My brother and his family are in town for a visit.
Jiggy is already there at their place. They expect me to join them for an early dinner. I can't blame them.
They don't really know what I feel at this very moment.
No one really knows what my heart feels at this very moment.
It's 3:09 p.m. here. A thick fog has come in, hugging the hills. The low clouds are heavy with afternoon rain.
Memories of my mountain climb linger in my mind. I want to go. I don't want to go. I want to return there. I want to go back here. I want to go somewhere else.
Alone here in an empty house, I play this song again and again.
Somehow, it says lots of what I want to say to you, on this foggy, cloudy, gloomy Sunday afternoon.
moonriver posted on Apr 20, 2008
| views: 433
Comments
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diabolicdame said on Apr 20, 2008....
Oh moon.... -
polarheart said on Apr 20, 2008....
Moon, I know what it feels like to have all the those emotions at the same time. . .somehow they seem to conflict, and somehow they dont. I haven't heard that song in the longest time and it explains everything perfectly.You are an old soul, Moon, and a dear soul. Most would not understand your perplexity (if I may), but I think I understand a little bit.((((hugs)))
Polar -
wishyouwerehere said on Apr 20, 2008....
Moon - it's foggy here today also - both literally and figuratively. The great thing about fog and clouds are that they are impermanent and the sun is really never that far away, even though it may seem dark and dreary.Sometimes, the outward gloom sends us inward to find our own light. Your light is clearly evident through your beautiful posts. I hope it warms you in the midst of the clouds and fog and helps you find your way back up the mountain. -
quietone said on Apr 20, 2008....
awe moon, there is always sun on the other side of those clouds and fog.. it always manages to clear and our way is much brighter... be still and know {{{{hugs}}} my friend. I also enjoyed the song I have not heard in years... thank you. -
gingersoul said on Apr 20, 2008....
Moon......the clouds will always been in the sky. Maybe in different shapes, maybe obscuring the sun one day, maybe running away from your horizon or playing tricks with your eyes during still another day .
But they will always be there. I am hugging you. {{hugs}}
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the_infernal_optimist said on Apr 20, 2008....
I think I catch a glimpse here and there of what's inside that werewolf heart...((hugs))
When everything is empty and overfull by turns and even in the same moment, when dreams are so real and just wisps of fog when your hands snatch at them...when you can't go and you can't stay, and every moment is a test of breathing, stretched between two great loves...you are wild and gentle and enduring. I don't know how to say what I want to say, but I think I have at least a rough sketch of this shifting picture, that restless wanderer home and never home.
~Infernal
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anonymous said on Apr 20, 2008....
I hear your words pass my lipsYour phrases that have become mineApart of you has become meBecause of the thoughts of you in my mindA smile plays upon my faceWhen i hear the words that i sayIt's like having a part of youWith me every minute of the dayYours truly, -
skald said on Apr 20, 2008....
Been thinking of you. I think it is full moon. -
anonymous said on Apr 20, 2008....
Will you take my hand and let me help you across this cloudy, gloomy day? Please? Your words always tug at my heart. -
insomniakillsme said on Apr 20, 2008....
Hmm,so you have met my friend? ..The fog..oh yes..shes hard to get rid of isn't she? This feeling she brings with her..we have no power to control her..she comes and goes as she wants. But the trick is...sometimes you need to see beyond the fog...beyond the gloomy cloudy day..but when you acheive that..Let me know...because i am still trying to figure it out.
:)
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diabolicdame said on Apr 20, 2008....
You know its all sunny and bright here today. Theres more sunlight than I need.. so I've asked some to go to you instead. Let me know when it gets there ok? :-) -
unlovednostalgia said on Apr 20, 2008....
moonriver---???? i wanna talk 2 youcan i?? -
unlovednostalgia said on Apr 20, 2008....
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Lucytorial said on Apr 20, 2008....
moonriver, it would indeed be very pleasant to knock on your door with my hiking boots on, smile and grab your hand and say "lets walk?" with a scarf wrapped around my neck, a heavy parka on, and rosy cheeks!
Alas I cannot but the gesture is heart felt, I hope the emotional fog lifts moon.
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queenparanoia said on Apr 21, 2008....
i love this song....anyway...{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} -
moonriver said on Apr 21, 2008....
Hi everyone, thank you all for your kind comments and hugs.
