this blog entry contains sexual content. if you are offended by such things, hit the back button now: you'll be happier. this is the beginning of a new series: insomnia.
the city knows my name.
fatigue, that endless fuel produced so effortlessly by insomnia, grips me, sharpening my hearing. perhaps that is why when the city whispers to me, calls me by name, i hear it so distinctly.
“daniel”, the city whispers in a lover’s beckoning, bedroom voice, “explore my riches.”
the alarm clock screams the time in bold red numerals: 3:49 am.
i arise from bed, my joints protesting only in slightly this time. i look around the room as the light falls across the floor, julienned by the blinds. my clothes are everywhere: no tidy piles, just the flotsam and jetsam of the daily grind standing (lying?) in mute evidence of my entropic existence.
trudging into the living room, the light here is now more of a chiffonade than a julienne due to the angle. as i regard the blinds here however, something beyond catches my attention.
in her own living room across the way, a woman stirs. the lights are on; the blinds, open. she’s dancing very slowly to a song i cannot hear, moving very boldly to a beat i cannot feel. and despite the silence and early chill, it’s sultry. her long dark hair sways effortlessly in time with her hips, cascading over her strong shoulders. with an impish smile, her hands cup her ample bosom, clever fingers drawing forth her long tips with a practiced ease.
her form is lush, amazonian—not some heroin-shooting waif, but a real woman. and the extent of her desirability is evidenced by a familiar stirring below my waist.
“i must see more,” i half-whisper, half-murmur to myself.
so when she smiles towards the left, it’s the first time i notice that there’s anyone else in that room.
[to be continued]
silverwhisper posted on Mar 20, 2008
| views: 491
Comments
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biglove said on Mar 20, 2008....
Very nice! I really like where this is going. The descriptions at the begnning were a little wordy, but I felt like I was there seeing what he was seeing. Very HOT! -
silverwhisper said on Mar 20, 2008....
heh...i'm glad it picked up then. :>
ed -
Ombrelle said on Mar 20, 2008....
Very hot indeed! I felt like the woman he was watching. -
silverwhisper said on Mar 20, 2008....
seriously, i think you're far too kind--this hasn't even gotten into first gear!
ed -
Ombrelle said on Mar 20, 2008....
Maybe it's the way you express the anticipation that's got me holding my breath. -
Zayda said on Mar 20, 2008....
This is an interesting beginning, but for me, I think this portion ended too soon.
And, I think the use of different cuts to describe the light was overdone and came across as trying too hard to stretch the description. The first use of julienne would have worked but then the later chiffonade and julienne are just too much. Plus, unless your narrator is a chef or a very experienced cook, it doesn't come across as realistic that someone would describe the play or pattern of light in that way.
I think the story has the potential to be an interesting series. -
silverwhisper said on Mar 21, 2008....
ombrelle: if so, i guess that's good. :>
super z: yeah, in retrospect that was really forced (the types of cuts). i have in mind that the narrator is actually a cook, though, which detail i haven't actually mentioned. :>
ed -
MissMimi said on Mar 26, 2008....
How did I miss this?Very occasionally, I have to consult my online dictionary when I read you. I thought I had a wide-ranging vocabulary but you are lightyears ahead of me.I'll be awaiting your next installment. :) -
silverwhisper said on Mar 26, 2008....
mimi: er...sorry about that--are you referring to the use of julienne and chiffonade? sorry about that!
ed -
MissMimi said on Mar 26, 2008....
No, those words I am familiar with -- I watch FoodTV, after all ;) -- the word I looked up was entropic. It's no big deal, in any case. :) -
silverwhisper said on Mar 27, 2008....
hey, most of the time, people don't use the words julienne or chiffonade on food network--at least, not the shows that i watch!
[scratches head]
um...sorry! :D
ed -
mysterious said on Mar 29, 2008....
finally! a new erotica! so where's the next installment? -
silverwhisper said on Mar 30, 2008....
hello mysterious! i don't know, it might be a while until the next installment--my time to write is rather limited just now, i'm afraid.
ed
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