queenparanoia's tags:
for the pass few days i have been sad...
 
lonely and depressed...
 
until now i feel sad...
 
maybe it's because it's been two years since the accident...
 
two years...
 
time flies so fast yet the grief is still there...
 
how can you forget the moment where your life changed forever???
 
yes...
 
it has been two years...
 
two years ago my friend drowned. it was an accident... he's the one who i always talked about. i was so sad when he died that i needed some place to vent my grief...
 
i found it in soulcast.
 
two years ago i could still feel the pain that i felt... the shock me and my friends felt on that day. it was an accident. nobody wanted it to happen. we were looking for him...
 
i keep looking at the sea...
 
yes while we were looking at him i keep looking at the sea.
 
it was like he was calling me.... yet i dont hear the sound.... i only felt him...
 
when they found his body i still remember that moment...
 
yes, two years ago i still remember it...
 
we were shouting... we were crying... we were praying that he would still live...
 
but who are we fooling??? he was in the water for more than three hours... or possibly more... 
 
one of my friend fainted... one of my friend was crying so hard... one of my friend keep telling us to hold on... i was trying so hard to be strong...
 
but how can you be strong??? how???
 
why does he have to die??? he was so young. he has the potential to be great. he was a good person... a great friend...
 
why him???
 
at those moments i wished it was me... and until today a part of me still wishes it was me...
 
yes...
 
two years ago i wish i was dead...
 
two years ago, i was in my lowest moment in life...
 
it was like there's no reason for me to live anymore...
 
i wanted to die... 
 
and yet in my darkest moment... where reason and hope died inside of me already...
 
He reached to me...
 
yes find me crazy but God gave a glimmer of light for me...
 
amidst the darkness i saw the light...
 
and i hold on...
 
and at the moment my life changed forever...
 
my journey in life changed...
 
i started to live...
 
yes i live...
 
eventhough i was broken two years ago...
 
i picked up the pieces and put it back together...
 
yes, pieces of my life...
 
two years ago i was shattered...
 
but i put up the pieces of my life so that i could be full again...
 
and every now and then when moment like this made me remember him...
 
i always remember that...
 
two years ago he died...
 
and he gave me the courage to live...
 
i always remember him... and i miss him so much...
 
i miss the friendship... i miss the fun times... i miss his electric personality... i miss his smile...
 
i miss him...
 
but i know he's always here with me...
 
an angel guiding me... guiding me with his light... and even if i'm in my darkness i always see it...
 
i miss you rafael...
 
you may died two years ago...
 
but youre my angel ever since...
 
this song always make me remember him whenever i hear it...
 
 
 
 


 

thank you for reading my dear soulcaster... this journey has been very hard for me...

and i'm moving on...

yes moving on...

i decide to move on and live my life...

for the most memorable moment...

two years ago...



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Comments

  • pickersplock said on Mar 27, 2008....
    Oh, I'm so sorry Queenie!
    It's never easy is it?
  • dailyachesandpains said on Mar 27, 2008....
    Queenie!  I always remember this friend and that accident.  He died and little daily was born!  With death, comes life.  Live.  I wish I could take my own advice, but, it's only what I wish I could do.  Just LIVE and be happy, no sadness.  You know who your guardian angel is now.  {{{HUGS}}}
    Daily
  • secretlife said on Mar 27, 2008....
    life is a very precious thing queenie......we owe it to all of those we've lost to live it to its fullest.
    they would want us to.
     
    daily i thought you were on an airplane???
     
     
  • skald said on Mar 27, 2008....
    Queenie I am so sorry. I remember you talking about the friend you lost. ((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
  • quietone said on Mar 27, 2008....
    queenie, what a beautiful song to tribute to your friend.  He will be in your heart forever as you walk through this journey of life.  {{{{hugs}}} sweetie.
  • Sunshine_Mariah said on Mar 27, 2008....
    *Hugs* Oh queenie... I wish I could give you a real hug. You've been such a dear friend to me, and I would love to return that for you. I'm sorry for your loss... but as the song says, he IS watching over you from up above.
     
    Chin up girlie, he's in a better place and smiling down on you. And don't worry. He isn't alone... my mom is watching out for him up there too! :-)
  • Lucytorial said on Mar 27, 2008....
    Queenie, such a tender heart you have.  The presence of your friend in your life is magical in more ways than one and you will always have his friendship regardless of time or space, you met for the very reason you are expressing now, his immortality has been given to him because you still remember him.

