I tried to cancel my online dating memberships, but couldn't figure out how. Can I give up? I'm so discouraged by what's out there, or rather what's not out there -- available nice, decent men interested in something more than a casual one time or sometime roll in the hay.
This latest sentiment also feels like part and parcel of my being a magnet for a lot of negative crap lately.
I had a first date lined up for this Saturday night with a man I met on one of the major dating sites that advertises a proprietary fool-proof matching system based on personality tests. We've been talking for several weeks now, seemed nice, and all was set., I called to confirm only to find out he's running out of town with another woman he says is a good friend. Whether or not he was going to bother to cancel our date I can't be sure.
Then, a guy I went out with a few months ago contacted me after just as long of an absence of communication.
That date at first was very pleasant. A brief drink of a shared spirit, a walk on a private beach under the moonlight. Then, off to dinner.
He'd been working long hours in the medical profession on several grave yard shifts in a row, and was to have napped prior to my arrival, but apparently didn't get the chance. By the time we reached dinner, he was behaving oddly.
Mind you, he didn't act like he was tired, or what I would have expected: yawning, eyes drooping, that sort of thing. Instead, he wouldn't make eye contact, could barely carry on a conversation, and seemed particularly pissy. We left the restaurant and immediately went back to his place. We walked through the door, and without even turning on the lights, he moved quickly down the hallway and passed through some unknown doorway without saying a word.
It took me a few minutes to realize it was a restroom. I needed his facilities as well, and waited patiently for him to finish. I stumbled around looking for a light, but wasn't successful in time for his departure from the restroom. I made quick work of moving toward the light emanating from it, took care of business only to depart in total darkness again. I called out to him expecting some semblance of courtesy.
Silence.
I tried again, and this time he called out to me to follow his voice, which of course led me straight to his bedroom.
I knew he must be tired, and I had planned to let him kiss me goodnight, which then led to his intent for more, but I politely pulled away and told him I was going home, expecting him to get up and see me to the door, especially considering it was still pitch black in his apartment. I couldn't even find my keys in the dark.
I finally found the door, and I guess the noises gave away my location in the darkness, because I then heard him yell -- from the bedroom -- "can you lock the door when you leave?"
I was seething, but I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He had just worked a double graveyard shift and hadn't slept much. I tried to chalk it up to exhaustion. He never called.
Earlier today, he sent me an offline instant message inviting me to "come down" and visit. Surprised to hear from him after all that time, I replied tentatively, making some joke. He responded back again inviting me to visit. I told him I would if he promised not to fall asleep on me again in the restaurant. His reply, "No, silly, you'll be in the bedroom with me."
I just don't get it! Either I have numerous rejections (I'm full-figured but very attractive), or I get slime.
The one man I'm dating with any regularity lives more than an hour away and, although very sweet and fun, has discussed with me that he's not in a place in his life right now for anything serious.
I just give up.
PassionTraveler posted on Apr 05, 2008
| views: 382
Comments
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Fallyn said on Apr 05, 2008....
*nods*it's confusing and frustrating that's for damn sure. -
evil_twin said on Apr 05, 2008....
That guy sounds like a real idiot to me. Practically falling asleep at dinner and then stumbling into his apartment without even turning lights on? And then he just expected you to jump in bed with him?! My mind is boggled.
I'm a man, yet I have a hard time understanding men like this. I guess because they're just so far removed from me and what I'm like. I'm really sorry that you're having no luck finding a decent guy though :-(
-evil_twin LA
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PassionTraveler said on Apr 05, 2008....
Thanks Fallyn & ET. I don't know what to make of it. I don't fare well in bars and meeting them at the grocery store or on the street simply isn't happening. I think guys just don't take the initiative anymore. They don't have to. And when a woman does take the initiative, it's assumed she just wants sex and they behave that way. I must be sending some signal out there that makes men behave the way they are, but for the life of me, I can't think what.
Do big breasts equal easy target? They must think so!
I'm going to take a hiatus, I think, from dating. It's just too frustrating. I've got better things to do with my life than put up with bullshit. I already do that at work.
PT -
Fallyn said on Apr 05, 2008....
it's so completely annoying...and i've noticed the same thing you have.completely.really really irritating. -
allswell said on Apr 05, 2008....
passion t....dating is really hard and confussing, i'm just starting to date for the first time sence in over 17 years...so far i've been on three. the first one i had sex with and with no surprise i never heard from him again...i learned from that mistake, the second one we just sat and had a drink and and talked for about an hour and then we left...i never heard from him again. the third one we just spent the day together, it was fun and i enjoy talking to him, but he lives like 4 1/2 hours away so not much will come of that. Yes being single and dating is not what i expected it to be, i thought it would be fun and enjoyable, but it seems to be hard and depressing and not fun at all!! Maybe we'll get lucky and find someone decent soon....here's hopeing! -
Lucytorial said on Apr 05, 2008....
