Rather than getting closer to people here (on soulcast), I feel like I'm drifting away. It's not just on line either. I just feel more and more disconnected from life in general, and people in particular. I never should have come to the city. It's too big and impersonal. More and more transients are moving into the alleys. It seems like the dumpsters get searched 10 times a day. Graffiti covered over reappears a few weeks later or even sooner sometimes. School needs to start. The neighborhood kids are having more squabbles. They don't seem to have any parents. The wooden fence behind me gets broken down every few weeks, no matter how many times it is rebuilt. It borders a vacant lot. I have no idea why someone would want to go in there anyway. It's just a fenced off vacant lot with weeds and a few palm trees. Maybe it's their way of raging against the machine. I often wonder why the owner of the fence doesn't just put up a hidden camera and catch the culprits before spending money on building a new fence.
My health declines whenever I am too far from nature. Sometimes I feel like I have to choose between my health and being with my boyfriend. He is hellbent on staying in S. Calif. He may have to stay here without me. I'm losing it.