    Hugs honey!
  • wombat said on Mar 27, 2008....
    I am sorry that you are sad, but of course you will always be sad when you remember your lost friend.  Just remember also that you also meant to remember with fondness how special he was, and to go on with the life you have to live and the love you have to give.  The song had special meaning to me, also.  What a lovely way to express your feelings....
  • crybabylu said on Mar 27, 2008....

    That was a very fitting song in remembrance of your friend.  He is listening and he hears you, and if you will quiet yourself and relax your mind, you might be able to receive the words of joy he has for you.  I really believe that!

    In my darkest saddest hours, and thinking about those who have passed on, when I quiet myself and remember them, I feel their comforting arms surround me and then I realize that they aren't gone at all.  Just in another dimention, and someday, I will see them fully again.

    Love you, queen.

  • fearing said on Mar 27, 2008....
    Beautiful post Queen.  I'm sorry you lost your friend.  Hugs.
  • Lioness said on Mar 27, 2008....
    hi queen, I know it's hard to forget good friends, but I am sure he's happy that you've moved on. He may be gone, but the nice memories remain. ((hugs))
  • queenparanoia said on Mar 27, 2008....

    pickers: it has never been easy. but i'm moving on...

    daily: yes live. easy as it sound. and i'm doing it daily. it get hard but i'm doing it... and i know youre doing it too... especially for little daily...

    secret: yes youre right he would want me to live...

    skald: thanks for the hug... =)

    sunshine: awww that made me cry. thank you sunshine... =)

    lucy: yes youre right. i met him for this reason. thanks for that...

    wombat: thank you wombie. the song helped me move on when i was depressed.

    crybabylu: yoru right dee he's always here. i could feel him... =)

    fearing: thank you for reading...

  • queenparanoia said on Mar 27, 2008....
    lioness: thanks ate... youre right the memories remains...
  • gingersoul said on Mar 27, 2008....

    Queenie....it was finally the time to write about it, girl.....i felt it was coming.....i am sure that his memory will always accompany you ...you both were your past..your past will be always you...

    Its never easy to survive.

    But we can remember, honor the past and the esperience done and move on . Not without him but with him, in your heart. {{{{hugs}}}}

  • Fallyn said on Mar 27, 2008....
    that was so sweet and beautiful.
    thankyou for sharing it with us.
  • queenparanoia said on Mar 28, 2008....
    gingersoul: it's hard reading it again.... but i felt like it's has given me the power to move on. i know what's bothering me this past few days is that i keep holding on to it. but now that i have let it go. i feel better now. and yes, his in my heart.. =)
     
    fallyn: i'm glad you like it... =)
  • Angelangel said on Mar 28, 2008....
    It is good that you still remember him.  It is also good that you still want to go on, despite your grief.
  • queenparanoia said on Mar 28, 2008....
    angel: yes it is... =)
  • RollingC said on Mar 28, 2008....
    Queen.... I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.  I don't know what to say except that remembering him you keep alive the good things that made you close friends with him and holding on to good memories about yourself and your friends and family is what life is really all about.
    Rc
  • husbandhater said on Mar 28, 2008....
    {{{{HUGS QUEEN}}}}}}}}} Sorry for your loss. He is always with you in spirit!
  • diabolicdame said on Mar 28, 2008....
    Oh.. I'm sorry about your friend.. That must've been so hard for you! But you're right, life goes on and thats how it should be. But our departed loved ones always remain in our hearts!
  • queenparanoia said on Mar 28, 2008....
    rollingc: yes it is.... thanks for dropping by!!!
     
    husbandhater: yes he is. thanks for the hug.
     
    diabolicdame: yes it was hard. but i'm moving on...
  • silverwhisper said on Mar 30, 2008....
    it's a hard lesson to learn in a way, isn't it, that you can move on?

    [hug]

    ed
  • queenparanoia said on Mar 31, 2008....
    silver; yes it was hard... but it's worth it... =)
  • fallenangel12 said on Apr 01, 2008....
    Death has always scared me. But at one point, I longed for it, waited for it, to befall me. It took my Mom away. I wanted to go down along with the sun.
    Moving on was never easy. I could just imagine how hard it was for you to live without him in your life. But Im proud of you sister, for allowing yourself to live inspite of your friend's absense.
  • queenparanoia said on Apr 01, 2008....
    fallenangel: it's hard but i'm moving on... thanks for the support fallenangel... =)

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