on being a good communicator. that comes in part of being a writer: a certain facility for expressing oneself with words is half of communcating, after all. the other half of course is listening, at which i've often been told i'm pretty good.
some people are good at the one or the other. me, i usually like to think i'm OK at both. i attribute that to half the reason why i don't generally quarrel with the mrs--cuz of course, the other half of that is her, and she's no slouch at the listening part, anyway.
so on the odd occasion that she and i do quarrel, i find myself more surprised that it's even happening in the first place than anything else.
what's really weird though is that we usually go quite a while without one--you wouldn't believe me if i told you. but this makes the second time in an unusually short period for us.
clearly, something's up. looks like we need to talk tonight.
and of course, all of this put me in mind of a--
[wait for it!]
--poll! :D
those of you in relationships: when you do have spats, is there usually a common element or underlying cause? feel free to respond with a simple yes or no, or to elaborate if you like. obviously, in some relationships, there may be reasons why you don't want to expound upon it.
ed
silverwhisper posted on Apr 24, 2008
| views: 436
Comments
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Lady_Emma said on Apr 24, 2008....
I have found, Sir Whisper of Silver, that jealousy, fatigue, and unsatiated lust, all make for a few good spats! -
Twylarants said on Apr 24, 2008....
Yeah.
{ looking up at Lady E's answer }
But it's not any of those reasons up there.
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Lady_Emma said on Apr 24, 2008....
How about because he's a GD pain in the @#$%? lol -
Twylarants said on Apr 24, 2008....
That's one. -
Twylarants said on Apr 24, 2008....
That's one. -
Twylarants said on Apr 24, 2008....
Or two. (???) -
Lady_Emma said on Apr 24, 2008....
I always see double, Lady Twyla of Rants!It's a gift to be able to type double! -
evil_twin said on Apr 24, 2008....
We don't really have a lot of quarrels but when we do have issues that arise, yes, it's usually about the same things.
-evil_twin LA
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uniquely-ironic said on Apr 24, 2008....
yes, he's the common element. -
CreativeWoman said on Apr 24, 2008....
Frustration and hurt would top my list.
CW
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the_infernal_optimist said on Apr 24, 2008....
Yes.
~Infernal
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diabolicdame said on Apr 24, 2008....
With us its mostly when the long distance gets a bit too much and I'm missing him or feeling insecure and I just get into this crying fighting thing. I just start picking fights over silly things. Not too often but once in a while. -
Eilan said on Apr 24, 2008....
We don't have spats often, but when we do it's usually because I've lost my temper. My husband's law-enforcement training has made him pretty good at dealing with irritated people, so he can usually deal with me better than my ex could.
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vacantmind said on Apr 24, 2008....
When things get tense around the house...it is usually kid related. I'm not strict enough or we have to find a new approach to discipline. They fail to respect the rules. We disagree on allowing the situation to cool down or the severity of punishment. Its funny though...I don't really even call them spats. Maybe a slightly elevated conversation.
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queenparanoia said on Apr 24, 2008....
shit... i'm single... i can't join this discussion... =( -
MissMimi said on Apr 24, 2008....
Yes, I'd have to say it's the same issues over and over again. The particulars of the situation may be different, but the underlying issues are the same ones. We really don't fight that often. That doesn't mean there's no anger, just that we don't fight. The anger usually comes out in other ways. I'm the communicator and he either can't or won't. After a while you stop trying.
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LoriaAmnekia said on Apr 24, 2008....
Yes, most of the time it's the same issues that come up. Constantly. Lately, we've been fighting A LOT. And it's usually one of three things: 1-he doesn't think I've done enough housework while caring for our almost 3 yr old daughter, 2-I don't think he's done enough to help me with that housework that he thinks I haven't done enough of, and 3-I try to instigate something romantic, intimate, or sexual and get rejected immediately, again and again and again and again...
Yeah, it's all been the same stuff over and over and over and over and over again lately.
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lfbno7 said on Apr 24, 2008....
I find that most of our fights are when she gets really childish and objects to me tying her wrists to the chandelier and whipping her. -
Lady_Emma said on Apr 24, 2008....
Sir Lfbno of 7, you are a bad man! *hic* -
vacantmind said on Apr 24, 2008....
lfbno7...that does seem a bit childish! Why would she object?
I just don't get some people!
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lfbno7 said on Apr 24, 2008....
here here -
polarheart said on Apr 24, 2008....
I think that living life everyday and being busy, esp where children are in the family, it is easy to just be on "survival mode" and easy for the partners to forget to remember to sow all the seeds of love: Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Longsuffering etc into one another's lives.When the spats do come along. . .its a good time to take stock and "regroup" :-) -
carmachu said on Apr 24, 2008....
yes.
Lack of communication or listening. Sex....
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Mamie said on Apr 24, 2008....
yes it is usually because my husband is insisting on being an asshole. Simple like that. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 24, 2008....
emma: fatigue most especially, i've always found!
twyla: OK! :>
kyle: i'll confess i'm not particularly surprised.
u-i: [giggle]
CW: i don't think anybody who's read you at all would be surprised by that.
infernal: fair enough. :>
diabolic: ah, the long distance thing is hard, isn't it? i assure you, i can relate. :>
eilan: you know, given your online demeanor, i'm honestly surprised that you lose your temper. or perhaps i'm simply not terribly observant?
vm: i'll confess, i don't have any insights--parenting is IMHO one of those things that if you've never been one yourself, you can't say anything meaningful.
queen: but think of it this way, sis--you've got tons and tons of advice! :>
mimi: that doesn't particularly surprise me--nor should it to anyone who's read a few of your blog entries, i daresay.
loria: wow, that's a really tough one. i can't help wondering if it isn't a matter of different schedules. ?
lbf: well, that sort of thing is unavoidable! :D
polar: well said, my friend. :>
carm: i recall some of your very early blog entries alluding to that. it's hard when your partner isn't willing to be honest about what's on his (or her, to generalize it) mind, isn't it?
mamie: i'll confess, maybe it's my crappy memory, but i've never had the sense that mr. mamie's that much of a butt-head!
ed -
the_infernal_optimist said on Apr 24, 2008....
