• crybabylu said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I like nice people.  Even if they are overly nice.

• moonriver said on Mar 25, 2008....

  My answer:
  
  I like different people in various ways and for a variety of reasons. I like them, not merely because they are "nice," but for a set of reasons -- some specific, some vague (the X factor).
  
  I tend to look for deeper qualities beyond the "niceness," or the opposite (being "not nice"), which are often superficial forms of behavior anyway.
  
  

• killingme4u said on Mar 25, 2008....

  hey.i've liked you since i soon came here.just never talked to ya before,but read you often.yeah i like nice ppl...but overly nice?like them just kinda be annoying sometimes though.....       you are cool.real cool.well take care.see ya......

• quietone said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I like nice people, but I do believe that people tend to have other things about them, then just "nice" all the time.. thats just not "normal!"  LOL

• fearing said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I'm with you Polar.  I don't always like everyone who is nice.  I always try to be nice in return.  I expect the same from someone who doesn't like me.  The Bible says we are to love our neighbors.  God knows we're human.  The world takes different folks.
  
  Sometimes I can't even put my finger on what it is that bothers me about someone.  It can just be a feeling I get.  I know you understand what I'm talking about.  Like when you meet someone and for no reason at all you feel uneasy around them....even though they are nice?  I think it is our Spirit talking to us.  Something just doesn't add up.  
  
  Hugs Polarkins!!! 
  

• rupert7 said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Polar - Just because someone is generally regarded as nice,that doesn't  make it compulsory to like them! We are all different,and are attracted to,or are indifferent to some people, and if we don't like someone,I don't think that we necessarily think them a bad person,or bare malice toward them! Its just human nature...we are strange creatures! :-))

• hottips4u said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I am with you on that one Polar.  Overly niceties some people tend to project 24 7 is far from the norm and always get a cocked eye from me. 
  
  Nice people ?  How do you define one that is a nice person that hasn't done anything for you or yours ?  Nice ?  I think nice is something like prejudice.  Its nice if you own a few homes and don't have to pay rent, but its not so nice if in doing so becomes dependent on charging exuberant rents allowing you to live freely at the cost of others.  You may sound and appear nice, but be a bitter conniving cunt in reality.
  
  Nice....sucks if your not on the receiving end of some people's nice, and no where in between, if your not contributing to their personal nice as well., imo. : )
  
  Good point Polar.
  
  Jessi.
  
  
  

• dailyachesandpains said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Polarkins!  Overly nice people I'm cautious of.  I always assume they're putting up a front to cover their darkness, to make it appear that everything is okay in their life. I am the one with anxiety issues though, so I am usually cautious and skeptical of people in general.  I try to give everyone a fair shot though.

• wombat said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I sort of know what you mean because I have known a couple of people that were just a tad too "sickly sweet" and got on my nerves for some reason.  It's hard to explain why I had trouble just carrying on a converstion with them--but there you have it.  Too much sugar on one tooth's nerve, so to speak!

• Trinov said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Hi, I prefer people who are honest with themselves and others. I always start off polite but if it isn't returned I can get as rude as the next one, so I'm not nice myself.
  
  I also don't like it when people are overly goodie goodie, for it often shows a lack of differentiating between real and unreal, safe and unsafe, good and evil.
  
  People who cannot distinguish between what they want to see and what is really happening become dangerous to themselves and others. I prefer people who can see reality, struggle with it, survive it with humor. Some of the people who start out goodie gumdrops end up, when pressed, as being quite vile, in my experience.
  
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Mar 25, 2008....

  If I feel that the niceness is insincere I tend to steer clear of them.  There are also people who are claustrophobically nice that I dislike.

• ALIENated said on Mar 25, 2008....

  
  I like just about everyone to a certain degree. There are some people who
  are just naturally pains in the you-know-what. I have a family member who
  works with a lady who is bubbly to a fault. She treats everyone like a moron
  or a child. And she is pretty much incompetitent as it turns out. Maybe she
  is overly bubbly and friendly to compensate for her shortcomings. I rarely
  reach out, but I am friendly when approached IRL.
  
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Honestly, I'm not nearly as nice in RL as I am here.  It's just that the finality of the written word compels me to guard my tongue. 
  
  Catch me outside, you probably would think I was this rude, crass individual who is a cynic at the core. 
  
  [shrugs]  I'm alright with it, though. 
  
  It's the plastic niceness that I can't stand.  Makes me want to smash their nose in. 
  

• hottips4u said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Honestly Grape, few here would think of you as liken to driven snow.
  
  I read you and some of what you write is genuine, and some of it total patronization.
  
  The fact that you had a failed marriage/relationship brings you down from any lofty position you enjoy talking from while addressing others and tells us you are not the 24 7 nice guy most of your writings reflect.
  
  I personally see your arrogance while others see your charm, which I see used as a tool and not a characteristic.  Intelligent, but limited in actually knowing how to live life without having to be intelligent about it.
  
