Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Respite
A single night and day without a man forcing his will over mine.
That was yesterday. How pleasant.
How rare.
How worthless. I'm so programmed to obedience I did as commanded anyway.
Pathetic and weak, I'm a sorry excuse for a woman.
But that is okay. Most of them are. Just makes me average. Which is better than some. At least I'm not stupid. Usually.
Almost thirty six hours without being groped or forced into sexual performance. But that will be made up for soon. He will get back and lay it on double thick.
No matter if I say no. No matter if I say I don't like being grabbed and groped. In spite of it...because of it.
No means yes after all...right? It's a challenge. A wall to be climbed.
Men do love a challenge.
The fucking idiots.
That was yesterday. How pleasant.
How rare.
How worthless. I'm so programmed to obedience I did as commanded anyway.
Pathetic and weak, I'm a sorry excuse for a woman.
But that is okay. Most of them are. Just makes me average. Which is better than some. At least I'm not stupid. Usually.
Almost thirty six hours without being groped or forced into sexual performance. But that will be made up for soon. He will get back and lay it on double thick.
No matter if I say no. No matter if I say I don't like being grabbed and groped. In spite of it...because of it.
No means yes after all...right? It's a challenge. A wall to be climbed.
Men do love a challenge.
The fucking idiots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know this is hard to believe, but I was very angry then.
This was written little over a month before I left my third husband. Three years have shown a lot of healing I think. I don't hate all men any more. I'm not angry all the time anymore. I can finally view sex as something fun and enjoyable in which I have a choice.
Not bad. A lot of the abused never find this grace.
I am a fortunate woman.
