It's funny. When I took so long to write any condemnations of Chuck Norris' "articles," most of them didn't get any more "diggs." Some of the ones listed here, have, like, no "diggs" at all. I guess the moron's wearing out his welcome.
Now, as I have a lot of ground to cover and not a whole lot of time, the following are potshots at some of the greatest examples of Norris's utter asininity of the past two months.
An example of his ever-growing god-complex can be found at the end of this piece of dreck: http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php?pageId=56052
Don't be jealous 'cuz Conan, Jon and Stephen are wittier than you. Veiled threats of harm directed at these entertainers does not make you any more sympathetic.
And, true to form, the moron attempted to add some YouTube links to his "article"... which do not work, because Viacom is cracking down HARDCORE on YouTubers sharing any and all videos Mr. Stewart's and Mr. Colbert's work over that site. Which Norris failed at, miserably, as he could not even be bothered to transcribe any pertinent information from those videos, without it sounding like a hyperactive teenager trying to explain the penultimate scene from Crash.
Actually, in lieu of evidence that Norris did any of this himself, I will temporarily blame his office bitch, Ricky. Both are morons, only Ricky's more internet savvy.
For an example of hypocrisy, click here: http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php?pageId=57221
Note to Norris: YOU said McCain couldn't "make the cut," ASSHAT. You implied in January that McCain wouldn't make it because he's "too old"--as if you would ever be entitled to harp on a guy nearly ten years your senior--and now he's going to secure the GOP nomination. Face facts, you geezer moron: Huckabee's out. O. U. T. Mike Huckabee, your precious, "god-blessed" Newt-Gingrich-replacement, has f--king DROPPED OUT of the running. If I were an irreverent bastard (which I am), I'd ask where the hell your "god" is now, Norris, as it's clearly not on your side. But I've got better things to do with my time than expect you to answer a rhetorical question. So please, for crying out loud, stop bitching about Huckabee and stop drooling over his wife, you covetous prick!
And here would be an example of pandering: http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php?pageId=58452
To helicopter parents and Jesus Freaks: CHUCK NORRIS IS ONE OF YOU! And, if I were you idiots, I'd advise you to run for your lives. Because, if Huckabee's abortion of a campaign is any indication, anything Norris touches goes down the crapper. Like "action movies." And DARE. And daytime TV. And Hannity and Colmes.
Also, Norris, please remember that you, yourself, have a nice little homestead in my native state. If you don't like our legal system, and you insist on dissing my state for its courts' decisions, GO BACK TO TEXAS! I sure as hell won't stop you.
For a sickening dose of misogyny: http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php?pageId=57827
Threatening to kick Oprah's ass, are you? At least that's what the image embedded in your "article" is implying. If she wasn't super-busy with running her multimedia empire, she'd probably sue you into next year. I might pay to see that debacle on Court TV...
Because this comes up a lot, here's an example of repetition: http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php?pageId=56619
You are not a school official, Norris, nor are you a college student or graduate who knows the pressures of the system in any intimate way. You said, yourself (in the aforementioned "article" pandering to helicopter parents), that you homeschool your kids, so they probably won't know that system, either. If you are personally in charge of their reading or writing comprehension, I would almost weep bitterly for their poor excuse for "education." Your grammar is atrocious, and your cock-and-bull explanations for "Why Kids Kill" is completely without merit. And quoting "books" written by your Newt-Gingrich-replacement doesn't lend any merit to the hypothesis that kids need "god" to be good kids. We all have moral centers, you dumbass. And if a "culture of life" is so f--king important to you, then you'd be dead-set against this misbegotten war in Iraq.
But you're not. SO SHUT THE HELL UP.
And finally, today's helping of stupid: http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php/index.php?pageId=59697
1. If you want your fellow Americans to embrace ALL items in the Bill of Rights, then you're supporting the wrong administration, bucko. If you deign to let anyone take away any of the rights encompassed in that document--such as the rights to a fair and speedy trials, a free press and wire-tap-free phones--then you should not piss and moan because you expect to keep any other freedoms like gun-toting. In fact, if there were any logic at work in this administration, the right to bear arms should have been the first one to go, because quite frankly "every citizen" does not and will not ever equal "a well-regulated Militia." And "every citizen" cannot be trusted to work well with others.
2. In regards to that "Mary, you're f---ed" cartoon that so offended your religious sensibilities that you won't even let anyone see it: now you know how Muslims feel about the negative portrayal of Mohammad in that Danish cartoon. Either quit being such an asshat to the Muslim community, or quit bitching about free speech "abuse" and deal with it!
3. "Whosoever shall be guilty of rape, polygamy, or sodomy with man or woman shall be punished, if a man, by castration, if a woman, by cutting thro' the cartilage of her nose a hole of one half inch diameter at the least" (Bill 64, 1779). Or so quoteth the moron in his crap-shoot of an "article." This bill (not an actual amendment, mind you, but a BILL, a proposal) kind of flies in the face of the actual Eighth Amendment (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eighth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution). Why do you give a crap about laws that were voted down, Norris? And, furthermore, why is it not okay to pay any respect to those murdered over their orientation, and yet it's perfectly acceptable to support the writings of an unabashed slave-owner who CHEATED ON HIS WIFE with one of his slaves?
Oh, wait! This is Chuck Norris we're talking about--extramarital cheating is par for the course, as far as he's concerned.
Granted, he half-heartedly tries to cover his ape-like ass by insisting that he's "not of course espousing such [excessive? vicious? cruel?] treatment," but he immediately adds, "I do believe that we should equally and adamantly oppose such aberrant sexual behavior from being condoned or commemorated..."
So Chuck Norris doesn't hate gays and lesbians, per se. He just believes we should immediately begin "turning back the clocks of time" and bring our country back to it's brutal, war-like infancy... so that this complete frickin' moron can rest safe in the knowledge that gay men will be castrated, lesbians will have huge holes drilled in their noses, and that if any of them die or are murdered, Norris won't have to pay them any respects whatsoever.
In other words, Chuck Norris wants gay people to suffer.
Possibly because he gets off on that sort of sh--.
Once again, I assert that Nietzsche had a point when he wrote that "the essence of Christian love is hate."
