So, as I said, I am into Marking.
I love being bitten, scratched, bruised, and as I have recently discovered, cut.
The thoughts behind the marks, on my part at least, is that they are a sign of ownership. They are a sign of my commitment. They are a reminder. The pain that I suffer while being marked is a gift to the person I am allowing to mark me, and a small symbol of my desire to please. A way for me to show that I am willing to do what is required of me.
My marking has historically been restricted to bite and scratch marks, with the occasional bruise. This weekend, after my boyfriend had discovered that I had been playing with my new pocket knife (nothing serious, just a few scratches), asked me to mark myself infront of him. Of course, I did, I sliced my thigh, while he watched. He watched me prepare, clean the knife, clean my skin, hold the skin taught, slice the skin, and then care for my bleeding wound.
He then asked if I would let him cut me. I have only once let another Dominant person who was my boyfriend cut me, and as a result I have a small scar that runs from the inside of my elbow to my wrist. Due to this scar, I had not let another cut me since. Of course, I was scared that I would end up with another scar, but knowing that my boyfriend was aware of these fears, and knew of my feelings in relation to scarification, I said yes.
I lay on my stomach, and he recleaned the knife, just as I had. He cleaned the skin on my shoulder, just as I had the skin on my thigh. He sliced my shoulder. He cleaned the wound, and applied pressure until the bleeding had stopped.
He told me to lay in my spot (with my head on his chest, curled up at his side), and he held me.
He has maked me before, I, most weekends, have bite marks, and or, scratch marks down my back. A cut, in reality, is no different from these other forms of marking, do I feel that this was such a land mark action because of my fear, related to past experiences?
I find comfort in my new mark. Though, I am not officially owned, I feel, to some extent, owned. I feel as though I belong to someone, and it's someone that I adore. I feel content, and, unusually for me, secure.
I also find confusion. We have not been together for a long period of time. I hope that this is everything that I feel it is.
/end rant
<3
jezz