  Like the day you came rushing in to intimidate me because you believed me to be referring to you mistakenly.  I later thought for a confident guy, you have your have your moments of doubt, just like anyone...whoaaa, Grape is actually human and not a bloated ego entirely.  I liked that.
  
  I don't see you as a threat Grape, nor as a nice guy 24 7 either.  But I do see you as independent yet in need of people in your life at the same time, your a people person, hell would be leaving you alone in a world to yourself and no one to share it with, imo.
  
  Your just not that good, and thankfully as proof, you can be as equally bad I am sure.
  
  Jessi.
  
  
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Jessi:  There's a lot of truth to what you say, of course.  I'll be the first one to admit it.  I do try my best to see the good and the nice in all things, and if that's patronization, well...[shrugs]  You call it how you see it and I have no problems with that. 
  
  My full response to you went a bit long.  I don't want to gum up polar's post.  Perhaps I can send it to you via PM with your permission?  If not, I suppose I can post a blog about it. 
  
  

• hottips4u said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Sure go ahead Grape, anytime.
  
  jessi
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Do i like everyone who's nice - of course not. But i still respect them and don't get sick when they go over the top. Anyway, i'm sorry but how does a person get "too" nice? sicken sweet....! Tell me what queezy behavior is?

  I quess I have took offense to your words. For i take proud in being nice. For NO other reason but...."I treat others as I want to be treated!"

  Each to their own. *smile*  

   

• somethingunUSual said on Mar 25, 2008....

  If you're talking about folks who absolutely avoid any and all conflict and who define an argument as "fighting," I automatically don't like 'em. Also, hypocrits like silverwhisper who posture as the paragon of moderation while identifying anyone who isn't in "the club" as a "troll." Very annoying until you catch on and simply ignore them. They try to bait you into an argument hoping that you'll turn out to look like the ass when you overreact.
   
  I think that we're all basically benign (which can be mistaken for nice) until provoked, when we are each capable of blatant nastiness. Having nice people on your side isn't always an advantage. For instance, who wants a "nice" lawyer?
   
  And do you want to be treated "nicely" all the time? Heroes are defined by their enemies. Opinionless, spineless daisy-sniffing peaceniks who are in a perpetual stoned-out "nice" mode (i.e. She, Herself & Her) are simply afraid of competition - which we, ourselves and the whole world actually NEED in order to make progress in thousands of fields of human endeavor.
   
   
   

• Fallyn said on Mar 25, 2008....

  drippy honey sweet people who can't put themselves in your shoes and say they'll pray for you annoy the crap out of me.
  
  genuinely nice understanding caring people....no....i don't think there are enough in the world.
  

• botoni said on Mar 25, 2008....

  'Nice' comes in a lot of different versions as I see it. There are those who are just simply nice. Then there are those who are nice as a facade. The super smarmy ones who just ooze sacchrine (sp?) are out there. There are the nice people who just dont have enough depth to be anything else. Nope, I dont like all of them. I tend to like the folks who are nice because thats just the way they are. As I read my comment it doesnt make a lot of sense but I understand exactly what I mean......lol.

• polarheart said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Guys, you may not believe me (but I hope you will). . .I started commenting to each of you individually.  I got as far as Somethingunusual and then I hit the wrong button which sent me out of the post and I lost all my replies!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!  Since it's late here in the UK I trust you will forgive me for not starting from scratch.

  However, there is one person I would like to reply to in person and that is:

  MeMyself&I, I am really sorry that you have taken offence at my words.  It was not my intention at all.  We always got along and I have never thought that your kind of "nice" was anything but sincere.  I really hope that you will consider laying down the offence.

  Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment.  I am glad to hear that there are people who have the same views as I do about the overly nice.

  Polar x

• TaintedAtBirth said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I know I'm a hundred posts down from the initial but I say
  
  
  Of course !!
  
  If it's ok to like assholes then it's also ok to dislike nice people!
  

• silverwhisper said on Mar 25, 2008....

  i like people who are nice and not so nice. i have a good friend at another site who's actually sometimes kinda rude.
  
  there are people who seem perfectly nice to some but who seem to rub me the wrong way, and i'm sure that's true to a greater or lesser extent of most of us.
  
  [shrugs]
  
  niceness isn't what makes me fond of a person. but an absence of it makes it awfully hard for me to be fond of him or her.
  
  ed

• hottips4u said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Not a problem Polar, I enjoy you even more knowing you can be real, naturally.
  
  Jessi.
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 25, 2008....

  I am popping back in here and I see you got quite a dialogue going on the subject of "niceness".  Your question on your blog (the title) says is it ok to not like nice people, I guess I overlooked that when I first posted a comment, because of course it is ok not to like anyone you choose not to like. 

  We all have that option.  But, I was going by what you stated in your post, and you were asking if we agreed with you.  So, I guess in that perspective I gave the correct answer for me.

  I like people to be nice.  I try to be nice, to me it is a matter of 'common courtesy.'  Saying that, I think the honest thing in respect to myself is I am a lot nicer to people in "real life" than I am here.  I don't look at "trying" to be nice to people as not genuine.  I would bet that everyone here is a nice person.  But, aren't there times when we all are maybe a bit more "nice" than other times?

