• sweet_rose said on Apr 20, 2008....

  I guess now comes the sticky part. Does hubby still care enough to confront D?
   
  It is so much easier to blame the other spouse when a marriage goes in the crapper. My ex-hubby blamed me 100%. Then I thought about it and something accured to me. We were both unhappy, I was just the first to do anything about. He was the coward to have let things be. I did start an affair, but I started it because I just couldn't take being alone any more.
   
  "But that doesn't really justify everything I've done, does it?" 
   
  Do you really need to be justified at this point? Are you sorry for what you've done, or sorry for hubby finding out? Will hubby step up to the plate and try and fugure out why you went to D? I know the relationship with D was a long time in the making. But if your relationship with hubby was strong would you have fought it. Or better yet would D have aproached you again? That is something to thinking about. :-)
   
  We can't go back, but we sure as hell can work on moving forward. :-)
   
  rose
   
   

• pusscat said on Apr 20, 2008....

  Hello His SunShine - I must admit I was going to PM you today as I Was getting more than a little worried.  Although you are not in a very ahppy place at the moment I'm glad you decided to post.
   
  When 2 people are dancing it can't just be one partner's fault if they are no good.  If I don't do my job well it is not just my fault.  My line manager is also repsonsible if I cannot do the tasks to my best ability.  There are 2 people in a marriage to help it work.  When was the last time your husband asked you if you were happy?  When he last ask you if there was something you would like to do together?  It is absolutely down to him if he wants to bury his head and be in denial.  Now he knows the score it's easier for him to blame you than look deep down at himself.
   
  It took my hubby a long time to admit that he too was at fault at the state of our marriage and understand why I 'went looking' for something else.  I know we are different as we do love each other and he is the man I want as my Dom, but plesae don't let him blaming you change you girl.  You love D, period.  As for his wife?. . . . I believe she knows.  Many spouses pretend nothing is wrong as she doesn't truly want to hear the words.  She wants to keep D and believes by saying nothing she can do that.  Many wives actually live quite happily with that.  That will have to be D's choice alone.
   
  For your relationship to have spanned 20 years tells me that it will never end.  IT can't.  You are meant to be together, hard though it will be, but hey - some things really are worth the battle.  If it takes B and I 5 years to get the life we want, it will still have been worth it.  A wonderful Welsh sub I know, Jan, spent 20 years not being able to be with her true love, her Dom, but their battle over now, they are getting married and have a wonderful life.  It was worth the battle for them.  Hang in there my friend. 
   
  All my love  pc

• sweet_release said on Apr 26, 2008....

  Too close to home for me to comment on. i feel for you. There was no physical affair for my ex, it was an emotional one, hurt way more. It's a lot easier to think that your man would go elsewhere for sex, than it is that he  would look for comfort. Good luck with it. There is no need to blame for either party. That any marriage is in a bad state is crushing enough for both of you. For better or worse??? Hah! i won't be falling for that chestnut again. 

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