• Fallyn said on Apr 07, 2008....

  *sigh* try not to be mad at her....she's mad at herself enough for both of you.
  i can't imagine how humiliating she must be.
  and he broke up with her because of the picture?
  not enough on top or what??? *sigh*
  kids can be so so cruel.
  was it just something the girls were doing screwing around?
  or did they take it on purpose for her boyfriend?
  kids really suck.
  

• MissMimi said on Apr 07, 2008....

  This is a very very hard lesson learned.  I am so sorry that your daughter has been humiliated like that.  Who knows why kids do what they do?  The concept of consequences is foreign to them. 
   
  I agree with Fallyn.  As angry and disappointed as you must be with her, I think it's pretty important now to be her unconditional support.  My heart is breaking for both of you.
   
  It may not do much to undo the damage, but I would consider talking to this boy's parents.  If he were mine, I would want to know what he did.  It's inexcusable to have passed it around to all his friends.  Makes me think he needs a good ass-kicking.

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Apr 07, 2008....

  
  Dear vacantmind,
  
  I´m PBW, please call me paper.  I have not interacted with you until now, but have read your blogs and comments around.
  
  I am compelled to leave a comment (I am a mom too  - 3 girls ages 8, 5 and 5 months old) although I am a bit hesitant because I read your kids are a lot older than mine, and you have much more experience in rearing.
  
  But I was also a daughter not in a similar situation but I know the feeling of humiliation in public.  My friends and I wrote letters to boys professing our love, and my mom read it - she found it in my school bag ( you see peer pressure, I wrote it but never sent it ). She went to school (I was 11 in the 6th grade) and talked to my class advisor, who then rounded up my friends.  I was shunned by the group. I felt terribly lonely.  In the end, it was for the best because that clique was a popular one but  was not such a good influence on me.  I, later on was embraced by "geeky" friends and I treasure their friendship until now. 
  
  I am sorry for rambling; it pales to the situation of your daughter but I just want to give you a background, so you will know a bit of where I´m coming from.
  
  I know, how it feels when you wish you could change things.  And I have learned many times, since then, something good always comes out from a bad situation.
  
  Now, I am going to write something maybe a bit if not totally ludicrous. . .
  
  . . .my humble apologies if I am out of bounds. . .
  
  I think sense of humour and understanding will be the salve to help her heal rapidly.
  
  The school will be a hell hole for her now, but let the home be her haven. . .
  
  I remember this blog of yours - Art or Nudity, which inspired me and gave me courage to ramble on like this;  as a matter of fact it is your most popular post!
  
  Why not tell her (or show her a copy of this blog?without usernames???), you understand completely that she must´ve have wanted to express her love to him through this token. . .you recognize it as an Art for love. . .and it is a shame that the boy did not appreciate it as it was meant (grrr, although I would really like to pound the head of that stupid male specie!This will haunt him too when time comes - karma, I say!). . .I know it seems so daft. . .but us being moms, we could sell this to our daughters for the sake of lessening their pain.
  
  There is enough judgement (daughter will be the hardest on herself anyway!) out there. . .we should provide comfort. . .
  
  So, if her peers ever tease her with it (which I hope not, and I don´t think so) she could always say (at your suggestion), it was her attempt at pop art, the pic´s title: pride of puberty!. . .it was a raw version, and she wished she had warholized it . . .lucky those who have it now but without her signiture, it wouldn´t be much in the future!
  
  Maybe you could think of something else, that is what came to me over the cries of my baby : /
   
  She knows that you told her not to give pictures, and you know that too. . . but it it already happened - romanticizing it a bit will not hurt now. . .and I think she will appreciate the effort.  Aren´t teen-agers still romantic?
  
  I wished my mom had a sense of humour 25 years ago. . .and I wish, I will have some when situations call for it in regards to rearing and lending my daughter moral support.
  
  Warmest regards,
  
  paper ~
  
  p.s. sorry  : ( ...i´m kinda prone to monumental comments when i get emotional about what i read
  
  p.s.s.  i cancelled editing and read MissMimi´s comment. . .wise words!
  
  
  
  
  

• Mamie said on Apr 07, 2008....

  I agree with what has been said already and just want to add my support. Ugh! Don't beat yourself up...kids make mistakes and it will be something you will all laugh aboutin the years ahead! I like the idea of making it a humorous thing somehow...it may help your daughter to manage the humiliation some. Good luck, girlie, being a mom is never easy. Mamie

• secretlife said on Apr 07, 2008....

  oh boy, such a hard lesson to learn.
  the right thing is to send her to school to face this humiliation although it seems like something almost cruel, this is really the way she will learn the repurcussion of her actions. 
  if only there was an easy way to grow up.
   

• hottips4u said on Apr 07, 2008....

  You may not agree with my suggestion, but you better find an investigator before a picture of a minor (considered kiddy porn) finds its way into the hands of the police and they have to come hunting you and your daughter up to get some answers.
  