That would so totally make me want to be a nun.... I'd hate to be single... really I hope you find someone to be a companion.
Usually this happens when you give up looking, settle in yourself, then you make friends with someone... then... well it turns into something else...
heres my fingers crossed for that scenario happening for you!
*-}
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Alyss said on Apr 06, 2008....
And this is precisely what scares the hell out of me. I keep being encouraged to start going out and 'having fun' but it wouldn't be fun for me at all. Each and every date would be hell because I am shy and because I haven't ever been in that situation before. I am sorry you keep meeting the toads and hope you find your prince soon. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 06, 2008....
PT, have you had any good dates through these sites? the sleeper sounds like he's got some issues with priorities, if you ask me!
ed -
anonymous said on Apr 06, 2008....
I've had similar experiences. I'm considered very attractive but that doesn't mean my luck or the way I've been treated has been any better. I think the dating sites just make it easier for the jerks to find us. I actually love men but we need to be realistic about the fact that there are a LOT of jerks out there. I will not accept behavior that is rude, demeaning or disrespectful. I'd rather be single than deal with that. I have decided that I'm done with dating sites or "trying" to meet anyone. I agree with lucytorial that it's better to develop your own passions and life and become completely engrossed in that. If a good man is going to show up, that's probably when it will happen. Just make you happy and forget going out with losers. Remember a lot of them are someone else's cast off.
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PassionTraveler said on Apr 06, 2008....
Well, I actually have had very good luck dating online. Better in fact than the usual in-person ways to meet someone... via bars, grocery stores, etc.... It just seems lately, I've had a string of really bad ones.
It could also be that I'm still pretty vulnerable, and am unintentionally making myself a target. Who knows. I sure don't. I'm just praying and having faith in God's plan for that part of my life.
PT -
DaddysLittleSlut said on Apr 06, 2008....
Sounds like a guy on speed to me. Guys on speed can be fun in bed but if your looking for love i think the place to find that is with your personal hobbies and passions. Join clubs that interest you because that's where you'll find people with interests and values common to yours. - on line dating has just become so impersonable... it seems guys to treat on-line meets as disposible. Maybe they didn't start with the same sincerity so they don't realize that we are sincere real people. If you join a club and don't find your soul mate you'll probably make some great friends to hang out with in the mean time.(hmmm Is there a slut club? : )dls -
rustydiamond said on Apr 07, 2008....
Have you ever tried Harmony.com? I have had several dates from ladies I met there, and it was some of the nicest times I have had. -
starchini said on Apr 07, 2008....
Wow that does suck. I never had much faith in online dating and things like u just described is why. I too want to give up. Here is were i should insert some comforting advice like "oh ull find someone dont give up" but hey, id be blowing smoke up ur ass bc im the captain of the ship of failed relationships. -
PassionTraveler said on Apr 07, 2008....
Allswell, Alyss, Anon, DLS, Starchini, We should start our own dating site. Any thoughts?"Looking for a role in the hay? One-night-stands your thing? STOP!
ONLY SERIOUS PEOPLE searching for serious relationships should apply!"
LucyT, thanks and I'm glad you seem happy in your relationship. :-)
Rusty, if you mean eHarmony.com, then yes. It is that site to which I refer, but I've tried others as well in the past with good success. I presumed their 26 points of compatibility must have something over the other sites, but frankly, I think I can do better on my own or with the other familiar ones. Some of which are dedicated to common interests which may be why they were more successful in the past, however lately, those other sites too have been lacking.
PT
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MissLily said on Apr 09, 2008....
I feel like we've dated the same people. It gets so ridiculous that I start to understand why people can end up living most of their lives alone rather than settle for the crap or even wade through the hell of modern dating.
I thought about going lezzie, then realized that it doesn't matter what your orientation, each community plays these games. I was stuck. :)
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PassionTraveler said on Apr 10, 2008....
Miss Lily, shall we double date and handle these untoward men like the super-heroine women we are?
PT
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Fallyn said on Apr 10, 2008....
can we make it a triple? -
PassionTraveler said on Apr 11, 2008....
LOL. Join right in, Fallyn! The more the merrier.
PT
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MissLily said on Apr 17, 2008....
Exactly! My plan is that when/if we decide it's not working out we slaughter their ego by being more interested in eachother than them. We put on a show until they are thoroughly emotionally slaughtered and then leave them all to drive home alone with the lingering worry that this is something that might happen again.
I think doing that every time I had a failed date would actually make me enjoy dating again.
Even better, we'll drive and they can share a taxi if they don't behave. ;)
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