Oh, ed, I forgot to say anything earlier, but I hope that if/when you guys do have a chat, it goes well and you can stretch another really long time without any real friction. :)
~Infernal
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silverwhisper said on Apr 24, 2008....
we did talk about it, actually--thank you, infernal. :> it was actually a pretty fast discussion, happily. :>
ed -
Eilan said on Apr 24, 2008....
ed: I think you've just not been in the right place at the right time. And you're certainly not anywhere near me when I'm watching the Buckeyes, or Suckeyes, as the case might sometimes be. :D -
LoriaAmnekia said on Apr 24, 2008....
Silver, glad your talk was fast, and, by your comment, I'm guessing good? Anyways, there isn't much about my schedule that could clash with his, I'm a stay at home mommy. :) At the moment, we're just trying to figure what the problem is without causing any MORE problems. At the same time, we're trying to find some compromises. We've recently started working on a small wine collection and we intend to have one or two at-home date night's a month. Wine, dinner, a movie, after the little one goes to sleep. That's about the best we can do right now for some time to each other. I hope it works. -
LoriaAmnekia said on Apr 24, 2008....
Ah, actually, I meant to add that right now, we are enjoy a peaceful night (the little one is sound asleep) somewhat together. He's drinking strawberry daiquiri over ice and I'm enjoy a glass of mudslide mixed with chocolate milk over ice. We are watching our dvd collection of Stargate SG-1. And while I may be online, the (somewhat rare) nights like this are nice. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 24, 2008....
eilan: well, i'll confess, i don't watch college football... :>
loria: you know, i think that's a great idea, the wine thing, i mean! the mrs and i have been meaning for years to assemble a wine journal, listing all the wines that we've sampled and what we thought of 'em. sadly, that effort's been stalled for the past few years, but i always thought it's one of those things that, like investments, becomes more interesting over the years. and yes, it was good--thank you. :>
edit: loria, we're drinking too. i've been meaning to watch sg1 someday--i'm a big sci-fi geek. :> what other sci-fi shows are you particularly fond of?
ed -
Lidiaxxx said on Apr 24, 2008....
well..i know this post is for those who are in a relationship (*sigh* single people feel disadvantaged lool) But from pervious relationships..i was told im not a good listener...and i agree...i tend to day dream alot..its sort of a problem..because i look like im listening to the person....but im just fantazing about something else entirely. Oh well i have to work on it :).. You can't blame me..Pisces are dreamers ;) -
silverwhisper said on Apr 24, 2008....
i'm not big on the "blame" thing, myself. :>
i have a good friend--who i'm seeing saturday--who's similar. it isn't that you don't care--it's that you've got this voice in your head that you have to listen to. i get it. :>
ed -
LoriaAmnekia said on Apr 24, 2008....
Lidiaxxx- I have to agree with you, Pisces really are dreamers! My birthday is March 20th, right on the edge between Pisces and Ares. But I am such a total Piscean dreamer! Some days it is really hard to pull my head out of the clouds. -
MissMimi said on Apr 24, 2008....
Oh, I daresay you're right in your opinion, my friend. Unfortunately. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 24, 2008....
[hug] -
petitepapillon said on Apr 24, 2008....
The fights The Boyfriend and I used to have usually revolved around one issue. So yes.However, I have to admit, the fighting has gone down quite a bit after being together for almost two years come this May 5th. Sure, every now and then, it does go back to that one issue of not trying or that other issue of s-e-x, but those fights are few and far between now. -
CayenneMan said on Apr 25, 2008....
I'm a great guy, I listen I really never argue or raise my voice. I'll talk it out and find a reasonable solution to any problem that arises. However it seems like it always starts out as " Where do you know her from ? " , " Why did she ask you for directions I've got the map in my hands? " , " How did she know you have trouble finding shoes ? "and " If it really was a receipt why did you put it in your wallet ? " I don't let it bother me I was born this way . I'm a hunk a keeper a gift from God. What can I say . . . -
silverwhisper said on Apr 25, 2008....
petite papillon: it seems like that's pretty common, based on the other comments already. :>
cayenneman: bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
ed -
Lysander said on Apr 25, 2008....
B and I rarely fight. We do get frustrated with each other, but really, we don't fight about much. We talk about stuff, and there are very common themes to them all. After 15 years, we know what to avoid, but as the old saying goes, "Familiarity breeds contempt". There are things that he does that drives me crazy, and there are things I am sure I do that drive him crazy too. I have noticed that my annoyance fuse keeps lowering as we go along for the common threads that make us crazy. -
Mamie said on Apr 25, 2008....
um, well you are right, he is only a minor butthead, not a major one. I guess i am lucky? :)) -
silverwhisper said on Apr 26, 2008....
lys: i've noticed the same in my own relationship, to be honest. turns out that we were actually spending a little too much time together. i have a plan re: that now. :>
mamie: knowing what i do about you, i feel quite confident in saying that he's the lucky one. :>
ed -
JoyousLoving said on Apr 26, 2008....
We don't fight much. Only about 2 times since we've been together. Not even arguements. But they were both about essentially the same thing. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 26, 2008....
hey there, JL! yeah, the mrs and i fight very, very infrequently too. :>
ed
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