This uneasy, wistful, empty feeling comes and goes. It doesn't hit me too hard, and doesn't linger too long to hamper my daily routines. It has just enough power to stop me in mid-thought, for me to pause for a few minutes, to think beyond the moment, and to try and get a deeper sense of where I am, what I need.
(I'm over-analyzing myself again...)
ddame -- It was sunny this morning. I guess the extra sunshine came from your part of the world. But then again, a strong downpour this afternoon. Please send a stronger dose of sunshine...
polar, quietone -- I'm glad you both understood what I was trying to convey. From one presumably old soul to two others. Both sides now is one of my old-time favorites, and singer Hayley Westenra certainly captured the feeling underlying the song...
wishyou -- I liked the way you phrased it: "Sometimes, the outward gloom sends us inward to find our own light..." I hope this happens more often.
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diabolicdame said on Apr 21, 2008....
I shall do that! I've got sunshine on my speed dial! :-) -
moonriver said on Apr 21, 2008....
ginger -- I know your fascination for clouds, my friend. You enjoy spectacular clouds, and you're no stranger to dark brooding clouds either. Like the song said, we look at clouds from both sides now, from up and down... Thank you for the warm hug.
infernal -- You are always so poetic in your comments, my friend. I particularly liked the description, "that restless wanderer home and never home." I have an unfinished poem that has echoes of your phrasing. Thanks for the warm hug.
anon1 -- I liked your poem, and I think I can easily guess who you are... Thank you. Your poetic comment warmed my heart and helped dissipate the fog.
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moonriver said on Apr 21, 2008....
skald -- Thank you for your nice thoughts, my friend. Yes, the full moon was bright for the past few nights, and actually cheered me up compared to the dreary afternoons.
anon2 -- Thank you for your offer. Hands and hearts... I hope my blog tugged in the right direction... :-)
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moonriver said on Apr 21, 2008....
insomnia girl -- Sometimes it's a nice feeling to just lose yourself in the thick fog, knowing that it will sooner or later dissipate. But yes, at other times we need foglights and a compass. Thanks for dropping by. :-)
nostalgia girl -- You and I can talk anytime about anything... just give it some time. Thanks for dropping by. :-)
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moonriver said on Apr 21, 2008....
lucy -- You paint a very comforting scene, my friend. It's always nice to go for a walk among the woods, even in thick fog. You don't happen to be wearing a red riding hood and carrying a basket for your grandma, do you? ((tries to hide werewolf fang from lucy's view))
queenie -- Joni Mitchell, Judy Collins, Hayley Westenra... I like the way each of them sang this song. Ummppphhhh.... that hug was a bit too tight. Let me breath for a while, ok? :-)
ddame -- "sunshine on speed dial" ... lol! hope to catch lots of it tomorrow :-)
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Lucytorial said on Apr 21, 2008....
tee he heee no I have yellow pig tails and leider hausen on...
I love to take long walks in the bush, its calming and emotionally releasing, not a distraction, in a way the woods/bush gently brush away any emotional worry or fear. It invigorates immensely.
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hotaka said on Apr 22, 2008....
I have been there too. Family duty calls but in your heart you want to be back where your spirit can soar. Whenever I pass any high peaks I always look up and think that I'd rather be up there. You have to go again. Two more weeks and then I will be gone for four days. I'll tell you how it all went once I'm back. -
moonriver said on Apr 29, 2008....
lucy -- Yellow pigtails. Hmm. Don't give me bad ideas, lady. I'm in a bad mood already as it is. Grrr. Lol.
hotaka -- Yeah, I can imagine. Two weeks to go, huh? Pics, dude, pics. And a nice long detailed blog to go with the pics. I hope everything's going fine with you and wife and womb-churning baby.
to no one in particular --
It's been a rainy Tuesday, and Jigs is with his mother.
I've been working whole day alternately between "real work" (what I'm paid or professionally committed to do) and "my work" (what I want to do). Job applications galore. Budgets to balance. Hell on earth haha.
I want to blog but I can't push myself. I want to call and talk to a friend, but shit, no one answers. Emails are the worst. They're next to useless, IMO. Ok, I stand corrected. I got a nice email from Micaela, an old friend.
Even this rant is useless. Hence, end of rant. I've played this sappy music much too long already. I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed.
Tomorrow's gonna be another long working day. Gotta start it right. Good night.
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