A patient that I saw today told me that she buried her husband yesterday. My heart ached for her loss and my own, in the future. There being a 24 year difference in our ages will severely shorten my relationship with Jon. Someday, more than likely, I will be in the position of making funeral arrangements for the man I love with my whole heart. The thought literally takes my breath away. 99.9% of the time I live day to day and just enjoy our time together, living to fullest extent possible. But times like today happen every so often.
I knew getting into this relationship that there would be future restrictions pertaining to the age difference, but by that time it was far too late. I was so much in love with him so fast. It scares me to think of that time when I will be grieving for Jon, how my heart will be broken, how lost I will feel. I would never in a million years give up what we have in order to save myself the pain of losing him.
But it does make me feel like we need to hurry through the serious, crappy stuff so we can enjoy our time together and experience life the best way possible: with each other and doing what we love. This is one of the reasons us working two different shifts is so difficult. An hour or two everyday is no where near enough.