  To me, it is like I have the same difficutlty talking here as I do on the phone.  I can't see the person I am talking to.  It helps me a great deal to be able to look straight at a person and talk to them, than to have a screen or telephone between the individual and myself.

  I do find these comments a bit interesting however, because most are saying they would rather have "real" and "genuine" responses from people.  But, I noticed I got a lot more interraction on my blog when I was "nice" than when I started "letting my hair down"  and speaking my mind.   Go figure!

• hottips4u said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Good Bye Hottips....and with lil ado, I am outta here for a while.  Have to run to the store.
  
  Real beats the hell outta fake, even if its fuck you shouted out rather than a simple flick of a finger.
  
  Jessi.
  

• skald said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Polar  They also put me in a category and I ´m just human. I have my faults and I know what you mean. too nice, no that is unnatural is it not. 

• Me-Myself&I said on Mar 25, 2008....

  no problem! just wanted to put my two cents in. for whatever it's worth? hey, i am as bad as i am good. so, no offense. all is good. take care ~see ya

• Eilan said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Like many others who have commented before me, I prefer people to be genuine, which means I have little use for hokey, drippy, sappy sweetness.  That's not real, and I tend to steer clear of blogs on SC where that's the norm.
  
  I'm also, for the most part, suspicious of self-proclaimed "nice" people.  If you're nice, you won't need to tell people.  They'll know.
  

• Expendable said on Mar 25, 2008....

  Everyone wants to be accepted. Some try being nice, others put conditions on it.

  But even when someone is being 'nice', you don't have to like them back. So you're not a bad person, just human.

• queenparanoia said on Mar 25, 2008....

  ihate people who are too nice... because they tend to be fake.

• bluegum said on Mar 26, 2008....

  people who are nice i whould rather have as a friend,and ones who are not too my liking can be very informative and intesting, soulcast has this mix .

  blue.

• polarheart said on Mar 26, 2008....

  Hi All, thanks again for the comments in the second half!
   
  I think I should have changed the title to read "Is it OK not to like OVERLY-nice people?"
   
  Of course most of us like people who are "nice", because they are easy to like.  It is of course difficult to like someone who is in nasty mode all the time.
   
  However, this aforementioned is NOT what I had in mind when writing this post and I think most of you got the gist of what I was getting at: OVERLY-nice.
   
  These are some quotes from the comments received, which I really agree with:
   
  Wombat said "Too much sugar on one tooth's nerve, so to speak!"
   
  Trinov said "I also don't like it when people are overly goodie goodie, for it often shows a lack of differentiating between real and unreal, safe and unsafe, good and evil."
   
  Rupert said "We are all different,and are attracted to,or are indifferent to some people, and if we don't like someone,I don't think that we necessarily think them a bad person,or bare malice toward them!"
   
  Thank you very much to all who have commented here.
   
  Polar x

• cotterall&elaineadams said on Apr 19, 2008....

  mmmm...I don't like the fake nice crowd that swarms around in groups.  They are a certain type in this town.  Not the kind of people you can enjoy a beer with and go out dancing.  They are obsessed with having babies (lots) and complaining about it.  That is not to claim they aren't nice but someone with four kids in tow is not going to be hanging around me.  Been there, done that.  Do not need to be the babysitter.  Do not need to hear the complaints about a lousy marriage.  Deal with it or get a divorce.  Then people complain about the divorce.  Isn't anyone happily married?
  
  My point being I don't want friendships based on complaints and personal problems.  I used to get these types who complained about their lives and had good reason to but I grew tired of it even if I sympathize--people with schizophrenia, drug problems, single mothers, etc.  I am tired of being the psychologist also.  Somebody who want to have fun...I'd rather talk about croquet and Pogo. 
  
  So there are lots of nice people but there are whiners and fakes who think they are nice but I think they are using me and are selfish at the same time.   I get it it is because of their lives but it is not a problem for me but forthem.  Then they have the gall to ask me why I don't have kids and demand that I have them as if this is going to solve anything..it will make them feel better to know I am in the same boat.  They should go hang around somewhere else.  The audacity to suggest marriage and children are not choices...being hit by a car, being stolen from or assaulted are not choices and all those things happened to me and I don't sit around whining about them because I have been through them I don't want to talk about them....no, I get to hear about diapers and mastitis..
  

• polarheart said on Apr 19, 2008....

  Cotterall&elaineadams, why do I get the feeling you've had up to your throat with baby talk?? LOL!!  I am a mother and yet when my son was small I reserved the "baby talk" for those in a similar boat.  Honestly, it was refreshing to have an intelligent conversation with someone outside of the "group" about things other than kids!

• somethingunUSual said on Apr 22, 2008....

  Is it okay to like "mean" people?

• polarheart said on Apr 23, 2008....

  SUnusual, interesting question!  Perhaps you should do a blog about it :-)  Let me know if you do.

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