  Sorry, but thats how it works, if that picture makes it way to law enforcement before you do...I am afraid your family is in for a long hard to convince otherwise ride.
  
  Thats why I say...do not ignore these things....do not disregard the consequences of shielding your eyes, covering your mouth or plugging you ears...
  
  The results of such folly can be devastatingly cruel to an entire family unit.
  
  Young girls make errors, strong parents make obvious corrections....call the law, before someone  (another adult) calls them "on you"..I suffered that as a member here one time.....do not hesitate...pick up the phone!
  
  Jessi.
  
  
  
  

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Fallyn...it started as the girls screwing around and then she thought she would just go ahead and send it to him. She is a small girl on top, small girl all around. Just a tiny little thing for her age.

  MissMimi... I thought about talking to his mom but she and I don't really get along. Her daughter came to my house with a broken arm. Her mother refused to take her to the ER because they didn't have insurance. So, I took the girl home and offered to pay for the visit. The mother yelled and screamed at how she could take care of her daughter. A day later and the girl still hadn't gone, so I called the police. Now, I try to stay clear of her.

  Paper...You are right she is already being hard on herself. And she takes alot after me...she carries a camera at all times. She is a little photo nut and expresses herself that way. It is very hard for me to parent without humor. I honestly believe that we have to make mistakes to learn. I think I was frustrated more than anything last night because she was just hurting so much. We did sit together and write a song last night that made her laugh. Today, I hope that the kids at school don't hurt her too much.

  Mamie...I agree being a mom is never easy. I hope to be able to find some humor in her day today. Something to give her a little giggle. I usually do. Its hard for me not to laugh about the stupid things we do.

  secretlife...I did send her off to school this morning. Tears and all. It was really hard but you are right. She needs to understand that her actions set this into play. Maybe she will think things through in the future and avoid this type of thing. I still feel bad for her.

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Jessi..Thank you. I did call the authorities and notified the school this morning. My daughter got a strong lecture from the lady cop. My daughter wasn't real happy that I called but it was the only way I could get someone to talk to the boy about distributing it.

  The school was "o...well that happens all the time." They confiscate phones everyday because of pornographic pictures. So, hopefully they will be able to minimize the distribution of this.

• hottips4u said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Not interfering, honestly.  I hope a call to the prosecutors office next if that picture finds its way to the net....they will be selling her on line by the likes of some we share space with here no doubt. 
  
  Sorry it happened, but could have been far worst....I feel for you as a Mom, and for her having been young myself w/ errors in my own life to draw upon.  I respect you so much more as a person, a Mom and for being not one of those like so many here who simply bury their heads and see nothing.
  
  Best wishes Mom & Daughter.
  
  Jessi.
  

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Jessi..you know if that picture makes its way on the net. I will spend alot of time on the hunt and kill. Grr!!! I hate to even think of it! Though I know that it is likely.

  Thanx!

• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Yikes!!  What a tough lesson to learn.  I'm sure she's in a lot of pain.  That's one of the pit falls of being young.  You tend to make bad decisions. 
   
  I think it might be best to push the idea of moving past this.  I'm sure the kids at school will give her crap, but she needs to just move past it and not pay attention to the razzing.  It only encourages that type of person.
   
  I'd bet in the future this will be a lesson in privacy that she's not remotely tempted to do again. 

• dailyachesandpains said on Apr 07, 2008....

  I really owe you a lot of thanks for posting this.  While I sit here and warn Little D. of people that can steal her and what she needs to do when that happens, I never thought about adding this to the list.  Of couse I've gone over the "NO TOUCH" talk with her, but now, I have to think about the "NO PICTURES" talk too!
   
  I totally feel for you, as a mom myself.  With new inventions in sharing over phones and internet, etc. us Mom's have to keep adding to the list of "talks" to have.  This stuff wasn't around while we were growing up.  We never got that talk.  It's easy to understand why you missed it...I would have too!  I totally feel for your daughter as well.  Kids are SO mean, much worse than when I was growing up and trust me, they were mean then too!  I hope that boy had the shit scared right out of him when he was talked to, and any other person that got the picture and heard that HE was spoken to by a higher authority.  I would hug you and your daughter if I could.  I'm so sorry this happened.
   
  Daily

• soleme said on Apr 07, 2008....

  I'm sending both of you TIGHT, I CAN'T BREATH HUGS!!!!!!

  I'm so sorry this happened. Hopefully it will be done and over with at school in a couple of days. I have a nine year old daughter and the conversation topics she cames home with from school are shocking. 

• Fallyn said on Apr 07, 2008....

  i hope she did okay at school today, i can just feel how much pain she is in. humiliation is the worst of childhood memories for me.

