Hi everybody,
I’m hoping to open up a little bit of discussion and get some comments in with this blog, as I ask a question of the bdsm community, or just any generally interested parties.
Sex in a bdsm / D/s relationship – does it always have to be D/s sex?
I’m asking this as a genuine question (or series of questions) to find out what others in D/s relationships think? Is sex always “a scene”? Are you always the submissive during sex? Is bdsm sex always preferred to regular sex? Do you wish that more of your sexual activities had bdsm inclinations? Can you turn off the submissive (or dominant) side of you and enjoy regular vanilla sex with no bdsm connotations?
This topic isn’t just open to bdsm participators – if you have a thought on this topic, please chime in.
My thoughts first… for me, my experiences and current situation show me that there are quite a few different general sex types.
We could have “scene sex” – a set scene where we know our roles within the experience. This is the type where more toys and bondage type paraphanalia are most likely used.
Or we could have D/s sex – no scene or premise, but it is clearly geared towards him using me and my body as he sees fit, probably less toys and equipment used, it’s more the mentality that He is the Master and I am the submissive.
Or we could just have regular sex, “make love” if you will. Nothing else to it other than enjoying each others company, and bodies, for mutual pleasure and satisfaction. Strangely enough, I often take much more of a lead role in this type of sex, despite being the submissive in general, and in other sex types. I’ve actually often been seen as an aggressive and forward sexual partner, especially when in past relationships that have been away from the bdsm / D/s realm.
Of the three above, Scene Sex is what it is, it doesn’t ever really develop directly into anything else, although can be followed or preluded by something else. Such as recently we had some very scene derived sex. I had on a leather collar that is connected to wrist cuffs behind my back, disabling me somewhat. This was coupled with a ball gag and heavy butt plug usage leading up to some amazing anal sex that bordered on the pleasure/pain divide. Afterwards He held me in His arms, we cuddled, we shared the tender moments, and then we made love. Very tender and gentle love-making, with me taking the more active leading role. I guess it could also be considered his treat to me after I had been so good and obedient before.
However, from my experience, D/s sex, and Regular sex are compatible and interchangeable. We’ve often started out having D/s sex, where I am being somewhat “used” and am fully aware of it, but then somewhere half way through it will turn into mad, passionate love-making, with no gearing towards any one of us in particular. Just equals. Naked, sweaty, sex-crazed equals! Lol
And it can happen the other way as well, where something that starts out as regular sex somewhere along the line turns into D/s sex, becoming less gentle and sweet, and becoming more furious and dominant.
Which do I prefer? I couldn’t pick – after living this life I would feel incomplete if any one part of it was no longer there. It’s great to never really know what you are going to get, living a sex-life full of surprises. It’s great, I love it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
So what are your thoughts and experiences about the divides between vanilla sex and bdsm sex? Do you have a distinct split between the two, or do you only partake in the one type? Which kind do you prefer, or which would you like to have more of or less of?
The forum is now yours – lets hear from you. :-)
Blog comments, private messages, or private e-mails to blogslut13@yahoo.co.uk (if you don't want to speak in the public domain) all welcome. :-)
Take care, and have fun.
Blogslut xxx