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  u-i...I made plenty of stupid mistakes as a kid myself. I am hoping that we can just move past this..quickly.
   
  daily...Your welcome, I didn't think to discuss this with my own kids. I wish I had thought of it but, with cell phones it is almost impossible to know everything they send out to their friends.
   
  soleme..I am hoping that it is done with relatively quickly. I know the topics my kids heard at school were very graphic. I was really shocked when they were in elementary school. Now, my girls are in High school and my boys in Jr. High. I expect to hear anything and everything.

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Fallyn...I am waiting for her arrival. I am anxious to see how her day went.

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Apr 07, 2008....

   
  Dearest vacantmind,
   
  I am so glad she had a laugh last night!!!  I am sure it fortified her for today : ) .
   
  (((warmest hugs)))
   
  paper ~
   
  P.S.
   
  I am oh so curious what song the both of you composed. . . :D but that is your special song. . .
   
  My curiousity would be satiated though with a composed song that you could share here. . .I will be on the look out for it in the future!
   
   
   

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  well, the good news. Nobody really said anything about the picture! She had a relatively normal day..you know the normal he said-she said of high school!

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Apr 07, 2008....

  
  Triple yay!
  
  : )
  
  paper ~
  
  
  

• diabolicdame said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Hi vacantmind.. I'm so sorry for what your daughter went through! It must been such a rude shock to her.. he broke her heart and broke her trust! I have a 15 year old sister and I know how this must feel for you. I would have wanted to wring the boy's neck too! So many times when she is having trouble with a bitchy girlfriend, I feel like stepping in.. I only barely manage not to. And thats because they have to learn their own lessons. Don't be so hard on yourself. What happened was terrible but you cannot protect your child from everything. You cannot teach them everything. They must make their own mistakes. I'm glad to hear that she had a normal day at school and most probably this will be history soon. Right now it seems pretty big but a little while later it wont even matter! We've all done stupid and humiliating things as a kid.. Though I do feel very angry with the boy! And I think a few years from now, if he grows out of being a jerk.. he'll be the one humiliated by his actions!
  Take care... :-)
  

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Apr 07, 2008....

  
  Oooh, beautiful lyrics!
  
  I searched for the song to be able to "sing over" the words to the melody. . .
  
  I have said this often, but SC friends have introduced me to singers I would not have found on my own. . .
  
  Thanks vacantmind!
  
  
  
  
  
  : )
  
  humming
  
  paper ~
  
  
  
  

• Battycat said on Apr 07, 2008....

  That's awful, poor girl, I feel so sorry for her. I'm sending you both a hug.

• starchini said on Apr 07, 2008....

  wow, that is just so crappy.  Poor girl...

• Lucytorial said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Vacant, is there a chance of talking to the girls and their parents where this happened? then contacting the boys parents, a pow wow to scare the shit out of them about what they have done... I would contact the parents of the friends.  Make it known its not the way you conduct yourself or friendships in this society.
  
  I'm sorry she got hurt.
  

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Paper...I am glad you liked it.

  Battycat...Thank You

  starchini...I have to agree

  Lucy..I did talk to the girls mother...her and I are really close. She has a rebellious teenager much like my oldest is with me. So, we relate well. She laid into her daughter about the situation. Because her daughter took photos of herself as well and they were a bit more revealing.  I think I have gone as far as I can at this point hopefully it will just fade into the past.

• Fallyn said on Apr 07, 2008....

  hopefully, i'm glad no one at school made a big deal of it....that they are out there is difficult enough....let alone it being a HUGE issue at school.
  i'm glad she had a pretty normal day.
  

• HoleInTheCosmos said on Apr 07, 2008....

  She should consider the possibility that this could work to her advantage. Her attitude should be one of self-pride, with the assumption that she's hot and desirable and has done what a lot of girls would secretly love to do but are too chicken to do, that is post pictures of their brand new breasts! So what? Toplessness is acceptable in most of the world and even though you can look, you can't touch. And guess what? They're not even fully developed yet! That's right boys, this is just a preview of coming attractions. But respect is the ticket price for full admission. Besides, how many high school students will have offers from Playboy and Hustler waiting for them when they graduate? Talk about scholarships! In other words, refuse to accept humiliation - take the ball and make the game your own. BEWARE, however: of going from one extreme to the other. This could backfire and become the road to webcam careersville. Maintain your dignity!!!

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  diabolicdame...

• vacantmind said on Apr 07, 2008....

  Okay, I am having issues today...so I am going to stay off for the rest of the day.

  But, thank you all for your comments. I do appreciate them.

• queenparanoia said on Apr 12, 2008....

  ohmygod i would have ring their neck too!!! well i hope yoreu daughter learned her lesson... and you know were human and we make mistakes... and we laerned from those mistakes... tell your daughter to be strong... okay???

• vacantmind said on Apr 13, 2008....

  queenparanoia...luckily this passed over rather quickly and hopefully it is gone for good.

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